Jump to content

After 3 months, we get really close she become distant???


AlwayzRight

Recommended Posts

Ok this girl I have been seeing for about 3 months, everything we going really well, had alot of fun, and then whe it became time to where we probably should either become exclusive or not she becomes distant for about a month and then tells me that she is happy being single. Her reasoning for becoming distant is that she says she has a "defense mechanism" so that she doesnt get too close to someone.

 

Her reasoning is she really enjoyed spending time with me it just came to point where if it went any further it would lead to something that she is not prepared for and one of us would be hurt in the long run and she doesnt want to hurt me. She says she is at a point in her life where if she doesnt get her life straight she never will. She says she is happy being single and doesnt want to sound selfish but she likes to do what she wants, when she wants, likes to go out with her friends way to much and doesnt want to have to answer to someone. This is a girl who has told me that she is scared of commitment and the few long term relationships she has had she has been hurt pretty bad. She finally tells me this after a month of being distant and she would have told me earlier but becasue of my bday and v-day she didnt want me to feel bad.

 

 

I think her reasoning is kind of a cop out. We had a GREAT TIME for 3 months and she all of a sudden became distant because there started to be a little "pressure" to become a little more than casual.

I am thinking she is either scared to get close to someone again because she has been hurt, there is someone else, or she is just not in to me.

 

What do I do? I like the girl and have asked her if there is a way to back before there is any pressure between us but she tells me that she is fine being friends.

 

I have asked if her if she wants me to lose her number and move on or if she wants to completely end this but she wont tell me that is what she wants.

 

The other night, out of nowhere after not talking to her for a week I randomly sent her a text asking her is she is scared to get too close to someone because of things that have happened in past relationships and she just replied with "I think that I have already explained that"

 

I have backed off from contacting her but as soon as I did she starts to contact me again.

 

I like this girl and would like to go back to no pressure fun but do not know how to proceed. Do I stop contacting her altogether, do I try to go back to playfull fun as when first started getting to know each other?

 

The thing is I am not ready to write this girl off and move on as she is probably the first girl in a year and a half since I became single that I have actually kind of liked and would even consider opening myself up to. I am also a little persistent when I want something but I do not want to smother anyone. I do not want to like someone that doesnt like me.

 

Any thoughts and opinions on the situation? How should I proceed?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As a general rule people dislike it when you disagree with them and try to change their minds.

 

I would suggest you agree with her completely (for now, at least) and back off. Tell her to call you sometime if she ever wants to hang out. Then, just act like it isn't a big deal.

 

If she responds and comes back, then maybe she really was just scared of getting serious.

 

Just don't push her, or you may lose her completely.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I personally think you should walk away from this girl. What you say is probably true:

 

I am thinking she is either scared to get close to someone again because she has been hurt, there is someone else, or she is just not in to me.

 

For one of these reasons, she gave another guy her number while drunk. She's not committed to you and doesn't want to be. Asking her, pushing her, to answer your questions may be seen as you being a little bit weak. Just something to consider.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I personally think you should walk away from this girl. What you say is probably true:

 

 

 

For one of these reasons, she gave another guy her number while drunk. She's not committed to you and doesn't want to be. Asking her, pushing her, to answer your questions may be seen as you being a little bit weak. Just something to consider.

 

probably, but for some reason I honestly think she really doesn't know what she wants. I would of and probably should of written her off awhile ago, but I kind of like this one and for me that is rare in itself because I am vey picky.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There is a pretty similar post maybe a page down.

 

What Ivory Tower said.... and what I said in the other post..... She very well might come back, but at this point you can mostly just push her away. Go find other women, have fun.... don't scare her away. Toughest part of relationships is realizing how much of it is just out of your control.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There is a pretty similar post maybe a page down.

 

What Ivory Tower said.... and what I said in the other post..... She very well might come back, but at this point you can mostly just push her away. Go find other women, have fun.... don't scare her away. Toughest part of relationships is realizing how much of it is just out of your control.

 

So you do not think I should contact her....at ALL?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know if I'd go quite that far. If you have something fun going on, maybe invite her. Drop a SHORT note if you haven't heard anything in awhile. Some other people would tell you just not to contact her at all, and they might be right. But she is telling you that she wants distance, so give it to her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You've been given some good advice here.

 

This is defiantly one of those situations where you can push her away so avoid talking or texting asking questions about the situation. She has taken a month to work out how she feels about it and probably doesn’t want or need to explain her actions any more than she has. The fact she has taken a month is actually a good sign, she had to think long and hard, if she dint like you that decision would have been made in a week.

 

I know what you mean about no pressure fun but unfortunately at the moment you want something she can’t give to you, therefore there is natural tension. I've been there myself in the last month, my girl did a very similar thing after 2 months and became distant and wasn’t sure what she wanted, but 3 weeks later we have come out the other side.

