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Aye, up and down, up and down


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It's been just over two weeks since the breakup of a wonderful 5-month relationship with my first girlfriend (first love and sexual partner). I desperately want this emotional rollercoaster to stop. Some days are good, some are not. Saturday night was cool, I felt okay yesterday even though I didn't do anything productive, and right now is the worst I have felt in several days.

 

I left school early today because of a stomach ache/possible fever. On the bus ride home, a young couple sitting close to me kissed each other so much, they were practically making out. I wanted to close my eyes, but I could hear what they were doing plain and clear.

 

When I got home, I sent my ex an email asking her if she would be down to get coffee next week during our week off from school. She said that she needed some time to not be around me, but I have never known how much time is appropriate. She said that although she wants to, now is way too soon, saying that 2-3 months from now would be more reasonable to meet on friendly terms.

 

I guess I was setting myself up for that, but I just wanted to know. I then curled up in bed, replaying in my mind the images of us cuddling up in bed together... her smile, laugh, touch, intimacy.... longing for all of those things. I just wish I could be with someone right now. Sigh.

 

I am also aware that I broke this whole NC thing, but it felt impossible over the course of these last two weeks to not send her any emails. I wish I could have her back in my life. I just know that if we do return on friendly terms, I know what we won't be doing, and right now, that hurts so much.

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Sorry my friend but she is letting you know for now she only wants to be friends and maybe always only friends. It sounds like she is moving on and you are still holding on. I know the feeling, and it is not something that is easy to except. I wish I had some good advice for you but when my first love left me many years ago it took me a long time to get over it because I was not willing to except it was over. I tortured myself with thoughts and actions that made disrespect myself.

 

I can tell you if you really are not ready to let go and want any chance of getting her back if that is even possible, you must stop all contact with her. She is the one in control right now and she knows it. If you stop contacting her she may start missing you. If you stay available she will probably never return.

 

I am not saying this will work, but it is your only shot. At least in the end you will have your self respect and hers. good luck.

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Perhaps I am subconsciously trying to claw back the relationship, but my instinct is just wanting to know how she is doing. I'm the one who brought up the topic of eventually just being friends. The very concern of being concerned about her is what she doesn't want me to feel, because I would not be able to let go if I continue to hold on.

 

Every time I take the bus to the transfer point where I catch another bus - a stop located in the university district where her school is at (and one block up the hill from where she works), I always look around while I'm waiting, just hoping we'd run into or spot each other. But it's always slim and I don't know why I think that in a university district, I'm going to run into her out of all those people coming and going.

 

She says to not worry about her, but right now, I can't help but worry about her. I miss her greatly. I just want to hear her voice and see her face, but that won't happen for a while.

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She moved to this city not even a month before we met. In her email response today, she said that she needs quite a bit of time to establish herself in this city without me by her side. I mean, I was practically one of the first people she met here, and became one of her best friends around. I suppose she does need to be apart from me, especially since I am not the reason for her moving here in the first place (I was introduced to her by a friend), but it's easier said than done... regardless of how much loving support I have from friends.

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Your ex sounds like a really mature person, and very aware of what she needs to get over this break-up.

 

I understand that you're hurting right now but i think what she says is wise.

Trying to be friends 2 weeks post-break-up would be difficult for most.

Give yourself some more time.

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