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HELP!!! Questions unanswered:

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ok here it goes... i am 20 years old and my ex girlfriend and i just broke up about 10 days ago. we dated for about a year and 3 months and never had a problem, no arguing, no fighting, nothing at all except for two occations. the first was she went to visit a college with one of her friends and ended up kissing another guy while at a party. doesnt sound that bad huh? well i found out about the whole situation about a week after it happened and it turns out that the guy she kissed was a guy she had been talking to before we started dating. when we started "talking" she always said that this guy was her cousin. haha it was almost amusing. well this happened about 4 months ago. i took her back immediately bc honestly she was truly sorry for what she had done.... we were happy as could be up until about 2 and a half weeks ago when rumors started flying around about me cheating on her during our relationship. well i am ashamed to admit it but i did cheat on her but not to the extent that people made it out to be. when we first started talking i had sex with this other girl when i was drunk. i really wasnt attracted to her and i really dont know why i did it. but i let it happen a few times after that but it stopped completely after we had started our relationship for a month. i realized that i was falling completely haed over heels in love with the girl that is now my ex. but i called on this girl again after all of this came out about my ex kissing this other guy. well at first when she asked me about all of it i lied, then i told a little bit of the truth, then a little more, then a little more..... until it finally all came out. i really wanted to tell her before but i couldnt bring myself to completely destroy the girl that i loved so much. well she said that she was walking away forever and i lost it. i tried to commit suicide, but ended up turning my life over to God that night. i had not only been telling her lies but everyone that surrounded me. i had screwed up everything that i had by not telling the truth. well everyone in my life has forgiven me so far including my parents but she refuses to. idk wut i have to do but i have totally changed my life around and she sees that but she still says its hard getting over that situation.


we talk every night on the phone and all day through texts and shes constantly saying shes still in love with me and that she loves me and she wants to marry me and have my kids.... so why is it so hard for her to forgive me? and why cant i have her back right now? i feel like im gonna go insane with the ups and downs of this emotional roller coaster... i just wish she would say yes i wanna be with you lets work this out or no just get outta my life.



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Your story sounds very similar to mine. My girlfriend broke up with me after a year and two months. Around the end of July, she was blackout drunk and made out with a guy in Europe, and i forgave her when i found out, because she was truly sorry. I never cheated on her, but i did hurt her. What hurt her the most was that I couldn't see that I was hurting her. She says that she's forgiven me, but i know that she hasn't. How can she really forgive me when she's still healing from the hurt i put her through?


When my girlfriend broke up with me, i found God also. I'd always "believed" i guess, but i never really had faith. I was broken up with at the end of December and i've been reading my bible daily, almost without exception, since then. I've learned a lot, and grown more in the past two months than i have in the past five years. God has been the only thing keeping me going at times. I'd first like to make some suggestions for you spiritually before i address your ex.


First, i think you should start reading the bible if you haven't already. You're hurting pretty badly right now, i know. Reading the scriptures is very comforting, and it will help not only take your mind off of things, but turn them to MUCH more positive thoughts. Don't try starting with the old testament, definitely begin reading the new. The old testament certainly needs to be read, but right now, you need to know what's in the gospels and the epistles. The new testament is full of God's love and mercy and forgiveness and that's going to help you more than anything right now. Start attending church. If you're not comfortable going by yourself, go with someone you know that goes to church. Don't be one of those people that just goes to church to be going to church though. If you're not there to give praise and thanks to God, then what's the point. If you sing, don't just sing the words, think about what they mean as you're singing. When you're listening to the sermon, focus on what the pastor is saying, make sure you're comprehending what's being said. If you ever have any questions about anything in the scriptures, or anything church related, or you just need someone to talk to, then please send me a message. Don't take this as me saying that i know everything either, because i don't. I'm sure some of your questions i wouldn't be able to answer. I'm just starting to learn, and it's a life long process.


That said, you've got to understand, you can't change your life in ten days. I'm sure you've made leaps and bounds in the right direction, but it's going to take time to really transform your life. Don't tell your ex you're making these changes, don't tell anyone you're making these changes. If you're making changes, make them for yourself, no one else needs to know. When you start changing, people are going to find out, and they'll be more impressed than if you'd told them. My ex has told me that she sees changes in me, and she likes them, but she's not sure they're going to be long term or if i'm just doing them for her. I think your ex might be thinking along these same lines. I also think you need to give your ex some space. It takes time for someone to forgive for something that really hurt them. Like i said earlier, "How can she really forgive me when she's still healing from the hurt i put her through?" This applies perfectly to your situation as well. A little time apart from you will really help her to start the healing process and forgive you eventually.


I'd like to leave you with a few verses to take to heart.


1 Corinthians 13:4-7

"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."


Good luck, and i'm going to say a prayer for you.

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