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How do I make myself happy?


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It seems impossible. I haven't been truly happy in years, and I'm just fed up of burying myself deeper and deeper in to this rut. I don't help myself at all. I wallow in my own self-pity. I feel sorry for myself all the time and I expect others to make me happy. I realise my unhappiness stems from my lack of motivation to do anything. I'm depressed but I'm too ashamed to tell anyone about it and get help. I have no money but I'm too lazy to get a job. Why am I doing this to myself? I hate who I've become. It's even starting to affect my relationship. It's just down hill all the way, unless I change. But how do I do that? How do I change who I am? How can I ever be happy? Help.

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I have experienced depression and those kinds of things. When depression is severe you need outside help. REMEMBER THAT!!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully you won't have to worry about that. But I'd say get in quickly as, as they say - doing the same old thing tends to produce the same old results.


Your dissatisfaction and unhappiness is your body and mind's way of telling you you need to make some changes to make you feel better. So you're halfway there! You've identified the problem!


Next, don't feel alone or weird about it. Everybody feels like this to some degree off and on at different times of their lives. Look at all the unhappiness on this forum!! So you are not alone or weird. You are human.


There are some great self-help books and cds/dvds around these days (esp. books). So go to the bookstore or Amazon - and browse or go to a library and get books out on subjects like 'how to be happy' (yes, such books do exist) 'motivation', 'self esteem' 'self-confidence' and 'self love' 'goal setting'. Don't give up too quickly if you don't find something helpful. There are some great books out there now (compared with say 10 years ago) but there are some poor ones too. So persist until you find something.


Antony Robbins cds are very good. If money is an issue you might be able to get them from a library (we have some at our little local library) or cheaper on ebay. My favourite self help writer is Gael Lindenfield. Her books on self confidence are brilliant. And she's now written lots of books. She is UK based so if you're outside UK you might have to get them through Amazon UK. She takes a skills-based approach to what you might think are just 'feelings' which is great.


I think when it comes to motivation trouble, confusion, unhappiness and there is a lack of self love, self worth, self esteem and or confidence involved, then tacking the self love and self esteem/confidence is the root issue - (although you might have to deal with practical things at the same time if there are practical needs to be addressed.) This is because you need to love and value yourself to consider it worthy of knowing yourself (knowing and loving yourself might sort of go together and feed off each other??) , and you have to know yourself to know what you want and know what makes you happy and what really motivates you.


In the mean time, part of loving yourself is being good to yourself. So every day generously treat yourself - do some things you love doing. Write a list of treats (a varied list) and refer to it at least a couple of times a day for a while).


Good luck!

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Exercise is what helps cure depression.


It sounds like you've become anemic. Do you find yourself sleeping alot more than you should? 10-12 hours? or even sleeping too little. Either way, it's extremely important that you increase your iron intake and exercise whether you want to or not, just force yourself to do it the first few times. You will notice a change in your mood and sleeping habits. You also need sunlight, get out as much as you can.


A simple change in your diet followed by a exersize routine will lift your mood tremendously.

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