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help! *THIS* close to calling ex!!!


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Im on day 12 of NC. its been hard, but being friends after didn't work out the way I wanted it to. we are not on each others facebooks but I stumbled on an untagged pic.

 

Last night i dreamt about the ex and this morning I feel so set back, my heart is literally hurting right now.

 

Im THIS close to calling and i need someone to help me not to

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dont, just dont!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! trust me, i have done the no contact for months. its the only way u can really move away and start moving on. i am still in a mess tho. jus found out my ex is with a new GF all in love. i am heart broken. i cry everytime i think about it. jus keep nc for yourself. cuz i am sure whatever it is, it will jus keep going on and on

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Let's go through what will happen if you contact:

1) they will tell you they are with someone new

2) they will tell you they still don't want to be with you (regardless of whether they are or aren't with someone new)

 

or....

3) don't contact, and they might eventually miss you

 

Which option do you want?

 

 

I'm on 6 days NC.

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You will feel worse than you do now if you call.

Especially if they ignore your call, or tell you anything negative (im happy, with someone else, no i dont want to see you, no i dont want to work it out)

 

Trust me, My bf and I have been broken up for 3 weeks.. and every time I contacted him the first week was negative, and sad.

 

NC is the way to go, you will feel accomplished and strong, because you are great and you dont need another person to make you feel happy.

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i felt like dying after hearing he is with someone else. i still feel like it, but after NC it makes it so much easier than if i was talking to him. then i would have felt decieved and lied on, even though nothing was there.

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I want the ex to miss me. im starting to think out of sight out of mind. i wanna contact to say hey, im still here

 

Let me see if I can use an analogy...

 

Say you had a dog, one that was very bad. Perhaps they went to the bathroom on the rug. And you yelled at them and they ran outside. Now, you're obviously still upset. Say you're sitting watching TV (still upset) by a sliding glass door.

 

Now, if the dog kept running by the door and peeking in on you, you would probably stay upset longer and you wouldn't worry at all about where the dog was. If the dog just flat out disappeared, eventually you'd wonder if they ran away, if something happened to the dog.

 

So, by you continually contacting your ex, you don't give her a chance to even wonder what you're up to or to miss you. Don't be the dog sulking back to check if the "master" is still upset.

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I see your point, I guess NC is really affecting me, at least when we were talking here and there I would get my 'fix' and feel okay, now i feel like Im going through a drug withdrawl , the withdrawl is all the good memories coming back to me --------- I was doing so alright, why did i wake up so F****** desperate today, dreaming about my ex really set me back I think

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Exactly!

My ex told me a couple days ago, JUST LET ME MISS YOU.

 

kinda put things in prospective.

 

your ex will not forget about you, I promise.. if this person has a genuine care for you then they will realize what they had and now it is gone...

 

Constant contact just pushes the other person away and they feel pressured.

 

I had my ex telling me this daily and still I felt the need to text him daily just so he wouldn't forget about me, and know I miss him...

 

He was annoyed, very annoyed.

 

Keep up with your NC. your doing great.

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I see your point, I guess NC is really affecting me, at least when we were talking here and there I would get my 'fix' and feel okay, now i feel like Im going through a drug withdrawl , the withdrawl is all the good memories coming back to me --------- I was doing so alright, why did i wake up so F****** desperate today, dreaming about my ex really set me back I think

 

you'll have strong moments and weak ones. It's perfectly normal. I tend to make myself feel better by reading personal improvement books.

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But will they miss u, if they are with someone else?

 

If you were good to them, how couldn't they?

 

Like in my case, I assisted the ex through a course. Fixed her car when it broke, helped her with a huge project for a class, as well as her undergrad research project. I did everything for her. Now she has all those things she has to attend to on her own (or perhaps with someone else). Now, with that being said, I doubt 1) she can handle doing those things, 2) hardly any other guy would put themselves through that.

 

So with that being said... there will be random things that remind them of you. Whether they want to or not, they will compare the new person they're with to how you would've acted in that situation.

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It is actually like an addiction. I felt empty, nervous, upset, sad, mad when I didn't talk to him.

It takes 30 days to kick a habit (advice given to me from LavenderLove) Once you get past 30 days NC you will feel a lot better.. I am not saying that you will be completely healed and moving on and happy.. (hopefully you are, but its OK if your still hurt and sad) but at least you got past the NEED to contact the other person to see how they are, to get as you put it so perfectly, your fix.

 

I changed the name of my ex in my phone to Needs Space (because he asked for space to think) so that way when I go to text him I am reminded, hey give the guy some space

 

Maybe change yours to something that better fits your situation that way you will be reminded why its better NOT to contact this person.

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I recently decided to not initiate contact with my ex in order to know whether or not he would contact me. Bar the first 2 months when I couldn't bring myself to go anywhere near him because of the fear that I would burst into tears this is the longest I've gone after making the decision to leave it up to him.

I just had to look up the organiser on my phone to see that i'm on day 31 and I have to say it started out rough and got easier every day.

Give it some time, I think it was superdave who said "If you don't do anything, you can't mess up" Be strong, you're doing really well.

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