Jump to content

Thank you!


WickedSunrise

Recommended Posts

Thank you for all the support and advice you all have given me on my issue. I really have listened to it all and have been taking it all in, I just have been taking in other things in as well. Many of the things that you have said have been very helpful, and even if it might not seem like it to some of you, they are influencing my thoughts and decisions. Ultimately, yes, it will be my own - but it's been a great help and I've heard a lot of good ideas and perspectives.

 

I printed out my entire thread and saved a copy to my computer. I made two versions: one that is entire, and one that is just the advice from you all. I’m actually starting to get really overwhelmed right now with everything. I have a lot of information. I made myself a folder of everything you guys have said, as well as everything he has sent to me, and what a friend I was talking to sent me. I printed out some of my favorite pieces of advice and things to remember, and put them on my bulletin board. And now the folder is going away, and I'm going to take a break... I'm going to take a break from asking questions, from listening, from seeking advice, analyzing and thinking, everything! I have a lot of midterms this week. And I'm going to tell him that I don't want to talk for now.

 

Once all my exams are over, I'm going to pull out this folder and read it ALL over again. Everything, and see what I think then. Right now, I simply feel like I can't think anymore. I feel okay, just drained and done. I think I need to somehow attempt to drop this in order to get through this week of exams - I haven't studied all weekend. I think it would also be a good idea to drop it so that I can step back and re-evaluate. Good plan?

 

I will be back very very soon! (I'll probably actually still be here while I'm procrastinating between assignments...just not to deal with my own issues). I have two exams and a paper between now and Thursday. I will keep you all updated on the situation for sure. The quality of advice has been invaluable and your support has been amazing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 82
  • Created
  • Last Reply

I think this is an excellent decision. It's honestly too much to process all at once, regardless of what else is going on in your life, but with school and exams, you need to take care of yourself. And that means not letting this ruin your school work and get in the way or your life.

 

It will probably be hard to just spend a week away from "the situation" and thinking about it, so good luck! And good luck with that school work!

 

And please do keep us updated. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels very invested in this story now that we've followed you on your path.

 

Big hugs honey! We're always here!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Great idea WS. It's always good to just take some time out from thinking about that one issue. I'm doing the same thing now.

It will be hard and your mind will stray but just continue with studying and it will take your mind of things. As soon as you start to wonder, just remind yourself what is most important NOW. That is YOU and passing your exams.

 

good luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

WS,

 

I think you are such a bright young lady and I see nothing but a great future ahead for you. You are doing so well despite these not-so-pleasant circumstances.

 

Good for you to put this aside and focus on your studies. Good luck to you with your exams and any future decisions you make.

 

I know you will do well!!

 

Good Luck and Be Strong!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you've got the right idea OP - best of luck.

 

I do have to say that I am disappointed that you've deleted your threads however, as I'm sure someone else might have got something out of the excellent advice posted within them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your strength at your age is inspirational.

 

You have proven your strength during this time and have handled it with nothing but class. Im jealous. Im older then you and dont think I could have handled that situation any better myself

 

Right now, the only important person in this equation is you. So if you feel that a break is best from it all, ENJOY! You might find the answers you are looking for when you arent looking for them.

 

Keep us posted.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I actually sent him the pdf of all the advice you guys gave me. The distilled version without everything I said, just all the comments, one after another, that you all said about him, me, and the whole situation. I told him about my plan for this week, and that I wanted him to read this in the meantime. He replied with this:

 

I want to write a response to what I have read. Not an excuse, not to provide my side of the story, but I want to response to this. I am going to write a response and with your permission I would like you to post it. Maybe it will be useful for us, maybe it will help other people on here. I want to write a response. I am glad you sent this to me, although I have been saying bad things about myself no one else had said anything bad about me yet and I really did need that. I am going to write a response right now.

 

I'm going off to work now. No idea what he wants to say, but I'll post what he sends me. But I am trying to take a break. And I have short paper due at midnight, so I'll probably just post it when I come home from work and leave again to get that taken care of.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

why are all the threads being deleted?

 

I don't know. I usually do that. I don't like all my stuff floating around on the internet. I printed it all out though!

 

It's easier said than done taking my mind off everything... I said I was going to put my folder I made away, but I've taken it out a few times today. And I think this 'paper' I'm writing is probably the worst thing I've ever written.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Update: Schoolwork has been going okay. I'm done with everything except for an exam tomorrow. As I said, on Sunday, I sent him a condensed list of all the things you guys were saying about him; I thought it was a good idea... and turns out I think it was. He responded to it with a 10 page response... Here are some things he said before he sent it to me:

 

i will say I am glad you sent me their responses, not only did i really need someone to criticize me harshly other than for me to do it myself, i think they raised some really important points I hadn't thought of and convinced me to delve into them

 

i found it helpful to write this in a way as if i am responding to the forum, but you do not need to post anything i wrote. i wrote this for you and for myself and you can do what you want with it

 

I think the best way for me to share his response is to upload the file elsewhere and give the link. Pasting it in here would be TOO big! A few notes though. He made up a different acronym for me, but to keep things consistent with ENA I did a 'replace all' to change it to WS. So if MS Word put a random 'WS' where it doesn't belong, sorry and ignore that. Also don't pick apart word choice - he told me that he just starting writing and didn't want to go back to 'edit' it in case that effected anything.

