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Need Some Friendly Advice


darth_vader

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Hello All,

 

I'ts been awhile for me to post on this site. Everyone here has always given me good unbiased advice and helped me when I was at my lowest and I thank you!

 

So alot has happened to me the last two months. I've been dating this great girl from I met in my MBA program. We started as friends for a year. She is 29 and Im 32. I haven't had a real relationship since I was 25. Yeah you read that right 25. Reason being is my last girlfriend cheated on me twice and dumped me. I was so devastated. I know everyone gets dumped buy I'm the kind of guy where when something burns me I will stay away from it. So it took an act of god for me to date this girl I'm with now. She really stuck by me to show me that she cared for me.

 

So this girl is beautiful, fun, kind, and we have so much in common. We have alot of fun together. She had a previous long term relationship for 7 years that just would not work out. I'm just trying to give you all the quick intro. I have two things that bother me so much everyday, they cause me severe anxiety.

 

1. My father is an old school Italian guy. He most likely won't approve of this girl because she is not that good 1932 wholesome Italian girl. It's just the way he is. I know you all will say it doesn't matter what he thinks its what you want. I totally agree with that. But when the day arrives where she has to meet my father and he acts like a fool again, how do I explain to this girl that my dad hates you? It is so unfair and my father does this to me and he has no idea the problems he can cause by acting like that. She will be hurt.

 

2. As you can tell from above I have trust issues. I have not shown this girl my insecure side and I do not plan to. I have learned alot from 25 to 32 years of solitude and have learned nobody likes insecurity. I don't either. My biggest fear is when I start noticing the natural simple relationship changes begin like when the beginning "WOW" / "Exciting" factor of a relationship wears off. I think signs are showing themselves now. Does anyone have advice to cope with this? I start thinking back to my Ex and how she dumped me and I feel that when these relationship factors dwindle, I assume she will dump or cheat any day now. Any ideas of how to cope with relationship progressions?

 

Anyway. Thanks to much for taking the time to read my problems above. It's hard to get through the day or even sleep sometimes when I have these two things on my mind 24 7.

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Why not don't introduce someone to the family until you really get to know them - and that is to the point of being natural and being yourself in the relationship. Even "old school" people will like someone if their child is clearly happy and people may surprise you. I dealt with an old school father and he seemed a bit gruff but when we stepped toward commitment, the ex's father warmed up to me. I think that you are using your dad as an excuse - you don't know what he will do being that it has "been awhile".

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32 and still wondering about what if daddy doesn't like the person who will potentially become your future wife and mother of your children? The way to get out of this dilemma is to think about who will be on your dying bed, her or your father? As long as you've shown the appropriate respect to your father such as announcing to him your plans with this girl, you should not be worrying about anything else what your father thinks. If he shows any signs of disapproval, then he is disrespecting your wishes as a man and as a son. It's time for a man to man talk with your father when that does happen.

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Hi Darth

 

> Reason being is my last girlfriend cheated on me twice and dumped me.

 

And this girl is not your last girlfriend, hon.

 

> I was so devastated. I know everyone gets dumped buy I'm the kind of guy where when something burns me I will stay away from it. So it took an act of god for me to date this girl I'm with now. She really stuck by me to show me that she cared for me.

 

yep, she's still not your last girlfriend, she's your now girlfriend, who loves and cares for you.

 

> So this girl is beautiful, fun, kind, and we have so much in common. We have alot of fun together.

 

So go with it, take a chance.

 

> She had a previous long term relationship for 7 years that just would not work out.

 

so she has her own issues, but is taking a chance on you?

 

> 1. My father is an old school Italian guy. He most likely won't approve of this girl because she is not that good 1932 wholesome Italian girl. It's just the way he is.

 

and then again, he might just see the beautiful, fun, kind girl, that you know she is,

and see how happy you are together.

 

>I know you all will say it doesn't matter what he thinks its what you want. I totally agree with that. But when the day arrives where she has to meet my father and he acts like a fool again, how do I explain to this girl that my dad hates you?

 

Then don't take her to meet your father, until you're sure you can cope with any reaction.

But maybe you're underestimating things, maybe he and her would be fine,

(did you take the ex to meet him?).

 

> It is so unfair and my father does this to me and he has no idea the problems he can cause by acting like that. She will be hurt.

 

Choices, hon,

if you think she will be hurt, then don't make the situation happen.

 

> 2. As you can tell from above I have trust issues.

 

mmhhmm, but not with this girl, she isn't your ex and doesn't deserve to be treated

as though she's going to behave like her.

 

> I have not shown this girl my insecure side and I do not plan to.

 

No, but you could talk to her about those previous insecurities and why they have burned you, but try and move on from them and not transfer them onto her.

 

> I have learned alot from 25 to 32 years of solitude and have learned nobody likes insecurity.

 

We're all insecure on some level, just some of us hide it more than others

But another name for insecurity is vulnerability and it's not a bad thing to be able

to say, hey, I'm vulnerable.

 

> I don't either. My biggest fear is when I start noticing the natural simple relationship changes begin like when the beginning "WOW" / "Exciting" factor of a relationship wears off. I think signs are showing themselves now. Does anyone have advice to cope with this?

 

Just be yourself, try and see her for herself, be kind to each other.

 

> I start thinking back to my Ex and how she dumped me and I feel that when these relationship factors dwindle, I assume she will dump or cheat any day now.

 

no hon, you don't know that,

she's not your ex.

 

She's her own person, give her that chance.

 

> Any ideas of how to cope with relationship progressions?

 

Listen, talk, leave the ex behind

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