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What do you say when the ex that broke your heart asks how you are?


tripped

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It's been about a month and a half since my girlfriend not only broke up with me. I moved back to my hometown (about 8 hours away) and aside from her apologizing during the first week we were apart, we have barely talked.

 

Well she just randomly sent me a text that says "Hey, hope it isnt weird that I'm texting you, just wanted to see how you are doing?"

 

What should I even say? I'm finally starting to get over her (I thought she was "the one," and up until two weeks before breaking things off, she told me the same thing), and it is really just kinda annoying. What is the best way to handle these situations?

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Depends on what you want.

 

If you have no intention of giving her another chance, do nothing. Ignore all attempts at contact from her. Or tell her to f-off, which will ensure that she gets the message and she feels completely alienated.

 

If you want to open the door, tell her "really good. Hope you are, too".

 

The only way to win someone back, if that's what you want, is to show them that you're moving on. That doesn't mean you HAVE to go no contact. In fact, if you want to win them back, you have to make contact sometime - you can't have a relationship with someone you don't talk with. Don't make her feel guilty, bring up "us", or anything like that. If she wants to apologize, be gracious. If she says she wants to work things out, take it slow.

 

On the other hand, there's the philosophy, if you don't trust yourself to maintain control, to go NC because by doing nothing you risk nothing - but I think that goes for not initiating contact more than anything, if you can control your emotions and not drag her down. You've got to keep it light.

 

I remember one guy on the Getting Back Together forum who had been friend-zoned by his former girlfriend. He still loved her, but never said anything, got his heart ripped out time after time. He comforted her when she got dumped by her rebound guy. They hung out, went to movies, talked on the phone...and one day she told him that she wanted him back. If he'd gone NC and stayed that way, it never would have happened.

 

You have to do what's right for you.

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Well she just randomly sent me a text that says "Hey, hope it isnt weird that I'm texting you, just wanted to see how you are doing?"

 

this has happened to me countless times. it is a brazen, bald-faced lie. she does not 'just want to see how you are doing'. she's being a coward.

 

i would either say nothing, or if it's true - say something to the effect of 'i'm actually doing alright thanks, i've started dating again and things are looking up'. much better if you actually have started dating again - a man should always be honest. don't stoop to her level of cowardice, and do NOT take her question at face value.

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Yeah, I mean, to me it just seems like she is trying to make herself feel better. I did text her back, but all I said was "I'm good, you?" and she said nothing.

 

Why even bother texting me if you aren't even going to reply?

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Yeah, I mean, to me it just seems like she is trying to make herself feel better. I did text her back, but all I said was "I'm good, you?" and she said nothing.

 

Why even bother texting me if you aren't even going to reply?

 

Sorry, I just saw this.

 

I've had it happen many times they just want their fix of you..My ex called me a few days ago (after several days of us not talking) telling me that he misses me. I told him that the only way we could be together was if he was 110% into putting effort with us. He hung up after that. What a joke.

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Yeah, I mean, to me it just seems like she is trying to make herself feel better. I did text her back, but all I said was "I'm good, you?" and she said nothing.

 

Why even bother texting me if you aren't even going to reply?

 

Give her a minute! She might be thinking about what she should say - like you did. Be patient. Relax.

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My ex broke up with me on Wednesday last week. I dont understand why, and I don't think I ever will. But she still loves me, she still cares about me and she was not cruel in any way about it. I finally managed to not talk to her at all on Saturday.

 

About halfway through Sunday she texted me. She asked me how I was doing. I started to get upset, realizing now I have to start all over, and so I was sub-conciously putting her on a guilt trip. After realizing that I felt bad, so I called her. I didn't apologize but we got everything out that we needed to say. She told me it isn't as easy for her as I think it is. She said she misses me more than ever and she is still in love with me so much, but she still doesn't want to be in a relationship. She was crying the whole time and kept saying she was sorry. She told me she texted me because she wanted to show me she still cared.

 

As hard as it was for me to say this, I told her that I think we just shouldn't talk for a bit. Which is probably for the best. I mean how can you get over someone you still talk to?

 

She wasn't cruel about anything at all. She was caring and understanding. I really do want to stay her friend but right now that's not possible.

 

Ontop of this all, I've been sick. I've not been able to eat and sleeping is restless.

 

I know your situation is different, but you really don't want to text them back. If you text them back and they don't answer, what happens? You get upset. If you text them back and they DO answer, what happens? You start thinking; which is never good.

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OP...after my ex ignoring me for a week, i sent a nice email that let him go

 

i was doin alright healing and moving on, and then he text me with a long winded "how are you doing?" type text

 

i replied "im good thanks" he replies "good"

 

then nothing. i text him few days later saying i was confused, he said he was sorry for confusing me, and more texts ensued...only for him to say he found a new job abroad most of the time and it left little time for a relationship (this was after i was laying my feelings on the line)

 

it was clearly jus a ploy to get his ego stroked looking back

 

i sent him his belongings back and he used this to text me again...i stopped it and said i was going NC (in order for him not to contact me)

 

best thing i done...now his lil push & pull games wont work and its been 15 days and im finally starting to heal and see him for what he is

 

if he texts (when he sees im for real) guess what...tough - i wont respond

 

their contact is all about them, they wanna see how bad we are faring in the break up, and they dont want us to move on or they want the last bit of control and power

 

let us all not give it to them...contact sucks it really does when they dont want back

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Well she textd me back this morning saying "Sorry I missed your text, I fell asleep. I'm doing alright. Been better, been worse. How is your job going?" And then put a smiley face at the end. Really? A smiley face?

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Well she textd me back this morning saying "Sorry I missed your text, I fell asleep. I'm doing alright. Been better, been worse. How is your job going?" And then put a smiley face at the end. Really? A smiley face?

 

yeah dont be fooled by them faces....class them as rabid masks!! lol

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