 

I see it as you have 2 options here and it depends how emotionally strong you are:

 

1. Light contact: You should back off and let her make the effort to contact you, if and when she does it has to be light, friendly fun with no pressure. You may have to battle your emotions at times but under no circumstances can you express these to her or appear distant, depressed or hurt. This is a turn off for any girl. Confidence is the key and loving yourself first and then her! She may come back around but it may take time.

 

2. No contact: you can either announce to her you need some time and requests she doesn’t contact you which I believe is the best way. Or do the fall of the radar which then means ignoring all those calls and txts, which I think is harsh and playing childish games. Either way go out have fun, try not to think about her to much. It’s a win win, she may then realise that she misses you but either way it works out you will move on and if you reconnect you will be more confident and stronger for it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I sent that text asking her is she is scared to get to close to someone late Sunday night, with her response. Now if I don't not hear anything from her I was just going to text a simple, "how's it going" on tuesday or should I wait until Thursday to do this?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

your thinking to much.

 

'Hows it going' is a pointless text that will likely get ignored, it sounds needy.

 

Go out have fun with your friends, if she texts you then she is thinking about you and wants to hear from you. Don't wait around for a text or think about when your next contact with her may be. You need to think about number one atm.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Okay. Couple things:

 

1) You are WAY over-analyzing this, and that is usually a sign that you are in trouble.

 

2) If you just sent her that on Sunday, I would not initiate contact for at least this whole week and weekend, probably longer. I was under the impression that the text happened awhile ago and there had been some contact in between.

 

3) In fact, I would probably lean more towards not initiating contact at all, because it seems like you are a little too emotionally involved at the moment.

 

 

Sorry to be harsh, but it seems like you are looking for validation here to do something proactive here, and I just don't think thats right. My 2 cents.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I really do not think waiting a whole week to initiate contact is such a good idea. I do not want her to think that I have lost interest in her. I would really like to chime in with a little "how is it going" text tonight...but I think it would be better to wait until Wedenesday or Thursday. Yes I am overanalyzing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No.............. you do want her to think you lost interest in her.

 

You pretty much laid your heart out to her and she told you that she isn't interested in a relationship. She needs to miss you, and she needs to have that little worry alarm go off in her head about what if she never sees you again. You are going to drive her away and look needy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

probably, but for some reason I honestly think she really doesn't know what she wants. I would of and probably should of written her off awhile ago, but I kind of like this one and for me that is rare in itself because I am vey picky.

 

Are you picky in the sense that you like ones that don't like you back?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Are you picky in the sense that you like ones that don't like you back?

 

Not at all. I am picky with who I let in to my world though. I guess when you have been hurt bad in the past you learn to do that. I guess I am just picky with woman in that they have to have that certain "IT" for me to even consider being interested. I can not explain what that "IT" is, but I know it when I feel it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

ummm I wouldn't text her at all. I would wait and follow her lead. She's told you how she wants it to be, so just follow it the way she wants. And then when you get bored of that, you can just drift away and it won't matter.

 

If you keep initiating texts she will get annoyed.

 

 

I agree, but why did she start contacting me as soon as I stopped?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Because that’s the way it works, she needs reassurance that your still there whenever she wants and only when it’s convenient for her. You’re her lap dog right now!!!

 

Not a good place, take control of your life and let her do a bit of chasing for a change.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If I dated someone for 3 months and they told me they "were happy being single", I would walk away as fast as I could. I learned from the last guy not to wait around too long in the hopes that things will change.

 

I don't buy the defense mechanism stuff. I've seen that too often - people being "afraid of being hurt" and next thing you know, they are in a relationship - with someone else.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ladies....I need your opinions and thoughts on this one. Do you think her reasoning for wanting to be single is a cop out? Also her response below....thoughts on that?

 

Anyways a little update, she texted me on Friday and then on Saturday actually had her friend text me and mess with me to see if I was a bad guy. So anyways I called her out about her little text phone game because I found out whose cell number it was Wednesday and pretty much called her a little girl. Anyways I confronted her about her text game I asked her if she wanted to hang out again sometime and her response was "I do not know when I have to work the next few weekends" Which she does and since our work schedules are a weird and we live in different towns that is really the only time we can see each other is when we both have it off.

 

Thoughts and opinions??? Should I just stop and let her go? She doesnt want pressure and I do not want to smother her but it seems like she would like she would still like to see me

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think it's entirely possible she has lost interest in you and wants to focus on drinking and kissing other guys while in a drunken stupor as she has done in the past.

 

 

I think you are about 80% right....considering that is how I met her in the first place......

 

anymore opinions?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...