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Should i trust her...


Morihei

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Would like some feedback on this situation please...

 

Me and my current SO have been in a relationship for 6 months now, we are exclusive. We get on very well, occasional arguments but thats perfectly normal. Have a good sexual relationship etc.

 

Now she has recently decided to invite her boss down to her house to spend three nights with her. She is in college and he's on holiday this week. I know for a fact that the way she has described him to me, that they are not "just friends". Although she assures me that they are. They flirt a bit at work, have got frustrated with eachother before and didnt talk for 2 weeks. He makes fun of her etc, so clearly there is something a bit more going on. Her boss is 40 years old, was previously an alcoholic and my girlfriend is 20. Bit odd if you ask me, i do question his motives a bit, but my gf can be very niave at times. When she told me he was staying, i could sense some hesitation in her voice and said they'd be going on a walk for 3 days. And was avoiding saying something i rekon.

 

I discussed it with her and she said that she spoke with her boss and he understood and said he'd find a hotel to stay the night instead of hers as he didnt want to cause trouble between us.

 

We have had trust issues in the past, where she was discussing underwear with another guy. I said this was unacceptable but didnt have enough evidence to prove she was messing around etc. So i got over it.

 

So here we go, i don't totally trust my girlfriend (for good reasons) and she is spending prolonged time with her boss. Should i be concerned or trust that they are jst friends and leave it at that?

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You should definitely be concerned.

 

I had 40 year old guys coming on to me when I was 20, and there is no way I would have had one of them stay at my place unless I wanted something to happen. It seems pretty clear that this 40 year old is interested in your girl.

 

It really is not appropriate for her to have any other guy staying with her alone at her place for 3 days while she is in an exclusive relationship with you. There is no way this is innocent. If your girlfriend has not intentions, then she is incredibly naive. I know it's possible to be that dense because it happens a lot with young 20 year old women. Most of us wind up learning the hard way that a lot of guys, including 40 year olds, aren't just out to be friends.

 

However, it seems to me your girlfriend has boundary problems. Just because her boss stays in a hotel, does not mean that things won'e happen.

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wowww, this has trouble written all over it. First off, he's her boss, which means he must make a decent amount of money, which means he can easily afford a hotel or at least a nice motel to stay so why stay at a 20 year old female employee's house? Boss try to be good about keeping boundaries with female employees so they don't get slapped with sexual harassment charges, so what is he doing? Looks pretty simple, he's after your girl. Don't question his motives "a bit", flat out question them!

 

And no offense, but your girl sounds as naive as hell. Not only is she lacking common sense by letting a man stay at her place for 3 days but she also lacks basic office protocol of not getting too intimate with opposite sex superiors. I hope you're prepared and patient. I've met naive girls like her in relationships before and well, its very very dramatic and they require almost constant attention.

 

I think you either need to talk to seriously and let her know this is not ok or rethink your relationship.

 

Seriously... letting her 40 year old male boss who she is not romantically involved in (supposedly) stay at her place? Nooooo, that's a big nooooo.

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I have let her know this isn't okay. had a serious discussion with her, said its made me feel uncomfortable and its not appropriate behaviour. She said that she does these things and doesnt think much of it. She didnt let him stay over, and they spent 3 days together basically.

 

She realises it is wrong but doesnt quite understand how unacceptable this is. Assuming nothing happened which i dout. So i'm popping round hers this friday and going to end it, ive lost pretty much all respect for her. And its better for me

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