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Well I never usually open up about deep problems, but today I truly realized I have some pretty bad issues. I'm in the military and in the past month 4 soldiers committed suicide in my state. So today I had to take a briefing on suicide prevention. The thought of suicide has never entered my mind but the briefing did make clear to me that I am brutally depressed. When I was younger I was socially awkward and still am when I am not around my friends. I've abused substances since I was 14 and I am now 21 and binge drink every weekend. I've had a close friend die in the past few years and I saw his death turn into a social event for the town/highschool. I've been in a extremely dysfunctional and violent relationship for 3 years of my life but I've moved on from her. I literally saw this girl slash her wrists in front of me and say "this is all your fault." I fell in love again and I'm not over it. I also cheated on that girl when I was drunk, that wasn't the reason for the breakup because she never found out. I think I've cheated on almost every girlfriend that I've ever had. I've seen very dark . From women getting abused to guys shooting up and smoking crack. I've seen my best friends dad turn from a proud normal guy, to crack addict, to basically a brain dead shell of a man. I just found out tonight my friend plays with the idea of killing himself frequently. I had a long discussion with him today about why he should try to make his life better and get passed this and when he said "whats the point of this rat race of life" I really couldn't answer. I'm gaining weight. I have more money than I ever have had, a brand new car, basically a bunch of nice . I'm no happier than when I was broke and poppin ecstasy every night. I just have tooooooo much ing stress and I'm surrounded by negative . My family is good though. I'm a full time student and work full time. I have my first deployment to Afghanistan coming up in the next year. I know I should seek help but I don't have the time for appointments and all that BS. Eh, it, its good to vent anyways.

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Im sorry your feeling low,

 

Thanks for serving our country!!!!

 

Living a stressful life always catches up to you, dealing with your past is causing strain on your feelings, emotionally, physcially and probably financially, esp if your drinking every weekend which is not a cheap thing to do on military pay.

 

Can you take some leave and try and refresh yourself. You need to get your head in shape before you deploy. You said your family is good, can you reach out to them? Let them know how your feeling?

 

Stop drinking, drinking or drugs cause depression, brings you down. Talk to your commanding officer if you cant do this alone, they will help you find some counseling. You will not get in trouble for asking for help. You WILL get in trouble if your found drinking and driving. You know that I wont preach.

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