 

Also, I'm not really looking for advice anymore, though I'm happy to hear what you have to say. I think now it's just going to come down to how I feel after more time passes. How I feel when I see him again (I don't know when, but I'm not rushing anything). I am leaning towards giving this another chance, but I'm not going to let myself rush into this decision. We're still long distance and he's not going anywhere (and if he does, there's my answer). I'm mainly sharing this to give you guys an update on the story because I know when I'm following something I like to know what happens!

 

Here is the link to his response. It's a PDF download that will expire on 3/15/2010. link removed

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow - that was quite the read and I have to say.....if I were in your shoes, I would not go back for the plain and simple fact that does not regret what he did.

 

I understand his logic and his thinking. We all feel trapped and wonder "What if". We all at some point question our self esteem within a long term relationship but he is acting as though because he had the this thought, he was entitled to act on it. He does not regret doing this. How horrific. His honesty is great - really, you couldnt ask for anything better. But really, I did it because I want to? I dont have regrets because I had these thoughts for so long?

 

I wont give you any advice....my post was just some food for thought, how I was feeling after reading that note. To be honest, I was disgusted. Cheating is a selfish act in itself however, that rebuttal was even more selfish.

 

I wish you the best of luck in your decision, healing or reconciliation. I know how hard this situation can be.

 

Stay strong!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I read it, and while I think it's good that he's poured out his feelings, I have to say: I would not go back to that man.

 

Why?

- He does not regret it

- He does not express any shame or guilt or regret for what he has put you through (extreme betrayal)

- He feels RELIEVED that he has gotten rid of his baggage, because now YOU have the baggage, the lies to get over, and he is fine and dandy

- He does not see how that e-mail completely betrayed you - he even thinks he was telling the truth that he did not love you and that you were an ex. He can try to slice it every which way: you were NOT an ex and he was telling you that he DID love you.

 

Basically, I see heart-felt feelings, but from someone who is still very much in a selfish perspective, and looking at the relationship from his point of view only. I remember having done a few things that really hurt my ex, and how I felt afterwards was that I would give anything to go back in time and behave differently, knowing how much pain I had caused him.

 

I don't think your boyfriend is mature or selfless or compassionate enough for you to be in a happy relationship with him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I totally agree with this. I didn't want to get too "negative nancy" in my response, but Sophie has it spot on. iBroken did too.

 

It boggles me that he doesn't regret what he did. When I cheated, that's all I felt. It didn't matter the reason why I did it. I just pictured my husband's devestation over and over again, something that I caused.

 

I will regret it every day of my life because I hurt the person I loved most in the world.

 

If you go back to him, this will overshadow your relationship, not only because of his selfishness and disregard for your feelings, but also for the fact that had he the chance to go back and change it, he wouldn't.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

the tune of the betrayed almost always changes once the betrayer has had a chance to convince them that 'it'll never happen again' and they're 'so sorry'. i know how it goes - from this relationship is over and done to "well, he/she said such and so, they're really sorry, regretful, etc. ,etc. - then they let them back in. there's not much point in trying to talk anyone out of taking that person back at this point. life is a series of lessons. you learn from others mistakes or you learn by experience/the hard way. i was there once. and i fell for it. it works out for some people but many times it does not work out. good luck whatever you decide WS.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It was very interesting to see the persepective of someone who has cheated and see the thought processes before, during, and after the event.

 

I will keep this short and sweet. I would not go back simply because he is not ready to completely deal with the responsibilites that come with a 100% committed relationship. I think he will be ready once he has more life experience.

 

I think some time as a single person would not only be best for WS, but for the ex as well.

 

I wish WS good luck no matter what her decision is....and hopefully it will be the right one.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

WS.... thank you so much for sharing your update. I know you aren't looking for advice so I will just share some thoughts with you, but ultimately.... the choice to reconcile rests slowly in the hands of you and him. Because neither of you should forget - a relationship takes TWO people... 2 sets of wants, 2 sets of needs and 2 sets of feelings.

 

I truly believe that your ex is telling you what he feels... there is no doubt about that. But what he feels is more than just alarming to me.

 

As ibroken wrote... everyone often wonders if the grass is greener on the other side. It doesn't matter who you are... single people want to be in a relationship, those in a relationship want to experience single life... it's a never ending battle... but people make choices based on personal need and also, if you love someone enough... based on others needs and feelings too.

 

It's alarming to know he does not regret his actions.... his sleeping with another woman. If my ex had told me that, it would haunt me for the rest of my life with him.... and that would be too much for myself to bare.

 

I'm in a situation where my ex had betrayed me with his ex. He claims he's never been physical or intimate with her... and I'm taking those words with a grain of salt. But the one thing he has told me... and the only reason I am even still speaking with him... is that he told me he does regret it... and his actions at this time are showing to me that perhaps he does regret it... Is it enough for us to reconcile... I really don't know. But I do know that if he didn't regret what he did, if was truly not remorseful... for knowing his actions were so poor that if he could have a time machine and undo them - then I wouldn't ever have enough heart to forgive and believe in him again.

 

This is just my personal opinion.... from my own perspective in being betrayed by the person you love more than anyone else.

 

I wish you the best in your journey.... and I really hope in the end, the decision you make is the one that makes you happiest.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...