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Am I rebound, friend, or nothing?


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My boyfriend and I broke up a little over a month ago. There is this guy I have known for almost three years and have always had a thing for him, before my last boyfriend, but he has always been taken. We've always talked and kept in touch over the years. We take long breaks of not communicating but catch up quickly, we even wrote each other while he was away at boot camp for the military, this is while I was with my ex and he had a gf. A week after me and my ex broke up, this guys gf left him because she wanted to live and was lonely since he's gone during the week. When he was with her he would always text me flirty and suggestive things, when they broke up he stopped. He still talks to me but only for advice. My ex and I have no chance of reconciliation but I cant say the same about this guy and his gf. We hung out on valentines day and just did something very casual, we were both sad though as the break ups were fresh. Now I feel like I am forcing him to hang out with me and talk to me and I feel stupid. I don't know what to do because I care about him so much and really want to be with him.

Advice?

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yeah just give it some time. try to become better friends and see where that goes. worst case scenario you end up with an even stronger friendship. I was in a similar situation with the girl Im dating now. she was really sweet and warm and reminded me what its like to be happy

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Well it's advice on helping understand why she is doing the things she is and what he should do. So yes in a way. It is so hard to be biased.

I do not like the girl, I went to school with her a couple years back, she is sweet at times but also very controlling and immature.

He still flirts with me at times telling me these dreams he has about me and asks me to hang out but then he will randomly not text back mid convo.

what do i do?

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Do you mind hearing him out & offering your input about her/them?

 

It seems like he is wondering if it is really over between him & his ex or not, and it seems as though he doesn't wish it to be.

 

Things are still so much "up in the air" for him. It does not seem even near like a good time to think of starting up something romantic with him. From what you've said it seems difficult to imagine something that would be lasting vs. fleeting/rebound, if at all.

 

If you are able to hang out just as platonic friends, that would be all it would seem 'reasonable' to expect at this time. If it feels like too much for you (you say you really want to be with him) then you'd probably be wise to give yourself some space around things & shift your perspective until he is in a position that is more clear. Though even if it becomes clear it is completely over between those two, he may need emotional time to heal before getting into something else.

 

Not sure why you feel that you are forcing him to talk & hang out with you?

 

p.s. And in answer to your thread title, to me it seems like you fall into the "friend" category at the moment....

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I went to lunch/ dinner with him today as he is here for the weekend. It felt very friendly yet he insisted on picking me up and paying for the bill. I don't know what to think anymore. When we are texting it's really flirty and in person it is completely friendly. I met his mother and it was just a nice day. I can't help but having feelings for him. I dont know what he is thinking though as he is still dealing with his ex...

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