Depersonalised - to the ex i was just another dummy!

[mgirl]

Okay, it's been 6 weeks since i broke up with my ex. It was a short relationship, about 6-8 weeks in total, but i was fed the "i've wanted you for 8 years" line because we met 8 years ago and she pursued me then.

 

Fast forward to November 2009. I finally concede cos i see something in that particular person that i didn't see 8 years ago.

 

The "affair / dating phase / potential relationship" moved very fast. Within 3 weeks, i was almost sure i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

 

The cracks started appearing when i realised she was out for a good time, and (despite what she said) didn't really want any emotional responsibility. She once said she wanted "support, love and happiness" and that she had that to offer in return, yet i was yet to see the "support". Or the love really.

 

She was quite demanding and on one occasion wrote me an email saying that i should treat her like "gold" because that's how "she treats people".

 

Anyway, the weird thing is, there was always something stopping me from committing 100%. When we first had sex, i felt like she'd done those things to everybody else, that it was just some sort of drill system. It felt really weird and de-personalised. In other words, i felt like an object.

 

Fast forward to now.

 

She is back on a dating site already!

 

She had previously said she felt "disposable" by me, yet i was the one re-iterating constantly (after we broke up), that i regretted it and was devestated by it. She has never once apologized for ever "hurting" me, yet has demanded and insinuated on every occasion that i "hurt" her, and that i should apologize ("nobody's every spoken to me like that"... when it was just honesty on my behalf).

 

Right now, I feel a partically angry + partially of detached because i have closure now. I am actually really wondering "did she want me", or just somebody to fit into her "busy" life?! It felt like she had a criteria to fulfil and that i was supposed to fit into that. Good luck to the next person she goes out with! Lol...

 

I once heard that she rates people out of 10... How bad is that?! Who does she think she is?

 

In some ways, i feel like a piece of meat, rather than a person, because it seems obvious she was just trying to "fit me" into her life, rather than trying to make a life with me.

 

I just feel so violated, and feel that i was another "sucker" and that i was played, because in the end she wanted contact, but no commitment, and now i suspect she wanted to date around, whilst still leaving me on the side... How rude!

 

How can people be so tacky?

 

How do you get over the fact that you actually saved a part of yourself for somebody, yet they took you for granted, and never apologized for anything... ?

[Capricorn3]

Okay, it's been 6 weeks since i broke up with my ex. It was a short relationship, about 6-8 weeks in total,

6-8 WEEKS is an incredibly short time to invest so much energy into (imo). I can only suggest you let it go and move on. There is so much more you can do with your life than spending so much time agonizing over something so very very short-lived. It's not going to change anything (except stress you out for nothing). It's just not worth it. She obviously doesn't care and has moved on. So should you.

[mgirl]

6-8 WEEKS is an incredibly short time to invest so much energy into (imo). I can only suggest you let it go and move on. There is so much more you can do with your life than spending so much time agonizing over something so very very short-lived. It's not going to change anything (except stress you out for nothing). It's just not worth it. She obviously doesn't care and has moved on. So should you.

 

Yeah, i get that. I just can't believe i was such a sucker, cos usually i am more savvy, which makes it worse. I fell for the "i've wanted you for 8 years" BS.

 

I am more angry at myself for believing that.

 

Yeah, i'm pretty over it, it's just the anger and avoidance on her behalf, that has made me pretty angry. That makes me hang on a bit more, but i know it's futile.

 

Overall, something has clicked inside of me and it's not a good click if you know what i mean!!

[Capricorn3]

Overall, something has clicked inside of me and it's not a good click if you know what i mean!!

Lol, I do know what you mean. I have noticed your threads about this woman and you do seem pretty obsessed about it. It's taking over your life and you can't let it go. Your head is so filled with anger over this ... Did I say obsessed? lol.

 

I guess I have difficulty in understanding why - seeing as it was 6-8 WEEKS. I could understand it if it was 6-8 YEARS, but weeks? That's where I get stuck, lol.

[mgirl]

Haha, yeah, you're right. The reason i am obsessed with it is because i saved a certain part of myself for somebody and it's been 10 years since i lent that part of myself to someone. The only other time i have felt similiar was when i was 22-23, and that was 17 years ago...

 

I am only sorry i "saved" a part of myself. Maybe i did something wrong in doing this?

 

I dunno. I've realised i have to be happy with "me" and that i need to find my life ambition. I've almost given up on romantic relationships, i can't see myself ever having another one. Yet, on the other hand, i think i am going to be really "happy" in my everyday life... go figure

[Capricorn3]

I've realised i have to be happy with "me" and that i need to find my life ambition.

 

^^ There ya go - THAT's where you should be putting all your energy into, not into something that's over and done with and not going to change. That's just wasted energy. Do something constructive with it, lol.

[hexaemeron]

I'm confused. What did you save?

[mgirl]

I'm confused. What did you save?

 

It's not that difficult. A little piece of my heart, just like the song says.

 

Why bother?