Jump to content

easyguy

Recommended Posts

So, in light of the quick-reclaiming of my happily single self, I signed up for an online dating site, OkCupid just to see what would happen (I'm not shy, so that is not the reason). But even after sending and receiving messages to a couple of women, it just feels too detached for me. I mean, it's cool that you can see what the person looks like and a get a glimpse of them through their background information, but what seemed useful now seem uninteresting.

 

Has this been the experience for some? I would personally rather get all 3 things at once - see what they look like, find out some things about that person, and be in a face-to-face environment. You know exactly what you're walking into if you just meet someone in person rather than online first. And besides, sometimes it's best to find out in person first. I mean, if I knew all the things back then that I know about my ex know, I probably wouldn't have dated her, but certainly do not regret doing so... if that makes sense. It's the whole idea of discovery and wonder, finding out what someone is like while being engaged in each other in the real world.

 

Anyway, I'm not sure if I even want to keep my profile up anymore. I would just rather put myself out there in the face-to-face context, get introduced by friends, et cetera. There's just a very different vibe when it's in person.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've recently been involved in a handful of sites. link removed and link removed to name a couple. I pretty much go along with what you have experienced. I did receive a few messages back but they were pretty generic and nothing really felt like it would progress to even meeting them. Some swear by this stuff but to me I'd say it's a waste of your time.

 

link removed was the one site where I had a whole lot of responses compared to the other ones, because it's a free site maybe, not sure... But, yeah, just talking and no dates. I think the girls just want to gauge the interest they can get.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was never on a dating site to look for a partner, I only signed up to see if my bf, now ex was there. Mind you I hid my profile and never posted pictures. The time it took me to find him, out of curiosity I checked some profiles of women and men, just to see what the whole dating site hype is.

 

I never corresponded with anyone, but the profiles I saw, seemed too fake, like everyone was trying to auction themselves there and hoping to find the best buyer.

People would put up 4-5-6 pictures and that's fine if you like that sort of a thing and kind of shows you what the person looks like from different angles, but lets be real everyone chooses "the best of the best" pictures to put up. There is probably a small fraction of people who just put normal random pictures.

 

I'm of the opinion "never say never", but at this point I think I'm not dating site material. My trust in people is zero to none at this point and I feel that majority of people on those free dating sites, either just got out or relationships, want to make their ex jealous, want someone just like that ( which is fine) or are looking for a rebound.

 

I actually had a coffee recently with a friend and a girl he is now with, they met on plentyoffish, but the stories they both told me, some were really out there. She said majority of the people she encountered were guys either looking for a rebound, are full of BS, or got out of relationship and want to get the ex jealous or any other number of reasons. She said she met a guy there, set a date and when they got to the coffee place he couldn't stop talking about his ex. Another guy picked out a place where he ad his ex would go, in hope that she would pop in and see him with another girl and come back to him. He pretty much said the same thing. Some girls were so weird, they would end up calling him daily after a first date.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are decent men/women who truly are looking for love, but it's not called a "dating" site for nothing.

 

I'd rather meet a person the old fashion face to face way, over the whole I am this and this, please if you see what you like come and test me out BS.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Okay so I just deleted my account on the site. That lasted all of 36 hours. A lot of seemed so superficial. Out of all of the profiles I read, most of them liked the same things and had the same vibe. I just don't think that's how it would go down in face-to-face meetings (meeting people in real life).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

complete waste of time. Alot of people defend online dating, stating they've been talking to their SO for years and still going, yet they've only spent about three weeks of actual face time together. This is what people call a successful relationship? it's good to have people to talk to online, especially from other countries, but to develope emotions for that person is a smoke screen to what the reality of the situation is. You can't be with the person when you need them there most, you share no intimacy, theres no face time to develope that proper chemistry. It's simply convenience, but far from a relationship.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It works for some people, but it's not for everyone

 

I met my SO online, but loads of people will go months without meeting anyone interesting. It depends how many people have joined in your area for a start, and even then you still have to actually stumble accross that one person you really click with!

 

It does take some time, and a lot of sites list their members according to 'last time logged in' so you often have to have some patience and give it a couple of weeks at least to get a broad spectrum of who's available, but if you're already disillusioned with it then perhaps it's not for you after all.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have to disagree.

 

I am not trying to defend online dating. I understand where you are coming from. It is desperate and puts a weird spin on starting a relationship. But it's not all bad... If you have time to find a needle in a hay stack..

 

My sister met her husband on an online dating site. They also have a baby girl.

 

I met my boyfriend online 6 months ago. We spend a lot of time together, are going to Vegas this weekend, hang out with each others friends regularly... Just like a regular relationship. So it does work.

 

Also, to mention. I am an attractive, outgoing successful woman, and so is my boyfriend.

 

If you have time or the social connections to meet people in the real world... That would probably be the bette choice. But online dating just seems to be more convenient for some people.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In my opinion online dating is pretty worthless. The guy to girl ratio is about 10/1 (literally) so you are already at complete disadvantage if you are a man. Second, a lot of people on online dating sites are just their to boost their egos and get attention and really have no intention of meeting or talking with anyone. Third, it is very hard to convey who you are through a 1000 character 'About Me' section and a few pictures so I would not expect to make any deep connections with anyone. I know a lot of people who have met their partner online and some even got married but personally it is not for me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I put up profiles at OkCupid, Plentyoffish, Yahoo Personals, and another (I think it was called DateHookup). On them I stressed what I was looking for (guys without kids who lived by me ). Most of the guys didn't fit what I was looking for. I ended up deleting all the profiles because most either seemed to want sex, were just there as a joke, or were married. I'm really not that serious about dating now anyway because there is a guy I want (long time friend who may never deal with his emotional problems), and I can't get serious due to personal issues.

