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I don't know if I want to get engaged, or completely end it.


butterfly-kiss

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My ex boyfriend and I have been broken up for 7 months. We dated for 2 years. We are both 30 years old. He did the initial break-up during an argument we both had. We were both being unreasonable, then he began to become worse, and ended it right there.

 

I came over the next day, and got everything of mine from his house. We talked for a few minutes. He did apologize for how he acted, and asked me sometime in the next few weeks when we are not upset with each other can we discuss what happened.

 

Two weeks later I went out with some friends, and did not like some of the places they were going. I called my ex up about 1am. He was sleeping, he picked up, and I asked him to stay on the phone with me while I walk to my car. I was little scared walking by myself. I asked him if I could drop by, and he said sure. We talked until 4am. We got a lot out we needed to.

 

He asked me out on a date 3 weeks later, it was a real simple casual dinner date. We talked, and laughed. Even gave each other a hug, and a kiss. It was good to have the feeling back. I made myself distant from him after what happened. I did not want to let out a lot of emotion. I was trying to act strong.

 

We have some history between us. When we first met 4 years ago he was really into me, and I was into him. We went on 3 dates, and talked on the phone about 2 hours each night for the first week. We did have a lot of friends in common, but we never met each other before. I don’t know why I did this but I quit talking to him. I did not return his calls, emails, or text messages. He quit calling me after a week.

 

3 months later he is dating someone else. I don’t know why I got so jealous but I did. I was always looking at his pictures, and missed him. He only dated this girl for about 2 months. It was a relief to me, even though we were not even talking. I left him a comment online one day, and he responded fairly quickly, and we began to chat online a little. A few months later I asked him if he could help me with something, and to my surprise he did, and even took me out to dinner after. It felt really good, I gave him a hug, and was hoping for a kiss. It never happened.

 

I saw him a few times the next few weeks. It was good be around him. I did cancel the most important date we had scheduled 30 minutes before we were going go meet. He invited me to go out his boat. I did not want him to see me in the swim suit. I know this crushed him. He was so excited about going. A few days later I few to Atlantic City for a family birthday get together. We kept in contact when I was there. And had plans when I got back. I don’t know why I did this. But I met a guy up there, and we had a 3 month miserable LD relationship. He was crushed; he did not talk to me for months. I had to make the first move.

 

This LD relationship broke off quickly, and I focused my ex 100% we got things going good in about 3 weeks. We had a good first 9 months. Then some problems started to happen. I was staying with him a few nights a week during the summer. He told his sister it was ok to live with him for a month. I know this is family but I wanted our time together. His sister could have stayed with his mom, but she wanted to stay in his house, not his mom’s condo. I felt uncomfortable sometimes with her there. After about 1 year of dating he asked me to move in with him, and we began talking about marriage. I told him I am not moving in with you. I still live at home with my parents; He started to hold it over my head.

 

We also had other arguments. He never attended my graduation for my master’s degree. He supported me all the way through until this. I was crushed over this. We got in a fight on New Year’s Eve and he never even kissed at midnight. He also told me over the summer that he is too busy working for a week, and we would not be able to see me M-F. He did call me every night. He promised me a great weekend together; he ended up working until noon on Saturday. After this we had a good weekend. I told him how bad this hurt me. He said you can move with me, and see me every day. It hurt he would say this to me.

 

After we broke up we casually met, and kept in contact. He told me he would like to work on rekindling this relationship. He asked me if I wanted the same. I told him he needs to call my dad, and talk to him, and apologize to my family. He never did. He told me this relationship is between us. Once we figure it out he will approach my family. I could not deal with this anymore, so I told him on Christmas Eve we were through, and not to call me anymore. I really wanted a commitment from him, and a ring. He had months to do this.

He was confused. After I broke up with him I started kissing him, and even told him I am sorry, and I want to have sex. So we did, then I walked out. He was very confused. He called my dad a few days later, and talked to him. My dad did not say much to him.

 

He listened to me, and did not call me. I was still texting, and calling him, he usually responded. I usually had some kind of communication with him every day. I would tell him I missed him, and tell him I had dreams about us. Sent him love songs that made me think about us. After 2 months he called me for the first time and asked to see me. We met the next day. He told me he does not understand why you would break up with me, and still have some sort of contact with me almost every day. He told me this is mentally getting to him, and he can’t deal with it anymore.

 

He also showed me what his intentions were. He pulled out beautiful loose princess cut diamond, and told me he wanted to work on us, so we can spend the rest of our lives together. He told me he loves me. He said if we need to go to counseling we would go. He also told me when everything is going good, he would buy a setting, for the diamond, and we would go on a special date, and propose. I did not know what to do; it was the last thing I was expecting. Is he holding this diamond over my head? He even started to have tears fall from his eyes. He has never cried, or showed much emotion until this day. He told me he can go no further than this. I told him I need a month to think about it. He did not like my answer, but respected it, and told me 1 month it is. And that he needs an answer in person. He told me not to contact him until I have a yes, or no answer.

 

We talked for 2 hours, we hugged for 3 minutes we close, and firm, it felt great. He kept the diamond with him, and left.

 

Why the whole year of 2009 when I wanted to get engaged he did not, then now he does this 2 months after I told him I am done with him.

 

We both made some mistakes, I feel he gave it his all at first, then I ended up giving my all at the end. I don’t know what to do. I have so many different thoughts going through my head.

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Frankly I think you have treated him exceptionally badly, that you expect him to forgive and forget everything you have ever done to him but will not forgive anything he has done for you and I can only imagine that he loves you to an extreme to still want to marry you.

 

I think you have done enormous damage to the relationship and it is up to you to either fix it immediately and stop acting as you are and have been or end it for good.

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