So do I make a move and see??

[hopeless66]

If you have read my previous posts, my ex and I have been spending alot of time together over the last 5 weeks or so. About a week and a half ago I asked if I could kiss her goodnight. She said, "I don't know. I want to take things slow. Take it day to day. I'm a mess, I'm confused, don't want to go through losing you again, etc." After that I told her I couldn't be her "friend" and that I had to back off. That I wanted more than she did and any further persuing would make me feel like I'm pushing... Since then she had been coming more at me..

 

In the last week or so, we have hung out almost everyday. This week was my birthday. Sunday I met up with her and her friend. Her friend made some comments like "They still love each other, you should have him drive and bring you back to your car in the morning,etc."

Monday we didn't really talk or hang out. She called me that night. Tues she took me to dessert for my birthday, we hung a couple hours. Wed was my bday and she took me to dinner and was fairly flirty, rubbing my neck, etc. After dinner she dropped me off to go meet up with my friends because she had to work in the morning. Thursday we went out to dinner and spent a few hours together, yesterday we talked all day but didn't see each other. I wound up going out with friends last night. This morning I met her for Bfast and tonight we are supposed to hangout.

 

My question is, I plan on trying to kiss her tonight, is that being too pushy? If I do and it goes well then that answers my question. If she backs away, do I just tell her I can't continue like this anymore? That it is too difficult for me and that we need some space and if she figures out what she wants she can call me?

 

I know reconciliation can be a slow process but her signals are very confusing. She keeps planning things with me. Going to a Hockey game, going with me to a premiere for a movie I did, going to nthe movies this week, etc. Spending all the time we have together over the last month or so I feel like I have been pretty patient. Do you feel like its too soon to push the issue again?

[JimNobodyPhd]

Its a trap. Don't do it.

[AJEDrew7]

Its a trap. Don't do it.

 

Huh? I don't think his ex is trying to play games with him, if that's what you're trying to say. I don't think kissing is out the question and you could try it again but try and read the situation first don't just go for it. I would be a little more appehensive/cautious about doing it. You two have obviously been spending plenty of time together for it to be ok for it to happen, just sometimes some people really really need to take getting back together slower than you would expect.

[JimNobodyPhd]

Right now she controls things...she knows the answers to his questions...he doesn't.

[hopeless66]

Well wouldn't taking a step in that direction answer those questions?

 

If I get shot down do I tell her we need to take space until she knows what she wants?

[AJEDrew7]

Yea, that's pretty much what I was saying. Obviously she's the only one that knows the answers and the only way you're gunna find out is if you try. If she isn't for it either you tell her you're sick of waiting for her to be ready or you could just accept it and continue spending time with her as you have been and hope that she'll come around soon enough.

[JimNobodyPhd]

No. Because she is baiting you into that direction.

 

There is a power struggle going on here. Who would be so aggressive in hanging out with their ex...yet be confused about wanting them back? It just doens't make any sense.

 

I also think she has alot of drama in her and i think keeping her will be exhausting work.

[AJEDrew7]

I disagree. She just wants to take things slow. That doesn't mean she's baiting him. She's been spending an incredible amount of time with him if she was just "confused". Obviously there is something there. She's not confused about wanting him back. She just doesn't want to go through the hurt of losing him again as he said, which would make her apprehensive about being physical again. Sure, she holds the power because he's the one waiting around for her to be ready to take it to the next level but I think he has nothing to lose by going for it. Either they take it to the next level, or she still isn't ready and he either backs off for a while or he just continues spending time with her like he has been to prove to her that he's committed to being in a relationship with her again.

[BobbyC]

I'm going to agree with AJEDrew7. You and your ex have had steady conversations lately. Someone has to be the one to make the "first" move. She's been flirty with you over the last week. I don't know if I see any type of ower struggle or game playing. I'd say try it. If not tonight, then soon. You will get the answers you are looking for.

[hopeless66]

I dont think she is playing games, I think she is just very confused and scared. That she doesn't know what she wants. The position I am in is that we completely act like we are a couple without the affection (kissing, etc.). I'm just thinking that since we have probebly hung out 15 times now, I have given her enough time to really weigh the situation. If she doesn't go for it I figure I will distance myself so she can take the time and come to her own decision.

 

Not to mention since the first day we started talking again, after 8 mos NC, a day hasnt gone by that we havent talked or texted throughout the day.

[AJEDrew7]

I agree. You've given her your time and showed her you're willing to make the effort to be together and that she can't just leave you hanging without an answer because that isn't fair to you. Goodluck and I hope things work out for the best.

[hopeless66]

So we hung out last night. Grabbed a bite to eat and came back to my place and layed down to watch a movie. She asked me to rub her head and shoulders.. We started joking around and she started tickling me so I went ahead and kissed her. She kissed me right back. We made out for a couple minutes and she just rolled onto me and cuddled. At the end of the night I walked her to her car and hugged her goodbye. So it seems like its progressing so I figured there was no reason to say anything.

[Diagonal]

Great work, things are progressing nicely.

[TearsofFate]

I think you should try kissing her. I'm not saying this because I think it will work, I'm saying you should because it will answer some questions as to where she is at with you. She seems to like you, but I think she still might want to take it slow.

But sometimes, even when people want to take things slow, sometimes a small push can help...

 

If she accepts the kiss, I think you should take things slow after. Like don't kiss her, then do all this other stuff. Leave it as just a kiss and take it easy with her. If she doesn't accept the kiss, back off and let her be for a while.

[atelis]

"I don't know. I want to take things slow. Take it day to day. I'm a mess, I'm confused, don't want to go through losing you again, etc."

 

This should be a real concern for you. You know what you want, yet she is telling you straight that she is a 'mess' in her own words. If someone is not right in the head, how can a mature relationship develop? She won't be able to figure herself out while she is in a relationship, and my fear is that you will be the fall guy once again.

 

Only 4 weeks ago she got drunk and wanted to have sex with you and you quite rightly declined. 4 weeks later she tells you she wants to take it slow and won't kiss you??????? Alarm bells are ringing everywhere that she is incredibly confused.

 

I really do fear for you here