minou Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 How are you doing? Hope you're still feeling strong. Hang in there. Link to comment
getbiii Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 hey!, feeling really down today... its been exactly a week that i haven't heard from her, its strange as if she dissapeard! she hasn't logged on, nor has she gone on her FB or myspace! who knows her parents probably took away her computer or it might be part of her therapy... i might just be paranoid after all one week is not a lot. i really wish i knew of her =\ Link to comment
getbiii Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 should i try to contact her? Link to comment
minou Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 She might be inpatient. You don't tend to be able to communicate by cell phone or computer there. Maybe she got readmitted? Maybe her parents are being really tough on her about staying away from you and keeping these things away from her? Do you know any of her close friends? Would you be able to pass a message about how much you care about her through one of them? Link to comment
getbiii Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 well she really doesn't have friends... only her nieghbor but he always hated me he is the one who got her to brake up with me and go out with that other guy... i don't know what to think ... on monday when her parents work im gonna try to get one of my friends to call her or go to her house... i already left her an e-mail incase she ever does go on, im also guessing her parents are trying to keep her away from me Link to comment
minou Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 Who knows? They may be screening her emails... Yeah, I'd have someone check in on her, as long as it's not someone who will cause her trouble by being there. By the way, I know you played your cards carefully to show her she still has feelings for you... some of us were pretty blown away by your cool... but if she tends to be unstable, probably better to be straightforward with her from now on, okay? Uncertainty can be anxiety arousing in the midst of deep feelings... I'm not saying the breakdown is your fault, but just from here on in, since she may be a bit fragile, play your cards on the table. That's my recommendation. If they're really trying to keep you away from her, the patience required on both your parts will be a real test of the strength of your love. Consider it an experience that can bring you lots of strength for the future. That's how I deal with the pain I have at times about my situation when it comes up. I've always been a nice person, if I can say so myself, but pain has a way of softening the edges where needed and adding edge where needed. Best wishes getbii. Signing out for the night. Link to comment
getbiii Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 yeah i know, its not even about getting back with her anymore or being her boyfriend. i really don't care about that, that much anymore... i would be her friend if i had to, all i want is to know she is ok and hear from her. i would never mess with her feelings again. Link to comment
getbiii Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 so she replied to an e-mail, she said she misses me too but that shes doing better now, she asked me how i was Link to comment
MakestheBest Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 Smile. well that has too be a load of stress off. Minou's post above was more than spot on. I'd say if you ever have any doubts as to how things are playing out go back and read it to keep you on track. Link to comment
getbiii Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 im talking to her right now on IM i asked her what she has been up too =S she said she has tried suicide a couple of times again and fighting with her parents a lot Link to comment
getbiii Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 OMG =( i feel like %$%#$%#$ =( she says she still loves me and thats whats causing all of this... she says shes trying to forget me so she can feel better =( Link to comment
getbiii Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 she said she was trying not to miss me, and left because she didnt want to miss me again, she said because she loves me shes like that, and that she was starting to think less about me, i told her erasing me from her life wasn't a good way because curiosiy would get to her and she said she knows, WHAT NOW? she still loves me! why does she not want to be with me? she left saying i love you, sorry i have to leave bye Link to comment
getbiii Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 ok so i let things cool down, when i posted that i was in the heat of the moment. so this is what happened, i had sent her an e-mail with a funny video atached -i wrote on the e-mail saying remember this? i haven't heard from you kinda worried, i miss you wish i would hear from you, im here for you, -she replied saying that she misses me too but that shes doing better. she asked me how i was and what i have been up too, and said i love you -i replied back saying my head hurts i think i might get sick but im ok thats good, im glad to hear that your ok, i love you too what have you been up to? she replied saying -well im not that well, and i take a lot of medication and honestly i think it does me worse but i haven't done much, just fight with my parents, get in debt, try to kill myself like 4 or 5 times more. and well you know, im still here in the same spot and everything is the same. what have you been up tp? well then i replied saying a lot of stuff that i was here for her that she will get thru this blah blah blah... thats when she logged on to her IM it was obvious she only logged on to talk to me, i tried making small talk and just talked about what ever, she was kinda quite. then i told her i didn't really have much to talk about and asked her what was new? thats when she said that she better leave because she didn't want to miss me again, sorry, i told her "please stay i wanna help you" she said that then its going to happen again and that she doesn't want to kill her self, i told her then don't do it! she said well, i do want to, but i get stressed out (i thought she was talking about killing herself but now i think she meant about staying) then i started telling her all theese corny things, that i wanted to be her shoulder to cry on and that i wasn't only her lover but her best friend and that she needed that friend right now. etc etc etc then thats when she said "but its because i love you that this happens to me and i wasn't thinking much about you and less missing you, all of this was because of what