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Today she leaves and takes my precious daughter.


essex boy

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Hi all!

 

Today is the day........she is moving out and taking my beautiful daughter with her and it's breaking my heart. My little girl asked if she could she stay with me and I would have gladly kept her but as my solicitor told me I am not the primary carer and as she is only 9 there is no way she can stay with me. Everyone keeps telling me she will be ok but I know she needs me, I will never be far away from her, she has her phone and I will see her every Saturday at least.

 

You guys on here have been a great help on my journey of deciding what to do with my relationship, I thank you all for that. I know that the split is the only way to go, she refused to get help towards her emotional torture and even she decided to be nice in the last couple of weeks I know only too well that the relationship would go full circle until she is treating me like a dog again. The amazing thing is she fails to see that she is in the wrong and instead just accuses me of having an affair or selling my properties to pocket all the cash!!.....not that there is a lot of equity in the current climate! She can't see that its her actions and vicous mouth that she has knocked all the love I had for her out of me.

 

So tonight I will go home to a very empty house. We agreed what she will leave and what she will take we will see when I get home as everything got nasty again last night when I told her a few home truths! I should have kept quiet really but after so long of keeping my mouth shut to keep the peace for littluns sake I told her exactly how it is. Actually the house won't be that empty as she is leaving her 18 year old lazy son with me to look after!!

 

I guess I'm here to vent really after being quiet for so long and to make sure I am doing the right thing really. I need to be sure for my daughters sake really as she is the one who is going to hurt the most as we are so close. Although I hurt like hell too just seeing her pretty face full of tears and pain is awful to see, I will be ok so long as she is.

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Hi there fella!

 

Mate - you know that you are doing the right thing here - you couldn't continue as you were. EVERYONE deserves to be happy and you know just how unhappy you were in this mess. One thing is for sure, and that is that you are a long time dead, so don't waste a drop of what you have been given.

 

That must have been heartbreaking to see tears like that on little 'uns face - gawd, it brings back some memories. But you say yourself - you are never going to be very far away - just make sure she always knows it. Make sure that you are always there when you say you will be.

 

It will be as hard as hell at first, but let things settle down a bit and get into some kind of routine. I think I have said before that you will likely find your relationship with your daughter will actually improve because your time with her can be just "her" time, if you play it right. And children are not children for very long at all. You may not have primary carer status but it is only a matter of a short amount of time when that nonsense begins to fly out the window and your daughter will be able to be "heard" or just vote with her feet!

 

Take care mate - things will settle down pretty soon, so stay strong in your resolve.

 

Mark

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Hi Mark,

 

Thanks for your reply, you are right Things will get better in time. It's so hard seeing my little girls face. what I have been doing to help her is picking up all the positive things she says, like she said her mum said she can stay with me on saturday nights so I told yeh and you can stay up late with me, she said yeh and eat popcorn! so she is thinking the right things and I will help her on that score as much as I can. I promised I will keep her phone topped up too.

 

It's good to hear your positives too as it gives me hope that we will all come out the other end one way or another! You are right I couldn't go on like I was.....I told her last night that there is no way I am going to live my life keeping quiet for the sake of a quiet life! You say the same as me....you only get one life! So I intend to live it!

 

Thanks again Mark

 

Rob

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It's so hard seeing my little girls face. what I have been doing to help her is picking up all the positive things she says, like she said her mum said she can stay with me on saturday nights

 

 

I'm very sorry that you are going through this. If I were you I would get all visitation arrangements in writing and court-ordered. It's not a matter of her mom giving you permission to see your daughter. She's your child too.

 

You may also want to secure visitation during the week too. Perhaps you can have a weeknight as well so that you do not have to wait long to see her in between visits. Also, holidays are another big one- getting a court order to split them is very wise. That way it's all in writing and not left up to your ex's mood.

 

You have to stand up for yourself.

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Belladonna,

 

Thanks for your reply. I think you replied on my previous posts so you may well know there was no avoiding this outcome really, I just had the stuffing knocked out of me!

 

Yeh you are right about visitation rights. I will sort that soon as she is being reasonable at the moment I don't wanna rock the boat but knowing her and her mood changes I will need to sort it soon, especially when she meets someone else and I've given her half of the profit from one of the houses.

