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I saw my ex yesterday evening at the grocery store. He did not see me...

 

The funny thing is that yesterday would have been our one year anniversay and exactly six weeks since our breakup.

 

Anyway, I was surprised by my physical reaction; rapid heart beat and shaking hands. And it set me back a pace. I actually cried a little and I am not sure why. I've only cried once since we have broken up but it wasn't a good cry; minimal tears.

 

Here is my problem and I am fine now but yesterday, I felt like the stars must have aligned for us to be in the same place at the same time, that God put us there. And on that day! I'm silly and sentimental I guess.

 

I know now that was foolish thinking on my part. And just so you know, this is where foolish thinking leads. I did the unthinkable... I first tried to call him and couldn't remember his number and then I emailed him. I am upset at myself because just yesterday I posted somewhere that I would never, ever break NC.

 

I emailed him from my Iphone as I was stuck on a two lane road not even a quarter of a mile from his road and his house, for over an hour. Just sitting in the car like that with the heat on and starring at lights from the police, the ambulance, the fire department and all the rows and rows of white lights behind me from the cars backed up. It was surreal. Ray LaMontague, David Gray, and Norah Jones and Van Morrison didn't help me either...

 

I sent the email to his work email so he probably won't read it til monday unless he sees it on his phone.

 

Ok, I'm ready for my spanking now. Bad, girl, bad, bad girl...

 

 

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What did you put in the email?

Your not a bad girl.. We have all done it at some point.. I would have done the same.. except I probably would have went up to him when I saw him at the store...

 

Hello chickypoo...

 

What did I put in the email? I saw you at the (name of the store.) I was heading to the checkout when I saw you or the back of you anyway. I am sitting on (name of road) stuck and have been here for at least 30 minutes, there has been an accident. I actually tried to call you and dialed about five numbers before I gave up.

 

Just wanted to say that as I thought it was funny that we were both there at the same time today what would have been our one year anniversary.

 

Sent from my iPhone.

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aw that isn't bad!!! much better than my, "What can I do to get you back I miss you so much and love you" texts.

 

I believe everything happens for a reason- Even though it frustrates the heck out of me not knowing what the reason is..

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Yeah I wouldn't worry about it..it's a little sentimental but no harm done..it just lets him know you valued the relationship. As Jenmar says, it would be different if you professed your undying love for him! Weird how the dates work out though..hmm

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Weird how the dates work out though..hmm

 

I know. I have a thing about numbers, especially the number 6 because that was the day I was born.

 

I posted this on another thread:

 

My ex and I got together officially on 3/6/09 ( 3 + 6 = 9 and what do you get when you turn a 9 upside down?) 6

 

We broke up for the first time on 10/6/09.

 

Yesterday was exactly 16 days since last contact.

 

Ok, I am a fruit cake!

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Awesome taste in music!

 

The message was good: light-hearted and fun. Don't worry

 

Thanks! Throw some Jason Mraz and some Ryan Adams in with that mix.

 

I'm mad at myself more than anything. I am probably the most vocal here about strict NC and look what I go and do.

 

I feel like a hypocrite, that is how I feel. But I'm still not going to let this breakup kick my ass!

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Hey don't be too hard on yourself, i was doing brill with the no contact its been a month since i split with my ex.....then everything just went mad last thursday, there were 26 texts in the space on 6 hours, 5 attempts to see e and mixed messages from me...i.e. i miis you, hug me...go away, leave me alone...you have a girlfriend..etc etc.....i had another weak moment on saturday..but i got saved on that one....i've just started my no contact again.

 

the the thing is he'll probably contact you now and depending on how your feeling your either going to remain strong or cave in like i did last thursday. i say stay strong, if you want your ipod back send a friend to get it off him.

 

i almost went back to mine and i know i would have regretted it, i don't want to go through the hurt pain and misery again.

