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Should I finally cut the tie with my family


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The first time I ever attempted suicide was during my senior year in high school. I had my first boyfriend at the time who my parents hated, because they thought he was from a different race hence not good enough for me. My younger brother then became the little spy telling my parents everything I did in school. They locked me in the house after school and listened to all my phone calls during the time we were sort of dating. I felt hopeless. I couldn't be a normal teenager like my friends. I couldn't go to prom nor any activity. I tired to kill myself but luckily I was rescued. During the time I was in the hospital recovering, my mother told me to lie to the doctors in the hospital that I felt fine and wouldn't attempt anything to harm myself again, otherwise they would lock me up in a metal hospital and my future would be destroyed.

I was completely controlled by my parents and my younger brother was more than happy to help them.

 

My life was normal again when I went to college and started a life in another city.

 

15 years later, I had my first child. I started to talk to my mother more frequently at first, but instead of encouragements for a new mother, I got asked CONSTANTLY:

"Are you teaching your child?? I don't know how devious he would become if you don't teach him. He would be just as bad as you..." I felt worthless again, just like how I felt when I was 18. I was constantly told I was not good enough and ugly.

I tried to ask my mother not to say things like this, but what I got was an angry hung-up on the other side.

 

(I was also constantly beaten and punished prior to 15 years old due to grades, but strangely I don't remember my brother getting punished. I remember one time my mother beat me using a wire hanger and she ordered me to wear long pants the next day to cover them up and told me not to show my legs to anyone else because other people would just laugh at me. )

 

 

 

 

I have not talked to my mother (or my family for almost a year.) Within a month we stopped talking on the phone I sometimes got angry messages from her in my machine. There was one day she called 20 times from 6AM to midnight. I did not respond.

 

I got the news that my parents have moved to where my younger brother lives, from a very short email my dad sent me recently because I had to forward him an email from my aunt. I was wondering if I have never forwarded him that email, I would have never been told where they live? Maybe this is their way to tell me that I have been cut off from the family... Maybe this is a passive revenge from them because themselves were cut off from part of their own family (my dad's side).

 

I sometimes miss the rare times that we all got along. I know I am not nearly a disappointment in other people's eyes, however, my family constantly puts me down and steps on me.

 

 

 

Any book I can read to help me getting through this?

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To hear your side of the story, and if I were in your shoes, I would probably just not have much to do with them. If all they can do is bring you down, then associating with them is much worse than the alternative. I'm sorry you're going through this. Leave them in the background. You have your own family to focus on raising now.

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Thank you ...

To hear your side of the story, and if I were in your shoes, I would probably just not have much to do with them. If all they can do is bring you down, then associating with them is much worse than the alternative. I'm sorry you're going through this. Leave them in the background. You have your own family to focus on raising now.
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I was reading this book on Amazon after your recommendation. I am going to get it. Thank you

Hi actuarymum - I am sorry about everything that happened to you, there is a book that might help called "Toxic parents" by Susan Forward - hope this is of use to you and wishing you the best of luck - Eclipse
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