 

Rob

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Rob, I know how hard this is for you and how brave you had to be to follow through, but as Mark said, you need happiness yourself and in turn this will envelop your daughter.. She will see a father full of joy and when she looks into your eyes, she will see what happiness truly looks like, as it will show.

 

In time your pain will ease and be replaced with the joy of your fatherhood, where you get to spend your time with your precious little girl, and you can laugh and be joyful together having the time you so very much need, as a happy family unit... Just the two of you.

 

Be strong, as I know you can endure this, I have every faith in you, please know you will both come out the other side, happier and stronger together..

 

Remember for me! whether you live together or not, no one on this earth can break the bond you and your daughter share.. It will last forever.

 

I will always be here for you so you are not alone.

 

Christina x x

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Hey Rob,

 

I hope you do get to see your daughter often, I for one cannot imagine the pain you're going through with her leaving the house. But I'm sure sooner or later you'll be able to spend not so often but quality times together. I wish you the best of luck.

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As always Tina you are level headed. You are right in all you have said I just need to focus on all the positives. As you know the phone call I got off Tamzyn last night ripped me to pieces, I know on that side of things I will have to give it time.

 

You are right about the bond we have no one person or one thing will change that.

 

Thankyou Tina you are an absolute angel

 

Rob.xx

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Sidehop, thanks for your kind words. I am hoping to see my daughter as often as possible. She does horse riding and has asked to me to go to as many of them as possible. So that will be more time to see her! Also she is only down the road from where I work for riding and where she lives, so I will never be that far away. So far her mum is being ok so I will work on keeping the good communication going.

 

This site never ceases to amaze me with the amount of the support you get on here. I thank you all so much, knowing there is people out there that genuinely care means so much.

 

Rob

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Rob,

 

I was very sad and a little bit happy to read your post, firstly i am sorry to hear that you will no longer be living with your little girl but she will always stay your daughter and Belladonna was right about the visitation rights, you need to fight for them and have it on paper, people can get nasty in these situations and if she is an emotionally abusive person its likely that your poor little one will be used a pawn to hurt you when she has nothing else left to use.

 

The happy bit im sure sounded odd but you have made a difficult but great choice for yourself and your daughter, being a great dad sometimes means looking after you first and raising a child in a volatile environment is never good, so whist right now its tearing you up that your not going to be there with your daughter when she wakes. take some solace in the fact that you will see her soon and it will be on your terms in a calm happy surrounding.

 

Keep your head up and keep being an awesome dad.

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Ex sweetheart,

 

Thankyou for your kind words and thoughts. As for visitation rights, I will do that as soon as the dust has settled. As for her using my daughter as a pawn, I have no doubt that will happen and to be honest I am sure that the phone call I got last was helped along by her mother as I got from her mum saying Tamzyn misses me, then 10 minutes later she calls, it just seems to fit too well especially as Tamzyn was fine when I dropped off some bits she asked for. So my ex will use her without a doubt, the only thing I can do on that score is take each one of them at a time and think rationally before replying.

 

Thanks for saying I'm a good Dad that is nice to hear. You are right though there is no way I could stay with her mum just for littlun it wasn't doing Tamzyn any good and any person can only keep keeping quiet for the sake of peace for so long, I did that purely for Tamzyn's sake.

 

Rob

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I know how heartbroken you were by the call from Tamzyn Rob, I could feel your pain, but you will survive this, for you are stronger than you think, and so is Tamzyn.

 

Just think of it this way.. You will both be able to share your time just the two of you, and what Tamzyn will see, is more happiness in her father then she has ever seen before. This in turn will bring her happiness, because it will rub off on her to.

 

Sometimes, the lessons life teaches us are hard to bear, but how you choose to deal with those lessons, is key to your own personal growth.

 

You will look back on this, and although pangs of pain will cross from the day Tamzyn left, you will know what you had to do was best, for the sake of yourself and your daughter.

 

I will always be here for you, so remember that, to give you strength when you need it, and support.

 

Tina x x x

 

 

 

 

As always Tina you are level headed. You are right in all you have said I just need to focus on all the positives. As you know the phone call I got off Tamzyn last night ripped me to pieces, I know on that side of things I will have to give it time.

 

You are right about the bond we have no one person or one thing will change that.

 

Thankyou Tina you are an absolute angel

 

Rob.xx

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Tina, you are so right in everything you say. I am a great believer in the fact that we make our own destiny through our choices of how we deal with things.

