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Does it sound like he has a problem?


LilyXX

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When my bf and I moved in together I knew I had to make some adjustments and be more neat to accomoodate him.

I have been trying to do that, mostly just to make him happy. It seems like none of my efforts are enough.

 

Just a few examples:

Sometimes I come home from work a few hours before him, I might relax a little bit have a coffee ect.. As soon as he gets home he starts tidying up, washing dishes, folding laundry.

 

It is not even messy, I did not even notice the 2 cups that are in the sink. I feel bad for him doing all the work, he even folds my laundry, and I told him many times not to bother doing that because I don’t fold anything.

 

This morning he was driving me to work, we were running late, he still had to make the bad and put away dirty clothes, that annoyed me a little bit, to be honest. “we are late, this can wait” I did not say anything.

 

Then he complained that there was my plastic bag in the den with a sweater and a few magazines in it. He said that it has been there 2 days and I still have not put it away. All that while I am running late to work. It is also worth mentioning that we hardy been home in the last two days.

 

I am wrong here?

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No you are not wrong here. You just have two people who are very different in their preferences.

 

I had to let myself be a little more lenient and my guy stepped up slightly, and together we've created a nice little balance and we are both quite happy in how the house is run and kept. But I had to make the choice and decision to stop being such a tigh a** and he in return makes a little more effort.

 

I think its time to sit down and talk about this. A little compromise is going to be needed, and he needs to know that what you are doing and that you are trying to make the effort to step it up, but in return what is he doing? Just getting on your case? Give and take a little can go a long way. Talk to him about it.

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No you are not wrong here. You just have two people who are very different in their preferences.

 

I had to let myself be a little more lenient and my guy stepped up slightly, and together we've created a nice little balance and we are both quite happy in how the house is run and kept. But I had to make the choice and decision to stop being such a tigh a** and he in return makes a little more effort.

 

I think its time to sit down and talk about this. A little compromise is going to be needed, and he needs to know that what you are doing and that you are trying to make the effort to step it up, but in return what is he doing? Just getting on your case? Give and take a little can go a long way. Talk to him about it.

 

I agree. The judge on my wedding day had one vow that he repeated over and over.

 

Communication and compromise...

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We sort of had a fight over him telling me about the bag with my sweater in it this morning. I told him that nothing I do is good enough for him, I raised my voice a little bit the next thing I know is he is accusing me of yelling at him.

 

I don't want to live my life constantly worrying about cleaning up i just can't relax this way. I already gave up having a cup of coffee in bed in he morning because he is concerned that it might spill on the carpet. (I resent that a little) I want to make him happy, but I just don't think I can measure up to his standards. He even said that there are things (mess), that he ignores. I can't even think what it is.

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I always believe in picking your battles. And I think here he needs to pick his battles wisely.

 

Instead of me getting upset that my guy dropped his jacket on the floor, I just pick it up and hang it. Sure there are time he leaves all his dirty tupperware in the sink, I can sit there and get mad at him, or just do it and move on. I make note of what I did, and he thanks me and appreciates it and next time makes note to do it himself.

 

He is being super anal about this. You're not living. You can't even enjoy where you are living because he's sailing such a tight, strict, clean ship.

 

Have you expressed how you are truly feeling? What you are giving up? Why are you giving up these things and he's not budging either?

 

He's not being very accomadating, and really..if he prefers to live this way, its best for him to find a partner that shares the same desire, because he seems like he won't compromise or let himself down just a little. And thats a shame.

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I agree with the whole "picking your battles" theory. This is just the time for him to practice that. I also think compromise is just as important. I've use to be a VERY tidy person. My husband is not. When we moved in together, I knew I was going to have to loosen up a little. At the same time, my husband was a little more conscious of pitching it. It's worked out really well. So it takes two. I think your best bet is to talk to him and let him know that you want to work with him to avoid future problems. Address it before it becomes a big issue.

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I was actually on his side of the fence with my ex and I used to get upset about it to the point that I used to be in tears from his lack of responsiveness. He genuinely didn't see the mess as being a problem and I have come to realise that if I hadn't been so uptight and had allowed him to help me more he probably would have gotten into the habit of noticing and helping.

This kind of behaviour is pretty worrying to me as in my case it was a form of control for me due to an undiagnosed case of depression. Since that time I have come out of that depression and my house is far messier than when he used to live here and I don't even notice it now.

Also I think it's important to ask whose home did you move into?

If I ever live with someone again I would prefer to go somewhere completely new as my ex moved into my home and it was incredibly difficult for us both as he felt like an interloper and I felt like my space and way of doing things was being impinged upon.

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