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Why aren't women more honest


Hopeful99

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The woman I am very much in love with is not in love with me....so I am trying to move on. I think we are still friends and I am ok with that. However, she never came out and told me never, etc. Told her friends if she is not with me she thinks she will regret it down the road, etc. And has just told me that she thinks it would go way to fast if we were together right now and she is not prepared for that at this point in her life (divorced 3 mos ago).

 

That said, she knows I a crazy in love with her.....and that I still have hope. I am not hanging on to hope but I do pray it could work out. Why wount she just tell me that it is never going to happen?

 

I think I could move from that better than timing, etc.

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Because maybe she really doesn't know. I dated a guy like that - he wouldn't exactly tell me it was never going to happen (a relationship with him), but wouldn't write us off, either. In the end, it never did happen, but I know your frustration, having been there.

 

Just date others, and if she comes around...great...

3 months out of divorce is rather soon....

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Yes - on and off since November - each time we got closer (or so I felt)...I got the "I am not ready". I know she is dating now on and off but swears to me she wpnt fall in love and it not ready for anything with anyone....which I find hard to believe

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Yes - on and off since November - each time we got closer (or so I felt)...I got the "I am not ready". I know she is dating now on and off but swears to me she wpnt fall in love and it not ready for anything with anyone....which I find hard to believe

 

Why do you find it hard to believe?

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Because I know she has dated people along with me as we were never totally exclusive - but I fell in love anyway. Everyone tells me that if she wanted to be with me she would so there is that....

 

When we are together we have a great time - she has never told me that she is not attracted but I am just wondering. The last few times we have seen each other always ends up in passionate sex - more so than any I have ever had....and I have had a lot....

 

I want to hold on for hope and be a friend but it is hard cause she knows how much I love her....

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Her friend told me I treated her so well - she does not knowhow to handle it b/c all other men have been a##holes to her a lot.....told me I should be more of a challenge but I am not sure I know how

 

I know the best gift of love would be to tell her I am out of her life completely and to wish her happiness and to find what she wants - but not sure if I can right now

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I've been out with women like this. It's actually very common. Of course this isn't just women, but, people in general just want to go out and have a good time, be with someone that they can have fun with and be comfortable around without the attachment or the responsibilities and obligations that come with a relationship. It happens, if this isn't what you want, then don't go out with her anymore, if this is how she feels, you have to respect that, you can't force her to change, and from the sounds of it, doesn't look like she will anyway.

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"it would go way to fast if we were together right now and she is not prepared for that at this point in her life"

 

Agent - I have a hard time with this comment.....if it would go fast if we were together she obviously thinks it would be good.....then why not be with me....she is risking losing me

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MS Darcy - let me clarify........

 

When we started to date - she never mentioned the divorce - in fact she was coming on very strong - a little too strong and I was scared of getting hurt...so I held back which she thought was me wanting other women....which was not true at all. I DO NOT want to give up on her - I love her more than anyone else I have ever been with. But....I also have been lied to more than you can imagine in my life.....I am just wondering if she is playing me....cause all my friends think that

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She'd just been divorced, so I'm sorry but she was most likely coming on strong as a way to prove to herself that she still has it. She didn't consider that it might have this effect on you.

 

But she just wants a good time and probably doesn't even realise that she's done such a number on you. Which is rubbish, but all you can do is try to find someone who is on the same page as you. Which she most definitely isn't.

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MS Darcy - let me clarify........

 

When we started to date - she never mentioned the divorce - in fact she was coming on very strong - a little too strong and I was scared of getting hurt...so I held back which she thought was me wanting other women....which was not true at all. I DO NOT want to give up on her - I love her more than anyone else I have ever been with. But....I also have been lied to more than you can imagine in my life.....I am just wondering if she is playing me....cause all my friends think that

 

When did you find out about the divorce?

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Since she's only been divorced for 3 months, she is no where near ready to date, she needs to be on her own for a good while in order to heal, and figure out what she wants in life. Some people are so afraid of being alone that they rush into a new relationship the second that the door closes on the previous one.

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op, i just had a fling with a woman who was 3 months separated from an abusive husband. read carefully, and please - take heed.

 

your original question was 'why aren't women more honest'. i will tell you why, and the answer is not politically correct...

 

there are a tiny, very small number of women who do believe in total/brutal honesty...they tend to have more traditionally 'masculine' qualities. if you're like me, you'll respect them tremendously but strangely feel that they 'just don't do it for you'.

 

the rest of women are manipulation machines. this includes every single woman in my life. however - even with this undeniable truth herein stated - some of them are still 'worth it'. i'll explain.

 

of course - men can lie too. duh. but nobody respects or likes a man who is a liar, or who doesn't keep his word. he's regarded as a snake, a dog, a douchebag, or worse.

 

lying is a woman's fist (credit: my brother). when a woman lies, she's 'just protecting herself', or 'she's just being defensive because she's been hurt before'. if a man uses his literal fist, he goes to jail (as he probably should). if a woman uses her metaphorical fist, it's excused, pardoned, rationalized, justified - and not just by misandrist gender feminists, but by society at large, at least in the western world.

