Jump to content

Interesting night


Recommended Posts

Sooooo, tonight after work I hung out with a bunch of coworkers and had a lot of fun. One guy in particular I hadn't really met before was kind of cute and we talked a lot, so driving home I couldn't stop thinking about him. I decided to get on facebook and check him out. And, my ex's name popped up on a comment on someone's newsfeed and I clicked on his name. Interesting stuff-he had been tagged in some pictures and a couple had a girl in them who he was giving a side hug to in a few. He was smiling really big. So I checked out this girl more-I saw she recently added all his family members as friends, they had commented back and forth to each other and apparently went out tonight into the city.

 

I don't know what I feel. I was actually missing him tonight before I went out with friends and had really wanted to text him, but stopped myself because I know I can't get over him if I keep contacting him. I'm not crying (yet), but my stomach dropped a bit, if you know what I mean.

 

I guess I'll be doing NC for a while, huh? This sucks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

NC helps a lot with the healing process in a break up, especially when there is someone else involved.

 

Try to focus on the happiness you felt when you were out with your friends/coworkers..

and maybe make that a weekly or bi-weekly thing.. the more you occupy yourself with friends, hobbies, and what not the more you are likely to phase him out all together.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well thankfully I just got done working a 57 hour work week, so if nothing else I had that to distract me. And yeah, I have more plans with coworkers coming up. But I haven't cried this much for months...it's scary. I hate that I can't get over him. And even when I do feel like I'm "moving on" or whatever, I feel like crap because I WANT to still love him.

 

I emailed a bunch of friends and family about what I've been feeling and what I'm going through...their responses have been so caring and understanding and have been so good to read. I really think I'm going to start some counseling, because obviously this break-up is bringing up a lot of past hurts that I need to deal with too.

 

My dad divorced my mom 6 years ago-the week after I turned 18. The whole mess happened just as I was going to prom and graduating, but it felt like my whole family could care less because they were all focused on that. I barely see or talk to my dad anymore, he's an alcoholic and doesn't seem very capable of deep relationships. I dunno, I think having my ex leave me must have triggered that same sense of abandonment in me. And not only my dad, but other people who so easily walked out of my life. So yeah, counseling sounds like a good idea right about now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I barely see or talk to my dad anymore, he's an alcoholic and doesn't seem very capable of deep relationships. I dunno, I think having my ex leave me must have triggered that same sense of abandonment in me. And not only my dad, but other people who so easily walked out of my life. So yeah, counseling sounds like a good idea right about now.

 

This is common in children of alcoholics as is being attached to emotionally unavailable people.

 

I recommend a book called "Journey from abandoment to healing." People with abandoment issues have a tougher time moving on than the average person.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you...I bought a bunch of books Sunday that I'm planning to read, a couple were written by widows and also one called "A Dad Shaped Hole in my Heart." I'm checking out that book on Amazon right now and will also order it.

 

A few weeks ago I found out about a concert in our city and invited a bunch of friends who like this artists to come, and also invited my ex because he loves her. And he texted me today to say that he managed to get out of a practice tonight so he's definitely coming. Great... So it's going to be him, his sister, a few of his sister's friends from college, me, and 2 other guys who are also really good friends with all of us. I'm nervous about seeing him, I want to have fun and not breakdown. I can't exactly un-invite him or not go, I mean I was the one of that organized this whole thing because I really wanted to see her and at the time things were really cool between us. But now I'm scare that I might run into this new girl...I have no idea what's going on between them and don't want to know. All I know is that I saw she commented on his sister's wall and her thumbnail pic was the one of her with my ex. I'm also probably going to run into him on Sunday, the group we were both in is coming to the area and I'm guessing he'll show up at that show too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Okay, so I survived this week and feel like I did pretty good. The day of the concert was awful-I called two different friends bawling right before I left and eventually calmed down. I made sure I looked hot by the way. I drove into the city and just as I was parking my ex called to say that he and his roommate were in line and where to find them. I found them and we ended up chatting and I breathed a sigh of relief that I wasn't feeling as emotional. A couple other friends joined us and I felt much, much better. Things were going well until one of the guys went "So, ex, how's your friend *loser other girl's name*? You know, *girl's name*? Haha I couldn't help but smile when he did it because it was so awkward! My ex just said "not here." in a very annoyed voice. Anyway, I felt kind of crappy at the same time and kind of got quiet for a bit, but my ex seemed to notice and started joking with me a few minutes later. This was all happening as we were waiting in line for the concert for about 45 minutes. Overall though, it really was a fun night. I ran into lots of friends and had fun being goofy with my ex and other friends. He was texting a lot though, and I actually texted him myself to point this out, and he seemed to put his phone away for a bit. The second most awkward part of the night was singing along to the closing song by the artist. It's a great song, called "Maybe."

 

I don't wanna be the first to let it go

But I know, I know, I know

If you have the last hands that I want to hold

Then I know I've got to let them go

 

I still feel you on right side of the bed

And I still feel you in the blankets pulled over my head

But I'm gonna wash away

Oh, I'm gonna wash away everything 'till you come home to me

 

Because maybe in the future

You're gonna come back

You're gonna come back around

Maybe in the future

You're gonna come back

You're gonna come back

Oh the only way to really know is to really let it go

Maybe you're gonna come back

You're gonna come back

You're gonna come back

 

Great song to sing along with while standing next to your ex.

 

So that was Tuesday, this morning I drove to see the group we both used to be in at a church show. I sat with one of my really good friends and her parents, and as I was chatting with them, my ex came in. He had this strange, surprised look on his face. I guess he wasn't expecting to see me there? But anyway, he came and sat with us. We talked A LOT. The whole show he kept leaning over to comment on things and was asking about my week. Afterwards, we stood and talked for a good 15 minutes. He told me about a really long rehearsal he had had the day before and some good news with that. Then I told him I was planning to go see a play that afternoon if he wanted he could come along. He got excited and said "really?? what time?" But when I told him he said he had another rehearsal started then so he wouldn't be able to come but asked if we could go another day this week. I said sure, we could try. Then he said he should probably leave, and gave me a hug!! That's our first real hug in over 4 months! Well, he ended up chatting with other people and then since the church was going to have a meal, he decided to stay. We sat together at the meal with our friends and had fun telling stories from when we were in the group. The best part was I haven't seen these friends since New Years and they all kept commenting on how I look really good and like I've lost weight and how beautiful I was. Which is exactly why they're my friends, haha.

 

So anyway, both times that I saw him this week went well and I feel like I handled them the best that I possibly could. Plus, now we don't have any more social events (at least that I know of yet) where I'll be forced to run into him like this until May. That feels really good, to know I can completely avoid him if I wish and not have to watch him get closer to this other girl, if that happens. I can just gracefully bow out if I wish.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...