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My ex is crazy about me... but we're just friends


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And I'm actaully OK with it. I've realized something with him and its that so many people play so many games with eachother, and these games are the bulk of what makes us hurt. So i just wanted to say, that if you actually have an ex who is honest, mature, and a caring person, you CAN be friends with them. I know this is so rare though..

 

Yesterday I needed to get a couch and some stuff for my new place but had no car, so basically i called him up and he agreed to come. he had just hurt himself pretty bad at work and was taking some time off. He didnt have to come pick me up, drive an hour, and help me move a couch upstairs with a sore back, but he did his best, even made me a sandwich. He needed some money to hold him off till his next check, and i gave him more than he asked for, and i thought, hey! this is what friends are SUPPOSED to be like... there for eachother! I had this aha moment because I have NEVER had an ex say lets be friends and not start playing all these games, making me be friendly and then ignoring me, then when I ignore them they want in again. He stays in touch and i realize by going NC its playing a game. You just need to realize what type of person youve got on your hands.

 

Each time I've needed something (since the break and before) hes there and I want to do the same. Its so rare to find someone these days who ginuenly cares about you, and if people could stop tugging eachother around so much, it would make things a hell of alot easier. Hes said hes crazy about me, and he loves me very much, but I dont NEED anything more (and neither does he), because I now have the peace of mind to feel our reasons for splitting were valid. Thinking the other person we invested so much in doesnt CARE, is what kills us. I know I am very lucky to have such a mature ex, but I just want to put it out there that its possible.

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sounds like youre mature too

 

i know my ex would be a friend and text and keep in touch etc etc but we were LDR to start with, and then he took a job that took more time up

 

i decided that i couldnt do being friends although i certainly dont hate him and we ended pretty 'good' if you like. i jus cant do demotion from lover to friend with my feelings....hence why i went NC. But i doubt i will contact him again, and i dont think he will contact me

 

sounds like your situation is an exception to the majority rule, and proves that every situation is diff

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My gut reaction here is that since he's "crazy" about you, he's hoping in doing these things that you'll get back together. Be careful with him, it sounds like you're using him more than anything (likely not intentionally), possibly because you haven't considered that it might hurt him by your "leading him on" in this way. I would wait to continue with a friendship until both people have well moved on, although I don't know much else about the dynamics of your relationship with him so I'm simply going by this post.

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My gut reaction here is that since he's "crazy" about you, he's hoping in doing these things that you'll get back together. Be careful with him, it sounds like you're using him more than anything (likely not intentionally), possibly because you haven't considered that it might hurt him by your "leading him on" in this way. I would wait to continue with a friendship until both people have well moved on, although I don't know much else about the dynamics of your relationship with him so I'm simply going by this post.

 

Well like I said, honesty is a very important factor, including with yourself. and that was said in the context of "were obviously both love eachother and are crazy about eachother but are just not ready for a relationship as serious as we were. He even said that if he meets another girl and falls in love in the future, he would have to say im just an old friend he never dated. I dont see our friendship being too solid when were in other relationships, but I just took that statement as him NOT trying to get me back and that he really does want to be friends.

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Well like I said, honesty is a very important factor, including with yourself. and that was said in the context of "were obviously both love eachother and are crazy about eachother but are just not ready for a relationship as serious as we were. He even said that if he meets another girl and falls in love in the future, he would have to say im just an old friend he never dated. I dont see our friendship being too solid when were in other relationships, but I just took that statement as him NOT trying to get me back and that he really does want to be friends.

 

That doesn't sound very honest to me! Saying you're an old friend he never dated...when you were more....!!?

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After reading one of your last few threads, you went from wanting to get back together, to "NC", to now being best of friends, all in a matter of 2 weeks?

 

I did want to get back together but sometimes you dont want to get together for the best reasons, mostly you just miss someone being so close to you. Then I wanted to go NC so I wouldnt get emotionally abused like last time, but fortunately hes not being a jerk. And its been over 1 month total.

Even though it was more mutual than most breakups, I was still crying like a baby for a week straight when I was trying not to contact him, i was hurt like anyone on here that it didnt work out with someone I loved..

 

Im just happy and wanted to share, sorry for any confusion

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in my opinion ... its nice to be friends, why not. But To me he sounds like he cares for you ALOT and still hangs on hope... And what you are doing to me sounds a little selfish.. Unless you SPECIFY to him that you are not looking to be serious with him, and you just want to be a friend. . . My ex has tried to tell me to be friends, But I care for her still, and I just simply cant see her as a friend at the moment. After some time has passed and both parties have moved on, I dont see anything wrong with being friends. But thats just my opinion..