i feel for you and i can't talk to you" i kinda begged her to stay more, she said it was hurting her, i told her "fine i understand and i love you too and im going to do it because i wanna see you better. i just wish we could be friends but if you wanna forget me then trying to erase me isn't the best way, because curiosity is going to get you" she said "i know, and thats whats killing me. i love you goodbye" i don't know what to think... i mean its obvious she was still thinking about me or else she wouldn't have logged on. she said on the e-mails that she misses me then said when we were talking that she didnt miss me. i know she might be in depression but she can be really dramatic too, and if she has tried killing herself again then what do i have to do with that? after all we hadn't talked in a week... i frist took this really bad like she didnt want anything to do with me and that im the cause of all of this, but i now see it a little different, i don't think it means that she doesn't want to be with me but i think she is trying to find a way to heal. i don't think that trying to forget me will solve her problems. i think she is still with that other guy too, if she really wants to heal she will have to be alone! that other guy doesn't even worry me, i know that he might just still be around as a crutch and then when she gets better she will dump him, after all she admitted herself that they were not compatible and he wasnt her type. i feel that this is like when i started this post, that she just wanted atention and wanted to know i was there, i don't know thou i don't wanna pull out my deck and play my cards again because im afraid that i'll hurt her, i only have two options and both options have the same path... A)i move on with my life. or B)i fight for her. both of them end up being the same thing! but if i move on with my life when she does come looking back for me i won't be here anymore. if i decide to stay here and fight because i still love her (which i do) there is nothing i can do but wait and improve myself, and both involve no contact with her unless she starts it which i truly know in my heart she is not over me and she will be back, after all, how can she be over me when a week ago she realized she still loved me and wanted to be back with me, and wanted to dump the other guy? Link to comment
minou Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 She certainly sounds terribly unstable right now. You mentioned some abuse in her home. It may be related to that more than to you and you are the cover story. It can be hard for people to talk about or admit the actual traumas that are shaking their sanity. Chances are there is a hot and cold, kind sometimes, then abusive situation going on now or in her earlier childhood, and it's possible your recent interaction triggered deep feelings related to that home situation. They call that a reenactment, when something that is happening reminds you of the original trauma. Right now she just needs really good treatment. I hope she gets that. You let her know you are totally there for her. For now, that's all you can do. She can't handle the pressure for the moment. You'll have to sit back on this one. Suicide attempts are really serious, of course as you know, and for now, I think it's best you give her some space. You might want to send her a note in a week or so, just to let her know you are still thinking of her and hope she is doing better. This way she knows your feelings don't just disappear. She can make her choices later as she gets better. It is not a good idea to make decisions in the midst of emotional instability. In fact, if you want to, let her know you are completely supportive of her emotionally, even from a distance, understand her need for space while she is going through this, will still be there if she needs to reach out (if you mean that). Many people may tell you to let her go because she is unstable, but that all really depends on you, how much you love her, how patient you are willing to be. Know that people do often revise decisions made in the midst of instability. Also know her emotions are super intense right now and she may swing from one extreme to another. This has nothing to do with you, but with the disorder she is struggling with. Good luck. Link to comment
getbiii Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 thank you very much =) you have a beautiful mind! you always say things just right! like a cherry on an ice cream! i mean you didn't even give me any hope but i feel better =)! yes she has had a horrible past. she has shared it with me... honestly what she has lived compared to me is like a bug bite in a tornado, but it might have been that last drop to fill the cup. i guess like you say all i can do is sit back while she gets better, and as others have said if we are to reconcile in a future, this will strenghten our relathionship. ! i told her today many times that i was here for her and how much i wanted to help, etc she said herself that she understands that i want to help. p.s. im open for any more opinions and thoughs =) Link to comment
minou Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 I'm sure it will be a comfort to her at times, to know you are there for her emotionally. Sounds like you were very supportive in a non-demanding way the last phone call. Good for you. Thanks for your compliment. I hope my husband remembers my "beautiful mind" (he used to say that too) and misses it too much to stay away in the future. You sound like a really unique guy with great qualities. The woman who ends up with you will be very lucky. You also sound like loads of fun, btw. I'm sure lot of people on here are fond of you from a distance. Know that no matter what she's going through, she does love you. When someone is emotionally unstable, feelings that are too intense can be difficult for the brain to process. This may change with the stabilizing effect of medication. Sounds like her parents came down on her hard about keeping away from you and that could have stressed her more than she could handle...Also remember it does take meds 3-4 weeks, sometimes a bit longer, to do their stabilizing job. Good luck and keep us posted. Let's keep our fingers crossed for each other, okay? Link to comment
getbiii Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 yeah i know it may take a while, i just hope her meds are the right ones and work, it will be her birthday in a month and i really wish i could be there for her by that time, at least as a friend... as for time itself, it doesn't concern me at all, after all i do have a life time to wait. =) i wish you the best of luck too! and honestly as a man, i may not be the age of your husband but your "beautiful mind" is a great quality, and a rare one too. it will be one of the things he misses most about you trust me. Link to comment
