Jump to content

Need help - cant get over someone


stacc20

Recommended Posts

I will make this as short as possible:

 

I met a guy around thanksgiving- he lived in accross the country but would soon be moving two hours away from me. We talk almost everyday and we have been back and forth to see each other about three times. However, he wont refer to me as anything other than a friend. When I confronted him about the "label" of the relationship, he said he did not want to jump in to anything. Basically he wanted to be friends first before thinking about getting into a relationship. The problem is- we have a physical/intimate relationship. I am having a hard time being friends with someone that I'm having sex with.

 

I really want to date him and be in a relationship with him - but I don't want to be naive either. On one hand I feel like he may want to date me once we establish a friendship foundation first. But on the other hand I feel like I'm being used.

 

I don't want to just write him off and quit talking to him -- but I am becoming unhealthily obsessed with him. I cant quit checking my phone and all of my thoughts are becoming consumed with him. and we aren't even together!!?? I need some advice on what to do about all of this.

Any advice would help and be much appreciated.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes if you're having sex and he's labeling you as just a friend then in a way you are being used but it's your own fault because you're engaging in it. On the other hand, it's not like you're not benefiting from the enjoyment of sex with him so I wouldn't even really call it being used. In theory, your best chances of getting a relationship out of this guy is to cut him off from any sex and treat him like a friend until the two of you decide mutually to take it further. If you continue to have sex with him while the two of you are friends his respect for you, in terms of long term potential, will soon deteriorate and he'll look at you only as a friend with benefits. Gain his respect by not engaging in any sexual activity with him and distract yourself from obsessing over him by keeping busy and spending time with friends. You've gotten into an obsessive habit and now it's time to break it, and it can be done. Stay busy and stay positive.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

look on this situation objectively. it sounds like you want a boyfriend. but this guy isn't willing to be your boyfriend. no matter how great he is, he is not wanting to be your boyfriend. which is really the bottom line. you know what you need - you want a guy who will give you more emotionally, call you his gf, etc... fill in the blanks.

 

that's what it's taken for me to try to get over guys who i really click with. yes, they're great in a lot of ways, but they're not so great if they're using you for sex and not wanting you to be their gf. blah.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

CaptainNapalm:

 

Thank you SO much. uncomfynumb, I agree that is stellar advice! And I think that's exactly what I am going to do. I like how you said the obsessive behavior CAN be broken...makes me feel somewhat empowered. Thanks everyone for the feedback - its the slap in the face I really needed!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...