Why waiting for a proposal?

[hexaemeron]

...and you don't think a guy worries about rejection? How many youtubes are there of gents making amazing gestures only to be told no? I don't think it's fair to assume it's the always the man's responsibility because "it always has been". Lots of traditions evolve to meet the beliefs of the present and I think this is definitely a needed one.

[petite]

...and you don't think a guy worries about rejection? How many youtubes are there of gents making amazing gestures only to be told no? I don't think it's fair to assume it's the always the man's responsibility because "it always has been". Lots of traditions evolve to meet the beliefs of the present and I think this is definitely a needed one.

 

I'm sure he does. I really don't care about how many "youtubes" there are. I don't want it just because of a tradition, I want it because that's how I want it, like it and wont have it otherwise. I am worth it and if someone thinks I'm not well they can go on their merry way.

[hexaemeron]

I'm sure he does. I really don't care about how many "youtubes" there are. I don't want it just because of a tradition, I want it because that's how I want it, like it and wont have it otherwise. I am worth it and if someone thinks I'm not well they can go on their merry way.

 

Best of luck with that. - Entitlement is attractive to a lot of people.

[petite]

Best of luck with that. - Entitlement is attractive to a lot of people.

 

It's not really about what you or anyone else thinks. It's about the fact that some people just want something's one particular way. Attractive to one person or not. Most heterosexual relationships are like this where a woman wants the man to propose.

[hexaemeron]

It's not really about what you or anyone else thinks. It's about the fact that some people just want something's one particular way. Attractive to one person or not. Most heterosexual relationships are like this where a woman wants the man to propose.

 

Sure. But just because something always has been a certain way, that doesn't mean it's right or fair. Lots of things were a certain way oweing to tradition that weren't fair and we're still working on a lot of them today. You are 100% entitled to feel as entitled to whatever you want, no matter how ridiculous and double standarded it might be seen by others. That's just how I choose to see it and I'm entitled to that.

[lilypadgirl]

Actually, most of the couples I know in real life, it happened that way for them too. They were already "engaged" before the guy officially proposed. They had discussed engagement, marriage, and goals and timeline.

[Firiel]

I don't want it just because of a tradition, I want it because that's how I want it, like it and wont have it otherwise. I am worth it and if someone thinks I'm not well they can go on their merry way.

 

Really? So if your mother had proposed to your father, and each of their mothers had proposed to their fathers, and in fact, 99% of women proposed to men instead of vice versa, you'd still want the guy to get down on one knee?

 

Just went and watched some YouTube rejection vidoes... ouch. That's why you talk about this kind of thing beforehand!

[_Asti_]

The only reason I haven't proposed to my guy, [and it was brought up one night in our many discussions..] was I told him he knew I was ready for the next step, and when he was ready the proposal would happen.

 

So for me, if I went ahead and proposed, he'd say yes because he wouldn't want to reject the proposal, but still wouldn't feel ready. I wouldn't want to 'force' him out of obligation to be ready for that next step..as thats how I would see it and do see it. If he was ready, he'd do it. So I knew he wasn't, so I'm not about to 'make him ready'

 

He knew/knows where I stand, and I knew with time and as he acheived certain things that made him more comfortable as a person, as a man, that he would also feel ready and actually take that next step to popping the question, when HE was ready.

 

I wanted to make sure we were BOTH ready. And all that was needed was just a little more time, I was more than glad to be patient, and I knew his 'excuses' for waiting a little longer were totally legit and not just blowing air to not get married, so I waited for him to be ready, and there's been lots of talk and discussion and we're both ready and we both have said we are ready to take this step, and we're out shopping for a ring together.

 

The whole reason why I wouldn't pop the question is because of how he feels. In his books, its the guy who asks the girls. So yes, tradition plays a big part in it. I could certainly do fine without an engagement ring, as we have our time line set for a wedding, we have everything essentially picked out and planned roughly and know when and where we're getting married...we've had many discussions over the years and have been very open, and he just wants the 'formality' of things put into place, and wants the proposal and engagement. In my books, its him letting me know he is ready as well. I'm not going to take that away from him, and really..I'm not complaining either.