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Who was the dumper?

 

It was mutual, sort of. after we moved into a small apt we started fighting lots and sometimes over really stupid miscommunications. We had been on the verge of "quitting" a few times. I didnt think it was tooo awful, it made sense to me why we were fighting since we were in such close quarters so much of the time. Anyway after one final fight we just decided we couldnt live together but he was acting like he had really had it with me... saying things like "i cant live like this, weve gotta get away before we hate eachother" made me sad He did NOT seem interested in having anything to do with me then.

 

Silverrenesis,

hes mentioned plenty of times that its just not the right time for us, were not ready for something so serious, it was meant to turn out this way...etc (ive never brought up anything about our past after we broke up).. unless hes just trying to get a reaction?? Hes been texting me more and more lately

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Do you see yourself with him? Do you have hopes of being back together? If he is texting you more and more lately then maybe he is trying to get closer to you. Im going through the same thing with "being friends", and I honestly dont want too at the moment because my intentions are to move on, and I still care.. But the longer i stay around her and her world, the harder it will be for me to move on. But I only know so much about you and your situation, maybe you guys will be a rare case where right after a brake up you guys are best of friends... That to me spells only one thing.. You guys were really not into each other much...

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I used to believe that you can be friends with an ex, but I don't agree that it is possible There will always be the undertone of feelings from at least one side. You can't just go and hang out with your ex and feel the same as someone you were never intimate with.

 

I still talk to my first love. We broke up 7 years ago (we were together for 3 years). We see each other about once or twice a year, and we talk on the phone maybe once every few months. We have managed to call each other "friends" for a long time now. But he always slips in comments about how i hold a place in his heart forever, i am the only one he would have married, etc. and then claims them to be jokes.

 

Anyhow the point being...I am now going through a new break up. I happened to see my first love the day after I found out that my ex had cheated. My first love went on with his usual love comments, and etc. However, this time seven years later he kissed me. He took advantage of my vulnerability. He lives with his girlfriend of 4 1/2 years. This made me feel even more upset because not only was I just cheated on, but I now felt that I had inadvertently contributed to cheating in another relationship.

 

Anyhow to cut to the point. My first love now thinks we need to hang out more often. You can't just be friends with an ex, because there will always be some sort of feeling there.

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Do you see yourself with him? Do you have hopes of being back together? If he is texting you more and more lately then maybe he is trying to get closer to you. Im going through the same thing with "being friends", and I honestly dont want too at the moment because my intentions are to move on, and I still care.. But the longer i stay around her and her world, the harder it will be for me to move on. But I only know so much about you and your situation, maybe you guys will be a rare case where right after a brake up you guys are best of friends... That to me spells only one thing.. You guys were really not into each other much...

 

I do care alot about him... and i know he not only cares but is really attracted to me. And yes i have thought alot about getting back together but when I pictured it, it was never right here right now. I had never lived anywhere but my moms house or with him, and now I have my apartment.. I have to say, it feels pretty good. My job is going well and I actually have money. im helping him with some bills now in a strange turn of events!

 

Im pretty happy now and the way I see it theres no point in getting back together with someone immediately because i feel it would not be the most secure relationship. We have to work on ourselves, or nothing will have changed!

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I think as long as there is some clear air, ex's can be friends. I don't think a few weeks is anywhere near long enough to revert to being just friends. It is clear by what you have written that neither of you has closed the door to a relationship with each other in the future, so even though you are 'friends' i suspect that subconsciously, it's a way for each of you to stay close to each other so that you can act on it when you are both ready.

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It was mutual, sort of. after we moved into a small apt we started fighting lots and sometimes over really stupid miscommunications. We had been on the verge of "quitting" a few times. I didnt think it was tooo awful, it made sense to me why we were fighting since we were in such close quarters so much of the time. Anyway after one final fight we just decided we couldnt live together but he was acting like he had really had it with me... saying things like "i cant live like this, weve gotta get away before we hate eachother" made me sad He did NOT seem interested in having anything to do with me then.

 

 

Maybe it was a grass is greener situation. He maybe realises that things he couldn't live with before are now more tolerable to him.

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I don't think it will help in any way but i just needed to vent I suppose.... I am having one of those doubtfull day where i feel torn by my own emotions

 

She left so I should just accept the fact but I am terribly sad about it today

 

no reason in particular for it to be like that I just feel very depressed and have that feeling of "why go on, what is the point?"

 

I know reality won't change i jut wish that because I know it .... it would be enough for me not to feel this way

 

Some days it is so hard!!!

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