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Friend is finally making his move


ca-sunshine

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I've known him for almost four years. I know he's had some feelings for me for quite a while. I certainly enjoy his company, but haven't thought about him more than that, and until now it's never gotten to the point where feelings have had to be addressed.

 

He's been giving out stronger romantic signals in the past weeks: a lot more physical contact, finding a reason to call or text me almost every day, paying for things when we're out, lots of other little actions and words. I just don't know if I have similar feelings for him, and I'd feel terrible if we started something and I decided I absolutely didn't feel for him the same way. It's not an immediate 'no', but there is a definite hesitation. I've learned from past dating experiences to trust my instinct when it comes to feeling like it might not be right. But I'm really struggling with whether the hesitation is from a lack of interest and attraction, or because I've only known him as a friend for so long, and haven't wondered about him in a romantic sense until now. My brain just doesn't seem to want to find a way to let him out of the friendzone.

 

I *have* been entertaining the idea of being with him, but it seems like more of a curiosity than a true romantic interest. Because of this, I'm not sure I should even give it a try, that I shouldn't open up that can of worms.

 

I keep going back and forth between "yes - give it a shot!" and "no - trust your gut!". I would really appreciate any and all advice about how to go from friendship to a relationship, or why I should avoid that transition. Experiences one way or the other, things I should consider, what I should talk about with him, if I should listen to my instinct, etc.

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Why not just go on a couple of dates and then decide whether or not you're feeling it? You might think you know him well, but you might learn/see some new sides to him when he's got his potential bf hat on, so to speak. If it's not working for you, you can just tell him after that and no harm, no foul. At least then you have no regrets and that curiosity will either result in something positive or die once you've given it a shot.

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He has acted and felt quite a bit more "boyfriend-ish" lately, and it hasn't been bad, just different. A lot of the activities we've already been doing together could be classified as "dates". They've really taken a turn toward feeling romantic recently, and I'm pretty sure he's going to try to kiss me very soon. It's not that I don't want to kiss him, it's just that for some reason it feels like a big step. I think I'll have to take it though - that's where most of my nervousness is.

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You're not attracted to him. Don't give him false hope. Attraction is either there or it isn't. Accepting that he pays for stuff is just making a travesty of your friendship. He's obviously one of those guys who's too nice to trigger chemistry. Test if he's a doormat or not. If he is, I'm sure even if you had a little bit of attraction, it would dissipate.

 

You've known him for 4 years, that's plenty of time to know whether you want someone romantically and sexually or not. If you really wanted him, you would've probably already torn his clothes off at one point.

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