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Becoming a friend on Facebook.


Dougie_D

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O.k. I have a couple of questions. If I was on a dating site, I would be asking complete strangers if they are interested in me enough to go on a date. Apparently for the girls on the site, that seems fine. But if I ask a girl to become a friend on Facebook, especially if I don't know them, I may look creepy???!!!?? Isn't that the same thing? What if I do know the girl, but only met/talk to her once? Is that still creepy? But if I was on the dating site, it would be embarrasing?? I'm so confused on this one.

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Because the purpose of a dating site is to meet new people. Facebook isn't necessarily to meet new people but to keep contact/socialize with people that you already know. If you met someone and had a lengthy conversation that neither of you were completely intoxicated then yes it would be fine to friend them after the first time you met. But, if its just someone you met in passing then that's kind of creepy and so isn't friending people on facebook that you don't know.

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As far as the FB thing goes, I think that befriending a guy that I never met before is creepy because I'm not sure what's behind their friend request. They may want to get access to my FB account to stalk me, they may want to try to be more than just friends with me or they may just want to be friends? I wouldn't know. If I did meet them once before and they tried to befriend me on FB then I'll more than likely befriend him.

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Salicia - well said on that, lot of poeple use FB as for friends and family only and after awhile of knowing someone one on one in person when they feel safe and accept you as a friend in person they would be okay to add you as a friend. Also if your finding someone on dating site i would meet with them in person and not use the whole web thing.

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Is disagree on the weakness. It shows the confidence that you remember that person and you would want to let them know who you are. Can you tell me the next time you are going to see the person you might have had talked to at a bowling alley? a concert? a bar? the seat next to you on the airplane? Social networks allow this to be legal. To seek someone that is interested in you.

I believe you have a 50/50 chance of flattering a girl or either creeping her out.

I'm trying to figure out if it's 50/50 or 33/33/??

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Yeah, actually I don't ever ask anyone to be my friend unless I know them really well. If I had just met someone though, I usually send them a message first. Depending on how long it's been I may have the request attached or not. The shorter and stronger mutual of friends, then I have a request. The longer with less mutual, then NO request. That gives them less pressure, and if they accept it, you definetly did something to interest them.

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If you meet someone in lets say a bar you talk get along well a phone number or even an e-mail i think would be better then a FB, cause sites like those that have pics of that person, there friends and family they just might not wanna share just yet. Anyone correct me if i'm wrong but wouldn't a guy asking for a girls phone number be more confident then a FB ??

 

Also lets say you meet this person talk for a few mins and you tracker her down on FB its gonna look creepy and stalkish. As for me i'm gonna stay clear from the FB and go straight for the phone numbers, wish i started earlier in life. But in the end dude people look at FB adds so differently, some will accept anyone, other will only accept friends, no family, i'm going through my own FB mess, i'm lost and confused.

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If you meet someone in lets say a bar you talk get along well a phone number or even an e-mail i think would be better then a FB.

 

Thats for sure, it IS weak to ask for somebody's facebook! Just ask for the number. Start off texting if you have to, then maybe she'll add you to facebook or MSN later on, if you don't wanna spend too much time on the phone or use up all your texts.

 

Facebook for me, is an online phonebook with pictures. Thats all it really is. Plus it helps you find people from high school and things like that. I would never wanna hook up via the internet, it just seems as though somethings missing, by pickin up a girl with the click of a mouse, rather than going up to her or vise versa and actually talking face to face.

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Yeah, but I'm just using it for my "second" meeting. "second" conversational starting. What's the difference of me seeing her again at a bar and initiating another conversation? She wouldn't think I'm creepy? But what if, I really did follow her and acted like I ran into her? In that world, she would've never thought that. It's the concept of the internet that freaks people out

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Yeah, but I'm just using it for my "second" meeting. "second" conversational starting. What's the difference of me seeing her again at a bar and initiating another conversation? She wouldn't think I'm creepy? But what if, I really did follow her and acted like I ran into her? In that world, she would've never thought that. It's the concept of the internet that freaks people out

 

I think thats the problem with society in general, is that we now rely on things like, texts, facebook, online dating, MSN etc. and it really takes away from the actual face time, the whole chemistry of it all, because now we have all these options at our fingertips. So the approaching part, just doesn't seem to be as much appreciated, as it would, say 20 years ago. It's really sad, but i'm sticking to it, phuck technology, don't use it for your dating life. A phone call is acceptable.

 

So to finally answer your question, the difference would be face time, REAL chemistry, something you can't get from facebook. A face to face conversation would make up for 100 fakebook conversations in terms of progress with that person.

As for the following part, i'm pretty sure no matter what world your in she'd be freaked out. Facebook ruins relationships (I know, not all) but it's just too easy to misinterpret a comment or photo, and for those who are seriously lacking in trust, will cyber stalk. Either way, keep facebook for friends n family, avoid using it for picking up women or "second meetings".

