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Help he texted me and I feel tempted to respond


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I have been venting all day about my ex in the relationship just died thread. My ex texted me just a Hey You while I was out at a movie. We have not spoken since Saturday. I feel tempted to respond. I need some one to talk some sense into me. I don't want to be at my ex's beckon call. I am weak and vulnerable right now though, so I feel like I might cave.

 

PS. Still on self destruct mode with exs. I just got back from a movie with my teenage crush (We have been friends for 11 years but sometimes he still tries to make moves on me), and I think I am going to the city to hang out with my first love again and his best friend in an hour. From other thread I saw an old fling on sat. Why I am going back to all people I used to have feelings for? I don't know. But I feel like I want to surround myself with them right now. Maybe because I feel like they still want me? Is this totally unhealthy?

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This is the most vulnerable time in a break up. The period when loneliness sets in, and when you put your other half on a pedastool and cant remember their wrong doings (however it appears you dont have this issue).

 

I let my other half txt each day, I never initiated contact. Eventually though, through time or through the pain I felt each time she txt me, I had to ask for no contact. It came to the point that each time she txt it slowly killed me a little more inside. So basically I had 2 choices i found, either I just lay down and died inside, or I made the positive steps to heal. Acceptance, and no contact.

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OK that didn't last long...this is why I shouldn't be allowed to have nothing to occupy me right now. I responded I feel like a weak person. I just wrote "hi..I am tired going to bed". Because thats what he would have wrote to me during the past two weeks. He wrote back night. I said nothing.

 

I wish I didn't write back. Lesson learned.

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Hey, next time you feel tempted to write back sit yourself down at your computer or with a pen a piece of paper.

 

Write out what you would possibly say to him and why, and what possible responses you think you might get, and focus on the bad reactions, or rather the reactions you dont want, because chances are those are the only reactions you will get.

 

Remind yourself of all the consequences and just tell yourself over and over again. Not responding is a battle thats going to have to be fought minute by minute, then hour by hour, then day by day, until you get to a point where you are ok.

 

youll do fine

 

oh, and dont beat yourself up over responding or making mistakes... most of us here have done the exact same thing multiple times.

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Thanks Mustachio that is great advice. I kind of tried to do something similar by writing in the write here instead of to your ex thread, but that only helped for a minute.

 

I am grateful that I did not write more than I did. My response was one of obvious indifference I think. I have so much I want to say to him but I didn't. I just said I was going to bed (which is not true). His response was not bad just a "nite".

 

I feel bad that I wrote anything at all. I think I responded in part due to spite. I wanted him to feel like how his responses made me feel over the past two weeks, but I lost the power again. However, I am happy I made it over an hour before I responded, and I'm happy that I didn't say more than I did.

 

Hopefully if he texts me again, I can also read how I am feeling about my responding right now, and I can take your advice in as well. Next time, I will make it through.

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well just remember this too... the only thing that matters is how you responding makes you feel. not how it makes him feel. And i dont say that to be harsh, but if you are broken up, there is no relationship, its only you, and some other person, so really its only about how it makes you feel.

 

I have been dealing with other stuff the past few days so i havent been able to read through your other thread yet, but i will take a look tomorrow and see if i can post any other more insightful advice.

 

But really, dont beat yourself up over that small text, you said practically nothing, and neither did he. Move past it and just focus on how it makes you feel, and use it to make your resolve stronger.

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