 

so which women are 'worth it'? it's your duty as a man to be aware enough and strong enough to call her on her bull. you say you 'don't know how to be a challenge'. i'll make it real easy for you dude. be a challenge by calling her on her bull. be a challenge by actively punishing her bad behavior. women will take whatever you'll allow them to get from you. you have to be proactive and nip it in the bud. if after however many weeks or months of her testing you - she gets the message and develops respect for you and knocks off her awful behavior, perhaps she is a keeper, and perhaps she is worth it.

 

if not, you have to be strong enough to walk away. if you aren't willing to walk, she'll never respect you anyway. but she'll never tell you that. she doesn't have the courage to be that honest, because if you knew this going into it, she'd be relinquishing some of her passive-aggressive/keep him guessing/manipulation power.

 

so even for the few women who are 'worth it', they are still unbelievably flawed in ways that probably far surpass your own collective character defects.

 

there's your concise answer.

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Please don't believe any of this. This essentially says that honest women are masculine and the rest are liars. If you want a healthy partner, be healthy yourself and weed out dishonest people early on. There are many many people in happy relationships who adhere to this creed.

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Few people are going to come out and say, "look, i really don't want a relationship with you". People don't want to hurt other people, generally.

 

The fact that she knows how you feel about her and still chooses to date others tells you she does not want a relationship with you. Whether it is due to timing of the divorce remains to be seen. Maybe she is ready, but just hasn't found the right person yet, or maybe she really isn't ready. But neither of those scenerios changes your situation.

 

You should make every effort to try and meet other people and gradually release her from your heart (which I know will be very difficult).

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oh geez, i think this is all a load of baloney. you're saying that the only women you are attracted to are liars, essentially. well, how is your love life working out for you??? not well i take it.

 

the truth it that many people lie, and many people tell the truth. And many people tell half truths. and everything in between. This is true of MEN AND WOMEN.

 

To the OP - I don't exactly see where this woman lied to you, or what the lie was and how you found out about it (through her friends?) what i can say to you is that her actions pretty clearly are indicating that she isn't ready for a new relationship (especially being 3 months divorced) so i would move on. Tell her she can call you should she decide she is ready to date you.

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oh geez, i think this is all a load of baloney. you're saying that the only women you are attracted to are liars, essentially. well, how is your love life working out for you??? not well i take it.

 

I completely agree. It's a strange conclusion that has no truth in reality for healthy relationships.

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^^^ exactly.

 

I won't lie. I'm not 100% honest. I don't believe in "brutal honesty." If my boyfriend asks me if he is the best lover I've ever had, of course I will say, "hell ya!!!" What? should I tell him, "No, Jack and Bob and Steve were all way better than you. Steve used to do this trick where he would......" i mean, c'mon, there are some things you really should not be honest about, because you don't want to hurt the person you love. this is just one obvious example where telling the whole truth isn't going to be nice to the person you are seeing.

 

but, on a grand scale, i paint an accurate picture to people about who i am, what i want, what i am looking for, etc... i mean, how can you have a long lasting, real relationship with someone without being real about yourself?

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what people in the decadent west call 'healthy relationships' are relationships in which the man is very, VERY patient....or, he learns to tolerate - or in rare cases, is skillful enough eliminate the woman's manipulative behavior.

 

what kind of 'man' asks if he's 'the best lover you've ever had'?! what kind of needy, insecure coward does that? i've got my flaws, but i'd never even think of doing that.

 

op, i guess i shouldn't doubt the sincerity of these women posters, but i think they're completely wrong and would lead you astray. my heart goes out to you man - please do what i suggest....i will say that i agree with some of the other posters that i don't see concrete evidence that in your particular case that there have been any 'clear lies', but i do sense that she's stringing you along, and that she knows it and doesn't care about your well-being - and THAT, while not a lie, IS manipulative. so follow my advice, for your own good.

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The woman I am very much in love with is not in love with me....so I am trying to move on. I think we are still friends and I am ok with that.

 

I got the "I am not ready". I know she is dating now on and off but swears to me she wpnt fall in love and it not ready for anything with anyone....

 

Because I know she has dated people along with me as we were never totally exclusive - but I fell in love anyway.

 

"it would go way to fast if we were together right now and she is not prepared for that at this point in her life"

 

what people in the decadent west call 'healthy relationships' are relationships in which the man is very, VERY patient....or, he learns to tolerate - or in rare cases, is skillful enough eliminate the woman's manipulative behavior.

 

Hopeful, from what YOU have told us, you are with a woman who was divorcing while you started dating. You weren't exclusive and you knew that yet you, in your words, "fell in love anyway." Then she says she's makes it clear that she's not in love, that she's not ready for anything with anyone although she is dating others.

What you say leads me to believe that she doesn't want anything serious (perhaps not ready due to the divorce), but she still wants to date people. Unfortunately, she doesn't want to date YOU right now. She doesn't want to say never with you because she doesn't want to burn that bridge ... she wants to keep her options open in the future just in case she changes her mind. Now ... you have the choice here. You can insist that women are manipulative OR you can say that you want a relationship while she wants something less and it's not acceptable to you. YOU can put your foot down and set your boundaries. You don't have to see her, talk to her, sleep with her until she's ready for a relationship.

 

Assertiveness, not victimhood, is your friend here. But if she is a woman who has been lying to you, how can you trust her to be a faithful lover?

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