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Never thought this would happen to me.


whattodo12

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I am 23 she is 22. We had been dating for 2 year and 10 months. My girlfriend and I's relationship has been kinda rocky since this summer.

 

I had questions if I wanted to be with her forever. I told her about these question this past summer. I guess I wasn't 100% sure if i wanted to marry her. I figured "I am young, I don't need to worry about this right now." Ever since then, our relationship was off and on and when times were good, they were good.... but times went bad whenever she asked me about if I wanted to be with her forever. She thought if i didn't want to be with her forever now, then I never will. (which may be a valid point, guess I'll never know)

 

So we decided to take a break. 3 days after we decided to take a break, I went over to to her house to talk. We talked about how this is such a good idea, and how if we really want to be together we will figure things out and ultimately be together in the end. It was a really good conversation. She had said that she was scared for us because she began thinking about other guys and saw herself almost wanting to flirt with them.(guess i shoulda seen a sign there) She talked about a guy she knew and became close with. I never thought anything other than "they were friends and thats it." Well the next night she wanted to talk again. She said she had something to tell me. I find out that she actually had sex with the guy the night before we had this talk. So it was 2 days after we took a break.

 

I can't help but blame myself. At the night she had sex with this guy, she felt hopeless about us because of me being unsure of us being together forever. She felt that because I had doubts about being with her forever now, that I will never develop them. She was highly intoxicated when she had sex with this guy. After she told me, I told her I needed time to think about the situation. This just adds another dimension to my thinking process about us. I guess I am just blaming myself because if I was just confident in my decision of wanting to be with her the rest of my life, then she would have never had sex with this guy. I mean maybe this is ultimately a good thing, because I did need time. Is it my fault for stringing her on for so long? Please help.

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It's certainly NOT your fault, you were honest with her about how you felt. What would you rather have happened, get married, have kids, and just dish it out for the sake of being polite? That would be a disaster for you, I know people in that situation right now, it isn't pretty. They only wish they were as honest as you were at a time where something could have been done about it. So don't blame yourself about any of this.

 

As for what she did, that just shows you how vulnerable she really was, granted, you've realized that she did what she did because she was vulnerable, intoxicated or not, I don't think had much to do with it, if anything, it just gave her a little courage to do what she wanted to do in the first place, which was rebound. I guess in the end, it's a matter of opinion, see I personally couldn't be with her after something like that happened, your saying it's your fault, but shes the one who went out and had sex. Regardless of the reasons, she wanted to, thats all that matters, there are no excuses in that.

The best thing for you to do is take more time away from eachother, maybe even go into No Contact if necessary. Go your separate ways, and see what happens in the future.

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Hell no its not your fault. You are both young. Theres a good chance you dont know if you want to get married at this point in your life. Why rush.

 

Her actions despite her saying she was drunk is totally wrong. She may have been sad about the two of you but if she wanted ANY chance of working it out between you she would not have done that. Two days after? i couldn't get past that.

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