Jump to content

Lost on what to do .. Need help ASAP


zrehman

Recommended Posts

Basically I've been with my gf on and off for a couple years now. She does have a habit at which I am not pleased with and have told her many times about it.

 

On occasion about once a month, she likes to "party" aka coke.

 

We talked about it SEVERAL times and she knows how upset it makes me when I know that she does it and she has told me herself that she will stop cause she loves me and that's enough reason for her to do it.

 

Well tonight, I talked to her at 5 AM when she was out with her friends and she was acting different, but I was sleepy so I just got off the phone. I texted her, "Did you "party" tonight?" and she replied "No", than she called me an hour later to talk and we spoke, but I could tell something was off, so I asked her again, "So you didn't party tonight?" and she replied, "A little bit".

 

That's when I got upset and told her that I'm even more upset now because you lied to me about it. I also told her that, I would of been upset either way if you told me the first time I asked, but now I'm even more upset that you lied to me initially. She said "I'm so sorry, I love you" and all this other stuff ... I told her that she always has a habit of doing something like this and than apologizing for it and her SORRY means nothing to me anymore.

 

I told her about how we talked about this several times and if she loved me and knew how upset it makes me for her to do this, that she wouldn't be doing this... She agreed and just continued to say sorry, but that made me more upset because I felt like she does this all time by saying Sorry to get herself out of trouble, but doesn't mean it.

 

I told her, I'm upset at this situation right now and I don't feel like talking, so I got off the phone, she called a couple times, but I didn't answer. Than she sent a text ... "I'm sorry for upsetting you" and than right after that she wrote, "Im glad to know I can tell you things without you getting upset at me" ... I ignored everything.

 

I need advice on how to approach this situation?

 

Should I be upset or should I forgive her?

 

I'm confused.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This whole post is me and my ex and alcohol. I got the same run around for years. This is what you're in for. My advice is either learn to accept it and her when she does it, or end the relationship. I tried and tried for years to hold us together, but after having a baby, his alcohol usage was affecting not only me but our son. So, my son and I moved out.

 

Really you only have 2 choices. Put up with it or leave. She doesnt see a problem in her drug usage, so she is not going to change, because she doesnt WANT to. This is my ex also. He doesnt see a problem. And since he isnt going to change, I had to.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This whole post is me and my ex and alcohol. I got the same run around for years. This is what you're in for. My advice is either learn to accept it and her when she does it, or end the relationship. I tried and tried for years to hold us together, but after having a baby, his alcohol usage was affecting not only me but our son. So, my son and I moved out.

 

Really you only have 2 choices. Put up with it or leave. She doesnt see a problem in her drug usage, so she is not going to change, because she doesnt WANT to. This is my ex also. He doesnt see a problem. And since he isnt going to change, I had to.

 

Thanks for the advice. If I can ask in your opinion, since now a days EVERYONE is doing coke, which it seems to be the case.

 

Do you think me getting upset at my ex for doing coke ONCE a month is a legit reason to be upset OR am I over reacting?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's up to you and your personal feelings regarding coke. If your morals and gut tell you that it's wrong and you resent her for doing it, then yes, even though it's only once a month, for you it's too much.

 

Honestly, it sounds like it's too much for you, otherwise you wouldnt be asking advice about it. lol You've already told her how you feel about it and she continues to do it, so she's not going to stop. If she continues to do it once a month, but doesnt tell you about it, would you be ok with that?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's up to you and your personal feelings regarding coke. If your morals and gut tell you that it's wrong and you resent her for doing it, then yes, even though it's only once a month, for you it's too much.

 

Honestly, it sounds like it's too much for you, otherwise you wouldnt be asking advice about it. lol You've already told her how you feel about it and she continues to do it, so she's not going to stop. If she continues to do it once a month, but doesnt tell you about it, would you be ok with that?

 

That makes sense, and No, I wouldn't be ok with her not telling me if she did it or not.

