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TOO much ....TOO late


Lovingme09

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OK please read carefully. I always been on this site, but been trying to avoid the whole, judging process. But I do need some feedback. I have been getting plenty from my friends but I need more. Here is the story...

 

I have been dating this wonderful guy for two months. When I say wonderful, I mean the type to send you flowers...just because. He is so nice, and his beliefs along with my values and among other important things are coherent. The only "downside" is that physically, he is not considered the ultimate eye candy. Personally, I could care less. Because to me he is everything including the eye candy, that is important to me.

Everything was great, he treated me good. Never argued and I can genuinely tell that he wanted to take things to the next level. That level of course being the whole relationship status. Now I can’t lie, the sensation of my status changing from "single" to in a relationship scared me, but with him I was OK. BUT...he was already in a relationship. NOOOO not a real relationship but he was already a part of an organization that was bigger than him and myself. So big, that it was like he was dating the organization. This organization was something new to him, and it took a lot of his time. And because we are in college, like most organizations, it was all about girls, sex, and parties.

Understood. Heck, I knew that from the beginning. But the thing was that I was not too sure if he was ready to take some of him from that life and give it to me. He would play with the relationship thing saying things like, "I really want to be with you, and will you be my girlfriend?"

He often asked me that, but it was more or less in a playful way, until that one night...when i knew he was serious. But because I was an over analysis like others, I said yes with a smirk. Suggesting that I didn’t believe him. He got upset and embarrassed but I later explained why I felt that he was not too serious and I do want to be with him but when he is completely sure.

 

After that, everything continued to be great, and then that is when things changed.

During a super bowl party, I discovered that he lied to me when he said he didn’t "talk" to anyone on campus. As he was drunk and unattached, I spotted him all over this one girl suggesting they were beyond friends. So bold me, when up to him and the girl and asked just that. She replied confused, yes we do talk.

 

I was totally upset and he explained how sorry he was that I found out that way. He told me that he realized just then that he was having waaay too much fun and this is the first time in a while he is single and actually enjoyed college. He even said that he doesn’t want to stop talking and should just list our status as, "complicated" and doesn’t want to stop talking completely. In addition, the members of his organization were saying things like, "yall too young to be serious and you need to have fun."

 

The next day, my friend, messaged the "girl" and asked her if they talked!

Of course he thought I put her up to it, she being my friend, and I was trying to start drama. He was totally mad, and even threatened to stop talking to me completely! I’m thinking, you would throw all of this away for her?! (This girl being someone he just started talking to and they had sex at the party!) her words not mines.

So I told him that if he thought I was too much then I’ll leave him alone!

I did just that. And a week later, I received a "drunken" call from him saying how he was really mad and now he is no longer. After that I took it upon myself to patch things up. So I showed up at his room, and where he told me that it was a mistake that he called and he didn’t want to talk. One week later I showed up again, but he told me I could come over. Still tried to talk to him but he carelessly blew me off and told me that he doesn’t care about me and I need to stop pressing him and give him time to miss me. I left the next morning and texted him asking, "Why are we still fighting?" and he said that he wasn’t fighting anymore, he already told me that he just wanted to be friends.

Confused and sadden, I took it and ever since then we haven’t even bumped into each other. From what I heard, the girl and he are still "talking" and I’m still hopefully wishing. I am still friends with all of his organization brothers and his friends. They are super nice to me and always invite me to parties. But when it comes down to me and him exclusively, he won’t even look my way. And the sad thing is that it’s only been a week and a day since we last talk and I’m already over thinking!

 

I know I should have been backed off and give him his space, but it was so hard because I hate being shut off without explanation. Still that no excuse. I want to fix it so bad, but I don’t know what to do. And I don’t know if I already did too much that it’s too late. We live near each other so I’m hoping we can reconcile over the summer.

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This wonderful guy who sent you flowers 'just because' also lied, cheated, blew you off and won't even look you in the eye! This says far more about him than gifts, expensive meals etc yak and blah.

 

Hun, don't even contemplate trying to fix this one. Just look upon the fact that he's ignoring you as a lucky escape, and get yourself out of this situation. Sometimes we can be so forgiving and nonjudgmental about other people that we neglect to notice that they have no respect for our values or feelings. Please don't give him another chance to trample all over you again!

 

 

(((HUGS)))

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This wonderful guy who sent you flowers 'just because' also lied, cheated, blew you off and won't even look you in the eye! This says far more about him than gifts, expensive meals etc yak and blah.

 

Hun, don't even contemplate trying to fix this one. Just look upon the fact that he's ignoring you as a lucky escape, and get yourself out of this situation. Sometimes we can be so forgiving and nonjudgmental about other people that we neglect to notice that they have no respect for our values or feelings. Please don't give him another chance to trample all over you again!

 

 

(((HUGS)))

 

I just had about the same thing happen to me last week with with my guy. I think it's a terrible coping mechanism. Yes, I would go with what nutbrownhare has said and try not to even fix it. If he wants to make it that complicated, so be it. We shouldn't be there for them to fix it. They need to be willing to fix it themselves.

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