getbiii Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 p.s. thats what i miss most about my ex =\ her brain! thats why i know Link to comment
minou Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 Thanks Getbiii, for your sweetness. I am sure she will not forget this either. Even if you played a bit of a game with her while she was seeing someone else (with the best of intentions in mind), she knows how very sweet you are. Link to comment
MakestheBest Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 Hey babes. I'm sorry I've been MIA lately. I've been traveling. I'm back home now. This comment that your ex made disturbs me "well im not that well, and i take a lot of medication and honestly i think it does me worse but i haven't done much, just fight with my parents, get in debt, try to kill myself like 4 or 5 times more. and well you know, im still here in the same spot and everything is the same. what have you been up tp?" Taking a step back just to evaluate your relationship. Both of you seem to be in a tailspin in your relationship. Is this a common occurrence? I'm not about to criticize either your or your ex ( as you know I find your predicament very movie romantic-lol). But i have not been able to understand for some time exactly the source of your anxiety and also her families reactions to you etc. It's not normal for a person to fall into this kind of depression over another lover when things were going well. I was confused as to the dynamic. But she's identifying your relationship as the source of her pain and so are her parents, and all of this when it seemed to be going well. Also, she told you she attempted suicide 4 or 5 times. No one attempts suicide that many times and fails. This is clearly a cry for empathy( this is serious in itself). I feel like both of you look at your role in your relationship as her champion- and she is the weaker victim. But there seems to be a level of unhealthy attachment that underlines these deep intense feelings that you have for one another. I'm beginning to see your relationship as codependent. Do you think that is possible? This observation isn't going to help your current situation. Its just something for you to pass the time with and think on it-hopefully for the betterment of your relationship later on if it happens i'm right. You said she came from a really messed up childhood. You manipulated her behavior and feelings and right now she is doing the same thing to you. I'm not sure if she's doing it consciously or not, but i'm quite sure she doesnt want to die. Here is a link on codependent relationships. Let me know if any of this info rings a bell: link removed link removed Link to comment
getbiii Posted March 29, 2010 Author Share Posted March 29, 2010 noo i read the article and i dont believe im codependant, maybe at some point i was but i've broken free from that. my anxiety first was a broken heart, she dumped me and i think its normal to feel bad when someone you still love dumps you and a week later you find out she is with someone else, now my anxiety was just her health.... i had an ex girlfriend that did commit suicide so i wouldn't like to expierence that a second time (no i had nothing to do with it! it was a year after we broke up, we were good friends and she had a boyfriend) as for her... i think she might be codependant, especialy now if she is in depression she would probably most needy now. thats also what i don't get! i mean obviously we broke up and it wasn't pretty but it was nothing at all, let me explain the break up! it was our anniversary we were going to go to the movies... we were eating at a fast food place and i was very stressed out because i had been training since 7 am to 3 pm that day, so i guess i wasn't on my best mood. they had these cube shaped glases in the dinner and she went to pick up the food, i saw her thru the glass and i laughed because it warped her, i kept staring at her and she asked me what was wrong and i told her she looked fat, (biggest mistake ever) she started crying real bad and loud and i tried explaining that it was the glass i even told her to look thru it... but it didn't help i really hurt her. she had had some weight issues in her past, her dad caused her bulimia. so it was really stupid of me to have said that, a week passed and she was acting different i could sense the break up but i ignored it! the weekend came and she called it off... as for what she said, i feel it is just drama... she had always used drama to get my atention, i guess she is codependant. i remember when i was on vacations, i left to mexico for a month. i would talk to her over IM and she would get anxious and tell me that she couldn't spend another day without me and that if i wasn't coming back she would dump me (obviously she wouldnt she just said it to get me back). Link to comment
getbiii Posted March 29, 2010 Author Share Posted March 29, 2010 yeah thinking about it! she is co-depandant, that explains why she hasn't dumped that guy even thou she has no feelings for him and knows he isn't her type. it would also explain why and how her peers were able to pressure her into dating him i honestly don't think im the cause of her depression, although i might have something to do with it, when we broke up and she left me for that guy, she was really so happy with him for a couple of weeks, she would ignore me and not want to talk to me ever, i guess he was just something new and the honeymoon wore off and reality struck her, i watched a video about rebound relationships and the video talks about the rebounder having the stress of two relationships and causing emotional problems and having to take meds Link to comment
getbiii Posted March 29, 2010 Author Share Posted March 29, 2010 wow this really scares me =\ i mean even if i am codependant! im alone right now and i have time to fix it, but im thinking her codependancy might push her away from me? i mean she will become needy of other people and what will become of me ? =\ tisk tisk.... Link to comment
MakestheBest Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 Lol. Getbii, you are a lovable basketcase! I think that's why I like you. If you both are codependent then what that means is you are addicted to the turmoil in your relationship. Her to the drama and neediness. You are to saving her and making her "happy". That is not an easy bond to break. But it's also not healthy..IF that is whats going on. Link to comment
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