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Don't really understand


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Background information ...


- 4 year relationship

- Split in late October, due to both of us getting complacent and not doing new and exciting things

- I went NC from November up until January. This has been followed by LC (All initiated by her)

- She started talking to a new guy two weeks after we split (he went to high school with her and they were friends in school)


She started initiating contact way back in early January. The initial contact was a basic apology. "I am sorry for what I have put you through and I miss you ..." All of that good stuff. She signed off right after the message so I did not respond.


... a few days later she messaged me again. This time was a more heart felt conversation. We spoke for a couple of hours on the phone as she cried most of the conversation. I told her how I still felt and she said she felt the same still ... but was not ready to commit back to me yet.


The conversations have grew more and more as of late. Instead of being once every few weeks they are becoming more and more of a daily basis.


A few weeks ago, I put up some Staind [Great band!!] lyrics as an away message. I signed on to my email account a few hours later. She had messaged me and said that Yes, she would still be there waiting. She told me about how she wanted to do nothing but marry me since late 2006.


So I responded back to her. In the message, I told her that she knows the changes that I have made. That I realized the error of my ways and that I have matured as a person. I explained to her that I was able to go out and do things now because I did not know how it effected her so negatively. I told her that I was tired of waiting and that I am not going continue waiting for her to make a decision.


When she wrote back it was one of her better messages she had sent yet. She had finally stopped blaming me for the breakup. She had told me that she realized that it was not all of my fault. That she had made a bad decision by just leaving me. That it was selfish and that she regretted the decision. She explained to me that the new guy was a friend from school. That she should have never taken their relationship to that level and he was more of a friend.


She told me about her recent depression. That he was depressed as was she. She connected to him because they were going through similar situations with their families and they connected on some level. She told me that I did not understand because I am so up beat and out going and that she did not want to involve me in her problems.


My response was that I was here to help her through her hard times. That how was I supposed to know if she never talked to me about it? That I felt our relationship suffered from a lack of communication between us. I told her that I was there to help but had zero intentions of being a security blanket for her ...


She told me "You are not a security blanket because your not, I still do have feelings for you, I just don't have feelings for myself"


I don't know what the hell that means (


That was about a week ago.


I have a trip set up with a couple of my good friends. I am leaving later today on a flight from New York to Florida. I received a text from her yesterday morning ...


"(My old knickname she called me), have a good day and I miss you"


I think received one this morning before I head out saying


"I hope you have a safe trip. I wish that I was going with you. Have fun, and I will miss you."




To me it seems that she is having a change of feelings towards me and seeing that I can things by myself has made her happy. I was very unmotivated a while ago and needed kicks in the *** to get motivated. I now attend the gym 6 days a week, new job, new house and all of the good stuff


My question is though, am I doing the right thing? Does it seem that she is trying to play me? I am just confused. Sorry for the long post.

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What part of Florida are you coming to? I was in New York this just this weekend. First time ever!


You ask if you are doing the right thing, but Im not sure what you want to know. You did the right thing in setting some standards (telling her you are not going to wait around), going into NC for the period of time you did, improving yourself, etc. So in that regard, yes, you have done all the right things.


The rest all depends on your feelings for her. If you want to reconcile, I think you are OK doing LC, but you are going to have to also demand that she straightens herself out. If you are going to get back together, both of you have to improve yourselves. You're on the right track, but she seems like she isn't. If those issues that caused your break up don't get resolved now, then you will simply fall right back into the same hole and go through another break up with her.


If you do not have feelings for her, or really just want to move on, then you are going about this all the wrong way. As much as she denies it, you are being a bit of a security blanket. And she could genuinely be interested in you and really want to work on getting back together, but if you don't feel the same, you are simply leading her on. I would tell her that you are sorry you don't feel the same, and ask her to stop contacting you.

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