Jump to content

Is this part of the healing phase?


Recommended Posts

Posted a few months ago...won't delve back to that time...was very heartbroken. Now I am just plain angry...not sure if this is a good thing, a part of healing, perhaps.

 

I am a student at a medical school. Part of being in school requires me to keep full coverage insurance on myself. At the beginning of the semester, there is school insurance offered, but I waived it, as the ex promised me he would keep me on his. Once it is waived, you can not get it again until the next semester. (next Aug.)

 

I have been paying him for this monthly. A few days ago, went to fill a script, and they told me I am no longer covered by this insurance. Called the ex and he said "yeah, I took you off the insurance, you should learn how to talk to me, you don't deserve anything from me." Here is the kicker...I have been the one to be nice and talking/acting normal for our son and for my own piece of mind. He has been mean and nasty...throwing horrible things in my face, hanging up on me when I call to make arrangements re: our son, and slamming the door on me when I bring our son to his house. What the hell??? I am now plain and good old fashioned PISSED off!!!

 

HE left me for another woman, left me 2 days before the holidays got an apartment behind my back, screwed with my head by having me over all the time after he moved out, was very verbally abusive, and nasty. I have not bothered him at all, tried to be nice, and kept trying to be the bigger person. Now I have nothing but venom spewing from my mouth...and that is not me at all.

 

Now, I am soooo screwed. I can be kicked out of the program if I am not covered. (he knows this and is why he agreed to keep me covered) I cannot work, as I am at the hospital for clinical at least 45 hours a week, have no means to afford health insurance, and feel lied to and pissed all in the same!

 

So...I guess I need to let it go. I should have taken out the school offered insurance back in Jan. I didn't, hoping he would at least do this for me, as when I am done with school my son, daughter, and I will have such a nice life. It almost feels like he doesn't want me to succeed and is still trying to control me in whatever way he can. But I need to stop responding in such a hateful way...for the first time...I really do HATE him...big time.

 

Sorry so long...needed to vent I guess. In the "I hate his ass big time" mode, just don't want to camp out here I guess. Better than crying 24/7, not being able to eat, and begging and groveling I guess.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am really sorry that this guy did this to you. I dont know how people can treat other people this way, it boggles my mind consistently.

this person is a coward, he does things behind your back without actually getting the courage to talk to you about it first.. or at least let you know what is going on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You have every right to be angry and I think it is healthy that you are. I agree that letting go of the anger and resentment is good step toward healing but I also think that a lot of your anger isn't part of the normal process for healing. He seems to be trying to make you angry on purpose which, for me at least, would make the anger far more instense.

 

This is a great opputunity for you to learn tolerance, patience and assertiveness - but it will be a challenge.

 

I hope everthing works out for you

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You have a wonderful bright future ahead of you and he doesn't want you to know that or to feel that. He wants to control you and undermine you. Having said that, it's normal and natural for you to feel angry. Anybody would and should. I would advise you to stop being nice to him. I'm not saying get nasty, I'm saying keep it calm, short, and unconcerned. Not only will that get his goat that he can't get to you, but it will help you convey your disapproval of him without showing him that he has any control over how you feel. You SHOULD learn how to talk to him; talk to him like he's a minor, insignificant obstacle that you will not let stand in the way of your happiness and then treat him as such. Best!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I learned something really important - people that do what he did to you (the way he broke up with you) often can't stand to feel their guilt. So, they turn it around on the person they have so selfishly hurt.

 

This is very common. It's completely shocking when it happens. You'd think they'd be trying to make amends for being cruel, but instead, it frequently goes the opposite way.

 

It was a relief when I learned that fact. It might help you, too, because you can see, next time he does it, what a coward he really is. Not only did he sneak and lie instead of being a man about things, but now he can't handle being apologetic so he has to pretend you are a bad person, and be short-tempered with you. It's not about YOU at all, it's all about him, ALL about him. All the time.

 

This insurance thing is just so wrong and mean, too.

 

Do you have to have really good coverage? Maybe you can get a policy that's got a huge deductible??

Link to comment
Share on other sites

quite simply put...what a knob!!!

 

he is abusive and is trying to control you and undermine you and stuff things up fo you for his own benefit.

 

I would seek help from a tutor/mentor and explain the situation...under these circumstances they should waive the strict insurance rules...if they do not say ok fine, can i go back a year ?? this might sound harsh but it might get them to bend the rules and failing that you have jus regained your control back...an extra year in med school REALLY is worth it in the bigger picture of him not having his control over you anymore

 

i would also see if you can get your own public liability insurance elsewhere too

 

you have a right to be pissed but you have to keep telling yourself you will jump this hurdle

 

as for the contacts regarding your son, im having this prob with my ex ex...its ALL saved and printed, so i would only contact him via email - so when he blocks you or gets nasty about it, you jus print it and show the court. I personally tho think God has handed you a great blessing to you and your son and took him out of your lives. Let him make arrangements about your son (via emails again) and if he breaks his promises, again you can use this to prove you are not guilty of PAS (parent alienation syndrome) a common fave of abusers where their spouse has denied access to protect their children

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Working on the insurance issue...it is probably going to be for the best anyway...he will have nothing to hold over/control me with. It is just another little set back.

 

Thank you all for the responses and validating what I already know about him and offering opinions about why he acts the way he does. Yes, I do agree...quite a "knob." LOL, that made me laugh.

 

I still hate him with every fiber of my being, but, this too shall pass...just not today.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nice one hun!

 

Seperating crap things like this and dealing with them yourself is your sure fire way of getting yourself back on track. You shouldn't have been surprised he did this because as the other good people have said, it is just something else he can try and rile you with. But not any more, eh?! A knob with no knob, as Bridget said!!

 

Hope you get your insurance sorted.

 

Mark

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is the kind of person that karma will take care of...might take a while but trust me on this one Try not to laugh too hard when it happens. lol.

 

Do the best you can with the insurance situation and get on with moving on and enjoying your life free of such a horribly mean person.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...