 

stay strong flower

 

ann

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I thought your email was nice... like light hearted, a little funny and down to earth. Like not too emotional or something. It'll be interesting to know how he replies.

 

He won't reply. For one, he doesn't do emails and has already told me not to expect a reply if I choose to communicate in this medium. And for two, there is nothing to reply to. Lastly, I told him that I didn't want to be friends after we broke up although I might have said that we could in time, if I was with someone else...

 

He is the kind of person that will respect my wishes and will only reach out if I give him the go ahead. I should also consider that after having time to think, that he might have decided that he doesn't want to be friends with me any way. I can understand that. I got quite angry at him after the break up and said and wrote some hurtful things. Though I later apologized and he said that he didn't think that I meant them, I'm thinking that he is thinking that the best thing for both of us is that we move on. And the logical part of my brain agrees with him.

 

I think he cares enough not to want hurt me. And if any part of him thinks that reaching out will hurt me or set me back, he will not reply.

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Besides being a little disappointed in myself, I'm feeling quite good. However the day is young...

 

I think knowing what I know, and even knowing him and how he thinks, there might will be some disappointment if I don't hear from him tomorrow.

 

I think a lot of dumpees hope that their ex will want them back, whether the dumpee actually wants them back or not.

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I think a lot of dumpees hope that their ex will want them back, whether the dumpee actually wants them back or not.

 

 

Yep -- I know how that is. My ex too is quite rational and thinks with the brain instead of emotions and feelings. My situation was kind of like GIGS. I was her first love, relationship - everything. We were together two and a half years and she ended it saying she likes someone else. Then she later said she is confused and doesnt know what she wants and is sorry she's so young. We ended on pretty good terms because if she was my first I'd also be second guessing everything. It still really sucks for me though. Hoping I'll get her back one day. We've been on NC for about 5 weeks.

 

So yea.. I guess I mean sometimes I wonder how she's able not to talk to me anymore but then I know that she is someone who can push through hard times even if it is hurting her. I think if I told her to never contact me again then she wouldn't, because of respecting my wishes.

 

Sucks that there's nothing we can do in these situations.

 

But I don't mean to hi-jack, just mean that I know where you're coming from.

 

You never know though... I doubt he does not want to be your friend anymore. I don't know your whole situation but it just doesn't make sense that he would start to harbor resentment toward you, since he is the one who left. Everyone knows that we say a lot of things we don't mean in the heat of a breakup so I'm sure he isn't thinking about those things anymore.

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No worries about hijacking here.

 

So yea.. I guess I mean sometimes I wonder how she's able not to talk to me anymore but then I know that she is someone who can push through hard times even if it is hurting her. I think if I told her to never contact me again then she wouldn't, because of respecting my wishes.

 

Sometimes when an ex doesn't contact us, we think they are cruel but the reality is, and if they are logical they know this, that keeping in contact with us is not the best thing for us.

 

It's like being cruel to be kind...

 

What is worse is a dumper that keeps in contact and doesn't give thought to how that contact might hurt the dumpee, give them false hope, keep them attached, and prevent them from moving on.

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hey uncomfy... even the strongest of us have broken NC at some point, its how you deal with it after that counts...jus get back up and carry on!

 

your ex/situ sounds bit llike mine, wont do the friends thing, mabes in time when ive moved on with NC. if i say im going NC he will respect that and not reach. Last split he did, but wont this time...i guess like your ex he figures this is for the best too. but yeah, id be lying if i said i didnt harbour the tiniest bit of hope that in a cpl of weeks he'd see im not piss arsing around here, panic and have a last ditch attempt lol

 

there are some weird syncrhonicities regarding numerology!! ...and the universe certainly has a dry sense of humor for you two to be in same place on your anniversary...bleh

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Thanks guys for reading and listening and being supportive. I don't know why seeing him affected me so. I guess I'm not as over it as I thought I was.

 

And yes, I'm disappointed that he has not responded at all even though I'm sure it is for the best.

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