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If you wanna skip the long story, just think of acting really insecure, needy and not yourself like most of you have done when your partner broke up with you. But because you feel that you were in so in love, she hung on for so long and it got so bad, that you were threatening to kill yourself if she tried to break up with you just to see if she still cared. It was so embarassing and I don't want to be remembered that way I was pyshotic and was using a lot of drugs, most smoking weed an opiates.

 

My ex gf broke up with me last july. We had been together for about 3.5 years. Lived together after the first year for about a year and a half I was 17 she was 21 when we met. Spent a lot of time together just us all the time. We had some great times, and some bad times, but were so attached to each other. She moved home to go to another school and because she could live at home free. She asked me to come with her but I said no. A few months later it was hard for me and I broke up with her, but talked to her all the time. I felt like we probably would of broke up earlier but me breaking up with her made her want me much more. I surprised her two months later, and we got back together went through that honeymoon stage again, she was great never * * * * * ed or complained. But after a few months it went back to normal, and I stopped having sex with her, then when I wanted to to she didn't want to then she broke up with me. She saw me in pics chilln with other girls, but this was after she tried to break up with me and I begged her to stay. When I went to kiss her she turned her cheek at me. After she saw the pics she said it wasnt a good idea we should talk on the phone then like 3 weeks like she said it was officially over. In November I find out she started dating someone else shortly after, it was possibly two months later. I don't know if she left me for this guy or he is a rebound but there still together. I try to talk to her and she never responds. I went up their and she called the cops on me. I really never bothered her like it may seem I went NC and then tried to contact her a few months later. She probably didnt want to bring up old feelings and moved on with her life. Thing is when she broke up with me she convinced herself by thinking about all the bad things in our relationship, like she was forcing herself too. I want her to remember me by the good times. I wanna get back together a little maybe in the future because I acted so ****ty I don't want her to remember me like that I became a druggie, insecure wussy. I used to be a strong confident mofo and am once again. Thing is she also kinda made me that way she emasculated me with her berating comments. She even said why do u think I was so mean to you. I think she was borderline, she even convinced me that I had mental issues and I went into therapy and am fine.

 

Can anyone related and in time will she remember the good times. I feel that if I contact her it prob makes her mad even though it boosts her ego. So if I stop she won't have anything to be angry about and might reminsnce positively thats really all I want. I dont even care about send her pics and stuff that I loved because I know it looks weak but Im not trying to reconcile as much as I dont want her to forget about me and the good times and not focus on the bad. It hurts so bad. I know shes wrong blaming me for the whole thing, i think she did that to try and manipulate me knowing it would bother me because I am a compassionate and dont like to see others hurt because I can relate.

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It sounds like she was abusive towards you. I don't know her but, sometimes, older girls want to date young guys because the lack of experience prevents the guy from seeing what an emotional disaster the girl is.

 

Considering you were underage when you met each other makes me very suspicious of her real intentions. It's not a rule but it's not rare either that very damaged people want to find a kind and inexperienced person to manipulate, ruin and sometimes even destroy.

I'm not exaggerating, a guy I used to know was so bitter about a break-up that he (21 years of age) began dating a 16 year old, made her a drug addict and got her to move in with him within 2 months of knowing each other, the relationship did last for several years but it was awful for both of them, in the end the girl robbed him to run away with a new guy and he was puzzled as to "why she had changed so much".

And I told you the full story in case you could relate to any of that.

 

So, I think your current scenario is like this: You want to get out of a hole by digging further down.

 

If she is not a bad person then surely, as time passes, she will only remember the good things about you. It's exactly the way you said it:

 

 

I feel that if I contact her it prob makes her mad even though it boosts her ego. So if I stop she won't have anything to be angry about and might reminsnce positively thats really all I want.

 

 

 

Let her be, don't worry about her opinion of you and think only about your opinion of yourself, how you want your future life to be and how to prevent attracting another girl like her that will only change you and make you insecure.

 

You're on the right path again, don't hesitate, don't look back; just continue to move forward.

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I agree she was abusive towards me, she was very controlling and the most jealous person I have ever met in my life. She was jealous of any girl I talked to that wasn't her. She was even jealous of my relationship with my mother sister father and family. She distanced me from them. I know that this is probably a blessing, that shes gone. But I still love her despite what she has done. My ego is bothering me because I gave all my power away to her, and still do by contacting her. Over the last eight months I went no more than 2 months in between contacting her. For the first two months she would respond to my texts. I stopped contacting her she wished me a happy birthday a month after that. I found out she was dating someone else someone she had met when I broke up with her a year before this. She started seeing him in late August. I have said many times that I would stop contacting her than I did. I just dont want to be remembered that way.

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Sorry for not replying sooner.

 

I know how you feel, I have been there too and trust me it was a bad idea to try to change how things turned out. I ended going back with my ex only to find a very similar situation than before, the break-up was just as bad and I wasted another year of my life.

 

The way to feel better about yourself is not through her opinion, because like you said, that's giving her power to keep controlling you.

You gave her power to tell you who you could talk to or not and even to make you distance yourself from your family. You said you still love her, and considering not a lot of time has passed since the break up it's dangerous to keep trying to get close to her because you could end up allowing her to rule everything you do again.

 

You shouldn't keep investing in a person who don't deserve another second of your time, she has not changed and the result cannot be different otherwise. She's not okay and I'm willing to bet you're the best she's ever had, what's more, if she doesn't get help you're the best guy she will ever have, and I'm sure she is aware of this.

But what matters is you and your future, you can be with a normal person who treats you right, you can also be okay on your own for a while.

 

Don't pay attention to what went wrong or what could have been, look ahead and enjoy everything you're recovering now, you are free to start a new life.

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But because you feel that you were in so in love, she hung on for so long and it got so bad, that you were threatening to kill yourself if she tried to break up with you just to see if she still cared. It was so embarassing and I don't want to be remembered that way I was pyshotic and was using a lot of drugs, most smoking weed an opiates.

 

yes, eventually she will remember the good times. but it will probably take quite some time before she does.

 

i have felt suicidal, been referred to cns's, been prescribed several psychoactive medications (i no longer use any of them). so i know how you feel/felt. that said, about the most manipulative and controlling thing you can attempt - is threaten to kill yourself if somebody is considering breaking up with you. yes - you were embarrassed and that was the appropriate emotion based on what you did. please understand that you should never, ever threaten suicide based on what anyone in your life decides to do or not do.

 

some people enjoy weed/opiates, i do not. i suggest you banish all soft drugs from your life forever. if you can handle a little alcohol, stick to that in moderation and dispose of every other substance.

 

i understand where you are coming from, and i'm sorry about all the pain you're dealing with. please get yourself to a counselor/therapist and start pouring out your emotions in an appropriate environment, get to work on finding better ways to cope...and stick with it. no excuses. take back control of your life and never give anyone that much power over you again.

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