 

Years ago I had a paid subscription and not much luck then either. One of the problems I've run into with online is the disappointment. For everyone who marries someone off the sites, there's many more who never find anyone or they meet and find the online chemistry isn't there in real life.

 

If the guy I likes never comes around to getting serious and I decide I want to get serious, I'm going to ask people I know. It's not worth it anymore. Years ago, I knew many people with success rates. Now, it's either con artists, married people, or those who want sex.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

one question: why are you pushing yourself into dating so soon after your break-up?

does dating, in any kind of form, on- OR off-line, sound appealing to you at this point?

 

I'm sorry this might seem out of subject but my heart just jumped out of nowhere when I saw your name Ellie as one of the latest pots on this thread I was like oh my god what the hell is she doing here!! why she here she is going out with someone else lol my bad

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do peoples standards go up when they are on those dating sites?

 

Do people think the odds are stacked in the women or mens favour when on the online dating in terms of receiving interest from the other sex. Everyones thoughts?

 

My standards are pretty simple and accross the board: no children, prefer never married Catholic men. These are the types I date in real life as well. I also tend to prefer intellectual men (luckily at 40 many of these guys are still single). I have other standards I could bend if I meet the right guy. However, it seems like the bottom of the barrel guys (I know this is terrible to call them) are the most unrealistic. I've seen guys who by any standard would be considered homely and obese, all request slim, attractive women with good jobs. I've seen guys with lots of kids (as many as 7 or 8 kids), request women without, I've seen guys who were 40something think they can get hot 20 year olds etc. I even had one guy on a dating site tell me that 40 year old guys won't want me because they can do better (this guy was homely as sin, obese, and had 6 kids). I've had guys tell me they wouldn't be interested in me because "I am going through menopause". A lie by the way, and yes I am still able to get pregnant. I don't know if more women are pickier, but judging by these guys, probably not. I just wonder if these guys are the same way when they meet women offline or just think online they can be choosy? This is yet another reason I quit dating online.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

while I've met a few male friends on there, some of which I met some of which I haven't...I haven't found anyone I'm interested in romantically. Also I'm preoccupied with other things right now so in hindsight I'm thinking the timing was off to make a profile. Then again I did meet a few guys who are cool so it wasn't all crappy for me hehe..

 

I'll probably be deleting my profile soon and just keeping in touch with them through email, facebook or phone.

 

I've experienced the detached thing, those convos usually fizzle out anyway. Yea..pretty much what everyone else was saying, works for some, doesn't work for others. For me I guess its 50/50..made friends, but no boyfriends.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe you are dating too young (40-ish)? I am 44 and tend to date early 50's...granted, I don't have a bf, so my luck has not been great, but I do tend to fare better with the early 50's crowd. IMO, men in their early 40's are going to be interested in younger women, for the most part (from what I have seen).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe you are dating too young (40-ish)? I am 44 and tend to date early 50's...granted, I don't have a bf, so my luck has not been great, but I do tend to fare better with the early 50's crowd. IMO, men in their early 40's are going to be interested in younger women, for the most part (from what I have seen).

 

50's is too old for me. By then most either have kids (kids are a no no even if they are grown) or don't want any. I don't need a dad. I can't imagine a 20something wanting most of these guys who want them, because I wouldn't want these guys (obese, ugly, no job, etc).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

50's is too old for me. By then most either have kids (kids are a no no even if they are grown) or don't want any. I don't need a dad. I can't imagine a 20something wanting most of these guys who want them, because I wouldn't want these guys (obese, ugly, no job, etc).

 

Oh, okay...but just for the record, I've met some very attractive 50 ish guys. But I don't see that as old and I don't care if they have kids (I forgot that you are not interested in someone with kids).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, okay...but just for the record, I've met some very attractive 50 ish guys. But I don't see that as old and I don't care if they have kids (I forgot that you are not interested in someone with kids).

 

While there may be a few decent looking 50 year old who never had kids and want them, I think thats fewer than the 40's who still want kids. I've dated guys 10 years older and it's not something I really want to do again.

 

I guess my complaint is that these guys requesting ridiculous things are no prizes themselves. I've seen average at best 40 year old guys (ones that no one would look at in real life) requesting hot 20 something women. I'm sure I'd have better luck finding what I want than they will.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I guess my complaint is that these guys requesting ridiculous things are no prizes themselves.

 

That looks like a defense mechanism to me. Good-looking guys can leave themselves open to anyone since they know they're nice, attractive people and don't have much to worry about in terms of getting a date. The fat, old guys I think put up a wall of 'you're not good enough' because it preempts you saying to them 'you're fat and old!'. And then anything you do say to them is disabled of any meaning because they've already stated that you're beneath them, so whatever you say in return can't touch them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Id like the thoughts from all the girls/guys. Why is it... (scold me if you disagree I can take it haha), but you wear provocative clothing, looking gorgeous and cute in the summer time. Yet if an old guy looks at you and thinks wow and they are ugly etc they are thought of as sleezy and get the death stare. Yet... if its a young cute guy or just a cute guy in general see thats fine. Double standards????

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...