 

I understand this needs time to sort itself out and let the pain subside on Tamzyns behalf, I can deal with my own pain and be strong for her.....in fact knowing I'm doing that helps immensely.

 

I know you are always there, that is comforting and again helps me be stronger for Tamzyn, Thankyou so much Tina.

 

Rob xxx

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Rob,

 

Though I am not familiar with your situation, I felt the need to let you know that you are not alone. Regardless of possibly some post-partum regret as far as your little girl is concerned, I want you to know in the long run, you have done what is not only right for you but for your family. I know this isn’t easy whatsoever but know the pain that is in your heart WILL heal. Sometimes when we worry about things we have no control over we realize there was nothing you could have done to prevent its painful outcome. Sadly, breaking up only takes ONE party to feel different towards the other. No matter what you made a choice because your heart was not happy.

 

 

You were not put on this earth to be miserable. The way I see it, let your ex find out how her life is without the punching bag you allowed yourself to become. To be loved and give love freely and equally without selfishness is love at its purist form and I know this is what you always wanted. The truth is YOU DO HAVE IT and it is in the form of a nine year old girl. Your daughter loves you so much that despite your current circumstances her love will NEVER, EVER fade. Transfer that resentment you may hold in your heart towards your ex and know that negative feelings and energy solve nothing but allow more hurtful feelings to take root in your heart. Transfer that energy and love to your little girl. She needs to know her Daddy loves her and that things are NOT her fault. I have NO DOUBT WHATSOEVER that you are an excellent father that loves his daughter unconditionally.

 

 

Don’t ever look back Rob. If you do, do it because you are seeking the lessons learned from it. You may have had good times with your ex but also remember when you have to look for the good times BETWEEN the all bad times what does hanging onto the good prove? To move forward one must let go of what is dragging them behind both emotionally and physically. You can do this. You have an entire website on your side. One of the best things someone can say in an unfortunate situation like yours is simple:

 

 

“I believe in you…”

 

 

Those four words allow you get out of bed and put your feet on the floor and say “Today is a new day and I am going to be just fine.” It takes time for the heart to heal but I know in time the pain will subside. Be honest with how you are feeling. Do what you can to work through it and NOT around it. I wish you the best my friend. I know that TRUE love will find you again. Hope is not lost….it is merely misplaced. You are someone that will not only find love…you will rise above this temporary situation and become a better you. It’s up to you now. Unleash the man that you are destined to be. Stand up for what it rightfully yours. I will leave you with something I wrote for myself that I think may help you just as much as it helped me:

 

 

If I Should Fall

 

 

If I should fall, you won’t be here to pick me up

For you left and took my heart

If I have to crawl, I will find you and take back what I gave you

For you don’t deserve such a gift

 

 

If I should fall, I will be alright

Though my chest is heavy, my self-worth carries me far

If only for a moment I hang my head

It’s merely to say a pray for you since I can’t hold you

 

 

If I should fall, you won’t see me cry

For I am a man, though weakened by my open wound

The tears that fall are in your honor

And I hope you know that I won’t stay down very long

 

 

If I should fall, the love I have for you will be my shield

Though you can’t see it, it is there and I thank God for the time we did share

If you were to ever look back, I won’t be there

When I was down, love carried me far away

 

 

If I should fall, I will face my fears and stand

I must find the courage to take back my love and give it to those that deserve it and choose to stay

For underneath this broken man lies a lion

I will rise above this and I look forward to the day that loves finds me again

 

 

If I should fall, don’t cry for me

You threw me away and walked silently out of my life

Like the memories of our love, they will fade

Just as I did from your heart

 

 

If I should fall, you won’t know it

The tracks in the sand may be long

Because I crawled to protect what was left of me

 

 

 

Your Friend,

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

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Wow superdave that's one hell of a reply it must have took you some time. Your thoughts and kind words are gratefully received.

 

I guess I did allow myself to become a punch bag, I would have stood up for myself more but all that ended up doing is causing heated arguments that upset littlun so I had to just take it for her sake at that point I decided that I had no option but to finish the relationship as she killed my love for her too.

 

As for the future, hopefully I will get back to usual happy upbeat self that I once was.

 

On a more positive note: I sortedd littluns new be out for her tonight and she seemed mych happier and quite chirpy, I managed to make her laugh a lot and made sure she knows i love her!

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