 

And looking back, me popping the question when he wasn't ready probably wouldn't have been a great thing. Looking back to then, and looking at the position we are in now..two totally different scenarios, and its absolutely beautiful and amazing seeing him soooo excited and happy and really into taking this next step. I wanted BOTH of us to be happy, and both of us 100% sure we were ready for it together.

[velvette]

actually in my case it's the opposite way around. I'd love to propose, but my guy would have none of it. he wants to be ~the man~ and surprise me somehow. but then we both already thought we'd be getting married from day 1 of dating, so that changes things.

 

WHEN is not really a question - sometime after school, when we're both able to support ourselves. HOW is what he wants to plan, even though he's not usually very traditional. and I'll let him only because I love him -- otherwise I'd do it because I love planning surprises!

[girlfriday]

I don't know the cases for some women. It's hard to say how realistically women actually believe in perfect fairytales or romance. I think most women HOPE for it and seek for it in the small things their men do for them. In saying so, they tend to believe that if marriage is the man's idea than it most be because he can't live without her. This may or may not be true in some cases. Some men are pressured into societal expectations of marriage and some men are pressured simply by their nagging GFs.

 

In my case, my bf was the first one to tell me how he felt about marriage. He made it clear that I was the only person he ever thought of lifelong commitment to and that he wanted to live a life with me in it always. Did I expect him to propose to me asap? No. Did I hope it a little bit? Maybe. While I feel the same about him and I have no expectation of a formal fancy romantic proposal the fact that he will show his commitment instead of telling me means more. The fact that some men will talk about it and do it years and years later is unfair.

[annie24]

i think some women also wait for a proposal because if you ask the man, then you don't get a diamond ring from him.

[hexaemeron]

i think some women also wait for a proposal because if you ask the man, then you don't get a diamond ring from him.

 

Yeah, who cares about an enriching, lifetime committment when compared to RINGBLING?!

 

ugh, lol.

[Parsley]

I agree with what many other people have said, that the idea of a "ball and chain" is bandied about just as much as anything else. It's a joke isn't it, I know that (well, for the most part!) yet still I would have a niggling doubt.

 

Bringing up the idea of marriage for this discussion (instead of a proposal) could be just as hard for women, for the same reason that they may not want to propose. Rejection. What if she wants to have a discussion about how she is ready to commit to him forever...and he doesn't say it back? I know that it's just as likely that a woman will not want to marry him, but I feel that because of the way we are brought up to be ok and fine with discussing marriage when it may not be on the cards makes it less likely that she would be caught completely off guard.

 

Let me make myself clearer. I would like to marry my boyfriend one day, but I am in no way ready for it, and he is DEFINITELY not ready for it, and I'm not even sure if he wants to marry me. I am happy to talk about marriage and weddings because they are just something that I like, like I like going for a nice meal, or a night out with my friends. My brother recently got engaged and I was showing my friends their venue online the other night, three girls, whilst my bf and his friend were in the room playing xbox. We were cooing over how beautiful the place was, what lovely things you could do with it, talking about the kinds of things we would like at our dream weddings. The boys immediately started talking about running away and gagging us and whatnot. It's the way things are - I am perfectly happy to talk about marriage in general, whereas my boyfriend will clam up. Even if I am discussing my brother's impending marriage, he will clam up because he thinks that's what I am expecting any day now, because he thinks me talking about a wedding is me saying MARRY ME!!!

 

When I get that response talking about someone elses wedding (note, not marriage, their WEDDING) how comfortable am I going to feel being able to bring up our own marriage at some point? As certain as I may be that I want to be with him, I know I'll always have that nugget of doubt that means I won't say anything. I will need him to be able to talk to me about marriage, then I may propose, it's not what I've dreamt of, but I wouldn't put it completely out of the picture.

 

As sad as it may be, I think for a lot of people this is just the way round it has to be, and it sucks, I completely agree. I don't WANT it to be that way, but there's nothing I can do about it. And this isn't just my relationship perhaps just being a bit rubbish, we live with another couple who are SO happy, and in the same boat. I have countless friends in relationships with this exact dynamic.