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I'm not sweating it. All I am going to do is send her a message like this: "Hey, it's Doug. Not sure if you remember me, but I'm the guy that told you to hang out with guy friends when I leave...hahaha! Anyways, just to let you know, I don't think Memphis will make it this year!...and I forgot, but I think Russell is playing next week. Check them out.

I give her 4 rememberances.

My name, what I said to make her laugh, where she comes from, and what we have in common with.

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I'm not sweating it. All I am going to do is send her a message like this: "Hey, it's Doug. Not sure if you remember me, but I'm the guy that told you to hang out with guy friends when I leave...hahaha! Anyways, just to let you know, I don't think Memphis will make it this year!...and I forgot, but I think Russell is playing next week. Check them out.

I give her 4 rememberances.

My name, what I said to make her laugh, where she comes from, and what we have in common with.

 

Ya that sounds fine, although personally, I think you should leave out the memphis thing. Otherwise, it's pretty straight forward, thats what you want with messages like these, straight forward and to the point. I hope she gets back to you. If she does, and i'm sure she will, try to get her to come out to that place you said Russell is playing.

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The reason women who use dating sites are told to give only cell phone numbers and to meet in public rather than have a guy pick you up is that you don't want strangers to know your full name or where you live. If a woman uses her full name on FB, she's not likely to want to connect there with someone from a dating site unless and until a relationship develops.

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Honestly, why do you think she would reply?

 

Well, if she's interested, she will reply, that parts obvious, but I think, even if she isn't, she would reply out of common curtousy. You took the time to write her, she would do the same. I'm not saying to hold your breath on this one, but more than likely, she will reply.

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See, I don't do courtesy. I would rather have her respond because she would like to get to know me better or not respond and waste my time.

I have to have things blunt. If they are not, I assume it's garbage.

Could be why I've never been in a relationship. I don't like to take too much time getting to know someone. I think it's a waste of time if you date someone for a period of time, and then all of a sudden all these secrets come out. Why wouldn't they tell me at the beginning!

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See, I don't do courtesy. I would rather have her respond because she would like to get to know me better or not respond and waste my time.

I have to have things blunt. If they are not, I assume it's garbage.

Could be why I've never been in a relationship. I don't like to take too much time getting to know someone. I think it's a waste of time if you date someone for a period of time, and then all of a sudden all these secrets come out. Why wouldn't they tell me at the beginning!

 

LOL...ya, thats a good reason why you haven't been in a relationship, you know what though, I do agree with you in a sense that it can be a pain going through the "get to know eachother" process, only to find out they're a completely different person later on down the road. But you can't assume all women are like that, in fact, depending on the women, it can be great getting to know them, even educational. You learn something new with every experience, so take your time, whats the rush?

Just because you get a courtesy message, doesn't mean it's a waste of time, alot of the times those courtesy messages aren't rejection messages, but rather, i'd like to get to know you more so I can decide kinda thing.

You've gotta be patient, ask alot of questions, it shows your interested in what they have to say. It shows courtesy, which is necessary.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hiya, yeah I only ever add people I actually know on Facebook, although a few weeks ago I received a random friend request off a girl local to where I live. This is definitely not a girl I know and I don't recognise her picture on her profile. I accepted the friend request, mainly out of curiosity.

 

Anyway, nothing happened for a week or so, so I sent her a random message just asking if I knew her, as I noticed she happens to be on my cousins friendslist as well, so was wondering if perhaps I knew her through my cousin. Anyway she replied with an odd reply saying 'I'm not sure why I added you but good to have you as a friend'. We chatted using the Facebook chat function for about 30 minutes after that, just mainly talking about holidays, weather etc just general chit chat really. I ended up braking up the conversation as I was at work at the time on my lunch break.

 

So just goes to show women can add men they don't know on Facebook as well, although I guess that doesn't happen very often. Perhaps she liked my profile pic I don't know. I'm not the best looking lad in the world far from it, but just found it odd that a nice looking girl like this could add me like that. Her profile has recently stated she is in a relationship btw, so would never progress things further with her now though

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Remembered that happened to me once too. She is a really cute girl and she was just adding me randomly, I noticed we had one friend in common. Took a while after the add but then the adds started coming in

Seems she was adding friends of friends to then start marketing to a larger crowd on Facebook. Free adds!

 

I did not buy anything from her affiliates but I copied the thought. I now make a point of having as many Facebook friends as possible within my own country. Can't find a better way to market your products than if you have a few thousand available customers for free advertising. Even better, on Facebook marketplace you can also see what friends of friends post for sale!

As a result of this, I'll add anyone I meet. I'll even ask them for full name just to add them to Facebook. I have "social" conversations with people just because I want to advertise my products to them and know they might be interested in something I have. I've quit going to clubs to pick up girls for a one night stand, I go pick up customers when I go out. By the way, I ended up contacting that girl and have her do affiliate marketing for me too.

 

Not everyone is creepy for randomly adding you, they might just be planning to spam you

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