Jump to content

should i ask more questions?


ellie1202

Recommended Posts

my boyfriend and i have been together for about a year and a half. we have plans to move in together in june and signs of a proposal have been around (as well as hints, he aksed my family, big hint).

 

yesterday he asked me to check a text message on his phone. i read that one but then couldn't resist looking at the one below it, i try not to be nosy but i had the phone in my hand and i knew what i was doing was wrong but i looked anyway. it was from a girl it said i can't wait to get my hands on you, the one above it said i luv u.

 

i confronted him and he said it's nothing, they're just friends and the i can't wait to get my hands on you was in reference to her being upset wit him forgetting to do something she asked him to do at work (they work at the same place).

 

should i keep asking questions? i feel like my trust has been broken even though he says it's nothing and i can't get it out of my head that something is going on. prior to this i would NEVER had expected this, things seemed perfect and i don't know what to do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He's a coward. He asked you to look at his phone so you would see that. IMHO.

 

What does your GUT tell you?

 

Quite often men panic as they start to think about deeper commitment (women too, tbh)

 

I can't read that text as anything other than a sexual reference, Sweetie - what do you think?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Errrr...That sounds pretty bad actually and yes, you should definitely keep asking questions. "I can't wait to get my hands on you" is not something you say to anyone of the opposite sex unless you are flirting and/or have had your hands on said person before! And it definitely is also not co-worker-appropriate. I'd be as shocked as you. And hurt and confused and a whole assortment of emotions.

 

But, it is a giant red flag and you should be cautious.

 

One time, my extremely faithful ex-boyfriend asked me to check an email for an address and I saw that THAT DAY he had emailed his ex. (We had been together for 3 years at this point, you'd think the ex would fall away, but no, that day he had emailed her to say hi, how are you doing, hope things at work are going well for you, doubt I'll have time to grab lunch this week but maybe next, etc. I had NO IDEA that they EVER "grabbed lunch" together. It was a total secret.) I saw it and let it fester in my soul for months. Finally it burst out and the fight was one to remember....

 

Needless to say, we eventually broke up. Not really over that. But, I mean, why oh why would this girl say that to your boyfriend?!?!?!

 

And the one above it said "i luv you." ????

 

Yeah, keep askin' questions. Be civil, be sly, be smart, and be cautious right now until you get to the bottom of this.

 

Good luck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks for the support and advice. i'm definitely going to keep on the lookout for anything odd and keep asking questions. right now i'm just focusing on doing these things in a calm manner.

 

i don't think he's contacted her since then. obviously it's only been two days. we'll see what happens in the time to come.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

we talked more and the text message actually aside 'wait until i get my hands on you' (he let me read again), there was no i can't in the beginning and he showed me the one before asking about something at work. so i feel like i read just enough to get freaked out but not enough to get the whole story. i'm still upset about the i luv u and i told him so. they've worked together and been friends for about 8 years (and she's married, not that that matters obviously). so the i luv u was as a friend and it had something after it about i'm happy things are going well for you.

 

i'm still not a 100% about things and will definitely keep on guard but i feel better than i did.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

To me it's rare to hear someone let alone for me to tell the opposite sex 'I love you' unless they are a family member or someone very close that you both know. But here's a stranger that's texting your b/f.

 

It just seems inappropriate and inconsiderate on her part even if for 'any reason' that there's nothing going on between them. How would he feel if you were getting such text from another guy?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I tell some of my male friends that I love them. And I mean it, but not in a romantic way. If my boyfriend had a problem with that his head might explode because it is a common thing some of us say to each other.

 

It sounds to me like he didn't get defensive and he simply explained it, with a reasonable explanation. If he'd gotten defensive I'd be really worried, but he didn't.

 

I'd let it drop. If you can't, tell him that you'd like to meet this co-worker friend. Her reaction to you should speak volumes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think the OP and many here have jumped the gun. There is no additional evidence of infidelity. Especially with the original evidence rendered almost moot. I don't think its passive-aggressive to ask you to check the phone. I think its most likely because he had nothing to hide and you were closer to the phone.

 

Perhaps this stems from your own fears of commitment?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i definitely feel like i jumped the gun. and i think it's more my trust issues than commitment issues. i've been hurt in the past and i think when i saw that all i could see was him cheating on me without really taking time to think it through.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well it seems strange that a female co-worker is texting your boyfriend "I love you".

 

Sometimes female co-workers do nice stuff for me like suprize me with hot drinks or whatever and I shout out "Love ya!" at them, but I doubt that makes them text me later with "I love you".

 

There really isn't any reason for female co-workers to text your boyfriend "I love you" unless they really do think they love him!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well it seems strange that a female co-worker is texting your boyfriend "I love you".

 

Sometimes female co-workers do nice stuff for me like suprize me with hot drinks or whatever and I shout out "Love ya!" at them, but I doubt that makes them text me later with "I love you".

 

There really isn't any reason for female co-workers to text your boyfriend "I love you" unless they really do think they love him!

 

I totally agree.... as much as I "love" all my guy friends in my life... I never, ever would text them "i luv you".... as a plain message. HUGE RED FLAG.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...