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She said ok, but should I say no?


Stretchb

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Ok, I went one week with no contact. Then I came walking out of the store the other day, and there she was in her car waiting for me to come out. I got in her car and she started crying about how she missed me. We ended up at her house, talked for a couple hours and also had sex, by my request.

 

The conversation ended up with her saying she still needs the space she asked for. I told her that was fine, but it was obvious that she misses me and I miss her, so it didn't make sense to not talk or see each other when we wanted to. She agreed.

 

She also said she would be my date for a ritzy company event I have to attend in a few weeks. She agreed we could go and do things with our kids together every couple of weeks. And she agreed that we could call or text when we wanted to talk to each other.

 

So, since that morning, I have called and talked to her twice. She was polite and for the most part I kept it short and easy. Except for the first call, when at the end of the conversation I said, "Mandi, I love you. I won't say that all the time, but I need to say it once in a while." To which she said "ok". And she did not give an "I love you" back. And that pretty much hurt.

 

It's going on the second day since I last contacted her. And I am feeling like a fool again. I just feel like this is so one sided right now. Like I need her, and she doesn't need or want me.

 

Now I'm thinking I need to just end this. I do want her back, but I'm worried I don't have a chance in hell with the situation I have set up between us now. I feel like maybe Tuesday night, since I'm off work that night, I should call and ask to come over. Then while there, tell her I can't do this anymore.

 

Tell her I feel like this is too one sided and I need to just move on. Explain that I love her, but cannot continue with the relationship where it currently lies. Meaning, I want to be with her, but am not getting that the feeling that this is very mutual right now. Tell her that I need to get on with my life and that I will not contact her any more.

 

I am also very tempted to ask her if she will tell me exactly what turned this all around. Is it something I did, that maybe I can learn from by her telling me what it was. Either way, telling her I'm done, giving each other our keys and stuff back, and then saying goodbye. To which after that I will not contact her at all. And maybe letting her know, that maybe some day we can be friends, but for the time being I will not be able to deal with that. Maybe down the road, after I am over her, then possibly I could handle a friendship.

 

I don't know. Everyone here has been so helpful for me over the last couple weeks, I wanted to know what you thought about my current position in this stupid game that I'm tied into at 35 freaking years old. I hate it, by the way.

 

Thanks, Stretch.

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I think your best bet is to tell her by phone that whatever it is that you have between you now isn't working for you and it is your best interests to stop seeing her or talking to her. Tell her that you do love her and wish her decision had been different but it is time for you to move on with your life and that you will not be contacting her any more.

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If the situation is something you are not comfortable with, then I think that you should have a chat with her and tell her how you feel.

Living life in limbo is awful, I just did that and am still doing this with my ex boyfriend, not knowing what is going to unfold, not knowing how they are actually feeling is nothing but stressful.

 

Or

 

what you can do is just go NC. dont talk to her for a couple days.. if she wants space, really give it to her.. texting her and or calling her is possibly just pushing her away.

 

Its a lot to think about.

From recent experience I would go NC for the couple days to see if she calls.. if not call her up and tell her how you feel.

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Don't jump the gun on this! It's only been a few days. I know you're upset that she didn't say I love you back...that would hurt a lot. She said she still needs space but she also agreed to a lot of future things with you which is a really good sign. You also agreed to give her space so don't go back on your word!

 

I'm just saying don't freak out about it quite yet and give her some breathing room. I know it does sound a lot like my situation so I know how that feels, I'm at around a month after we had that talk - but he never made future plans with me either. Giving that space is really hard though...especially when you want more than what they want. Just take a deep breath and try to focus on the positives!

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Read this

 

I want to reiterate what adviseseeker said, Don't Jump The Gun!

 

Do you love this woman? Do you want her to be happy? Do you want to share your happiness with her?

 

If yes, then take some deep breaths and slow down. Don't push her and don't force her to make a decision right away. Just give her some space and let her experience life without you around. Let her initiate things for a few weeks. After a few weeks then you can talk to her about your feelings. She might bring them up earlier.

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Ok, I went one week with no contact. Then I came walking out of the store the other day, and there she was in her car waiting for me to come out. I got in her car and she started crying about how she missed me. We ended up at her house, talked for a couple hours and also had sex, by my request.

 

The conversation ended up with her saying she still needs the space she asked for. I told her that was fine, but it was obvious that she misses me and I miss her, so it didn't make sense to not talk or see each other when we wanted to. She agreed.

 

 

Unfortunately, I think you made your situation worse and not better. When someone needs space, then you talk to them for hours and have sex with them and then they STILL need space .... well that's a big ole' ouch. What I'm seeing is someone who is trying to (and suceeding) in weening herself off you while you remain attached. The more you push, the more she pulls away. Sorry bud.

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Once again, you guys and gals are sooo right. I was having anxiety attacks again yesterday and was starting to freak out. I really need to give her the time and space she is asking for.

 

Thank you so much. Man this forum can really be helpful, especially when I stick to the advice i am being given.

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