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I wonder if he has learned anything


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so my ex broke up with me at a time when he was lost and didnt understand what he was doing. He was infamous for taking me for granted. the breakup killed me and I went on to date someone else and he went back to the rebound romance chick he most likely left me for in confusion. Now the man I am with is wonderful, and he makes me very happy. However I still have to communicate with my ex, because he has alot of my things. (yes its a very messy situation) My ex started to avoid me so I became more angry with him because he had my stuff. Now my ex has contacted me saying he's sorry and that he has a hard time trying to talk to me because he feels so ashamed of the mistake he made. He also says he still has feelings for me. I simply told him that if he hurt the girl he was currently dating that I would hate him again. I want to ask him if he has learned anything from the situation... but part of me feels that he needs alot more time to realize things. I dunno. What are your takes on this? lolll

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I understand why you want to know if he has learned anything. It feels really important. You suffered from his actions. Of course you want to know if he learned from that.

 

Just as a guess, I would say it's doubtful that he did learn anything. He sounds like he just feels sorry for himself. Using that as an excuse to make your life harder by avoiding dealing with matters at hand. That's selfish behavior. And to apologize by saying that he avoided taking care of business "because he feels so ashamed of the mistake he made" is utterly manipulative.

 

If he has feelings for you that are anything more than selfish and self-centered, he would be bending over backwards to make you happy by getting your things back to you, by being helpful and responsive, by asking how you are, and truly being interested. And most of all, by fully admitting the errors he made, and by discussing openly his self-reflection and the hard work he's done to figure out why the heck he made such stupid mistakes and why in the world he would hurt somebody who loved him.

 

You see what I mean? If he is sniffly and sad and says he feels bad and still has feelings, he is trying to get your sympathy, and who knows what else. But it's still all about him. If the situation was reversed, would you make it hard for him to get his things back?

 

My ex pulled this sort of sniffle fest on me repeatedly and I bought it. He told me he had learned, and couldn't BELIEVE what he had done to me and who he had been. Soon after, he was being that same person he couldn't believe he had been! As a friend said to me, a year and a half ago, "How has he shown you that he changed?"

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thanks both of you I have learned alot from this situation, but it seems I am still learning more...

nothanks something you said really clicked. There was a time when we were still together that I cant forget... when my happiness or his indulgence was on the line... and guess what he decided was more important?

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