 

How would you react if your loved one was doing coke once a month? Just curious to know.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

my ex did coke a couple of times a year when his uncle would come to visit. His uncle would bring a mountain of coke, literally, and they would do it all over the course of a weekend. I am fairly ok with that type of usage. It's his alcohol usage and his behavior when he's black out drunk that I couldnt deal with.

 

BUT, that is my personal feeling. You see her when she's on coke. Does she act crazy? Does she try to pick up other guys or do stupid things that may threaten her life? If not, if she's just snorting a line and dancing all night with her girlfriends, I personally would be ok with that, as long as her usage didnt increase. But if she's doing alot and acting crazy then I'd definitely have a problem with it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for the advice. If I can ask in your opinion, since now a days EVERYONE is doing coke, which it seems to be the case.

 

Do you think me getting upset at my ex for doing coke ONCE a month is a legit reason to be upset OR am I over reacting?

 

How old is she??? I don't know anyone I know of that do coke let alone any hard drugs.

 

I would be VERY upset if I found out if my wife had done anything remotely close to using drugs. This 'once a month' is something I highly doubt. Who knows what else she does on top when you're not around.

 

Personally I would cut ties with anyone doing such drugs if they don't clean up fast, my ex g/f from years ago was the same way. It took her years to get cleaned up after the relationship went sour and she's not the same person any more. Peoples views differ but coke, heroin and any drugs that get people hooked in a bad way, I don't see how a small or large amount matter. It's destructive. It destroys people and their loved ones.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

First off, it is a myth that everyone is doing coke. Perhaps everyone SHE associates with is doing coke, but plenty of people (most people) don't do coke, and don't associate with people who do.

 

People in a certain age group or occupations do tend to do it more than others, but not everyone does it, in fact, most don't. Many people may try is once or twice when young, but make the decision as they grow up that it is either too dangerous, too addicting, too expensive, or too illegal for them to continue.

 

So the answer is yes, you have a perfect right to be upset, and to decide that you don't want to be with or associate with a drug user. And coke is a seriously addictive drug that has ruined many people's lives. If you know about her use once a month, who knows how often she really uses it, or whether she can keep the addiction in control and might not do a lot more in future.

 

You have to have a zero tolerance policy towards people who use drugs, especially hard drugs like coke. The problem is she has already learned from you that it is OK to do it, and all she has to do is apologize when she's caught, you get mad for a bit, but then you keep seeing her and it is business as usual. She's probably already decided she's willing to trade off your being mad for a bit in order to keep doing coke. She knows she can have both you and coke because there are no lasting consequences for her using it.

 

So you have to tell her that you've decided that coke will not be a part of your life or anyone you date's life either. And that if you suspect she is using it again, or catch her at it, then you will immediately leave her.

 

You also might suggest that you will administer random test now and again to see if she is using, and if she is, you'll leave. That is how many addicts are monitored and kept on the straight and narrow, because they know if a test can happen anytime, they can't lie about it to get away with it because coke residue stays in the system for longer than just when they are using it.

 

You have to take this seriously if you want to be in a serious relationship with her that might lead to marriage. You don't want your future kid's mother to be a drug addict.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You don't have to tolerate her drug abuse.

 

And, even if it's typical among her peers, I think this type of occasional and recreational drug use is definitely abuse. It's obviously become a deterrent factor in her relationships.

 

If she's not capable to taking care of herself, and drug abusers just aren't, then shes not capable of being in a healthy relationship.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

is the coke thing why you have been on and off again? i think you need to be off permanently with her. this behavior is obviously not changing and it upsets you enough. plus, she isn't honest with you on the phone when you talk to her. strike 2 to me. pretty big strikes too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i take drugs. i can just say that drugs dont make people bad people. i go out iwth friends, get a bit silly and keep to myself usually. just dancing and happiness. i introduced my ex to a lot of drugs and she was happy to party with me because she could see im ok and we are happy people. perhaps you should try and include yourself in your girls social life and see first hand if its something you can accept or not. staying at home wondering what shes doing while shes out is only going to worsen things. because a parniod wondering mind is much more dangerous than an informed and logical mind.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...