Feel awkward around certain people...

[erina]

There are times when I can be around certain people and I can feel sort of awkward around them.

 

1.) My friend's sister. She seems nice, has good style and is married with a child. For some reason, I feel awkward around her. Whenever I read about people who are awkward around certain people, it is usually because they are attracted to them. But although I think she is pretty and has great style, I never felt attracted to her in that sort of way. I even tried to think of her in a romantic way and it did not do anything for me. I don't know why. I am not sure if she thinks I am weird or something. I just can't relate to her for some reason, have nothing to talk about with her when I see her at a party or something.

 

2.) An aquaintence of mine Lisa. We would sometimes hang out with groups of mutual friends. She is very confident, sociable, seems to have things "together" in her life and pretty. One night I had a kind of sexual dream about her. After that, I felt somewhat weird about her since I did not know what it meant. I never felt attracted to her before and I don't fancy her while awake. Sometimes I wonder if she thinks I am strange but I don't know if that is just from my own head.

 

3.) If a woman has large partially exposed breasts. I will look, not really oogling. I will then feel weird, like do most other women also look? As a kid, I also remember looking at men's crotches and thinking that I should not be looking at that.

 

4.) This guy I went out with that I used to feel attracted to yet he did not seem interested in me. He would act kind of distant around me even on a date and would cross his arms around me a lot. When I felt that he was uncomfortable around me, I then felt uncomfortable around him. Even though I was at one time attracted to him, my awkwardness around him was not really due to my attraction for him but instead more due to the fact that he seemed uncomfortable around me in a way. It was somewhat difficult to think of things to say to each other.

 

I don't know what to make of this. It does not feel like attraction or arousal yet anytime I read about people feeling awkward around certain people, it usually is about attraction. Does anyone else feel awkward around certain people and it is not attraction? I wondered if maybe I am attracted to these people but don't know it but it does not seem like I am.

 

I would greatly appreciate some responses. Thanks!!

[JimNobodyPhd]

Awkwardness is normal. Most honest people tend to be alittle awkward. Awkwardness can be attraction but doesn't always/have to mean attraction.

[Wager]

I agree with Jim. Awkwardness can certainly be normal, and possibly even worse if you feel inherently guileless or unguarded - or even simply unprepared, say in the case of suddenly having a large pair of breasts presented unexpectedly. Also, I would make a case for this not necessarily being misplaced attraction in that, one, sexual dreams are frequently not at all to do with anything remotely sexual, but rather, a need or call for comfort and caring and two, children are not developmentally capable of harboring genuinely sexual thoughts - so your glances and guilt were likely a mix of curiosity and some source of nebulous fear that such inquisitiveness is not welcome or warranted.

 

Be gentle with yourself. You're just figuring this out, like any number of people - including those of us who do it whilst feeling a bit awkward! Best of luck.