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Why is my mom doing this? Does she hate me?


Niinjaa

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Hello, everyone. This may be a fairly long post, so please bear with me.

 

My mom has always been a tad bit...not abusive, really, but she's always had a bit of a temper. She would yell at me for a lot of things, for as long as I can remember--when I was 4 (my brother was 3) he got extremely muddy from playing in front of our apartment. I was the one who got yelled at. I'm not saying she was a bad person. She was a single mom with two children, and worked two jobs to keep us fed. Her anger just tended to overflow onto me, the oldest. She went through many abusive relationships, and even though they never layer a hand on me, I was once again the one to get yelled at. Recently, my mom remarried to a wonderful man. We were happy for years--not a perfect family, but nobodys family is. Several months ago, however, the yelling started up again. I attributed it to pregnancy hormones, but then she had the baby a couple months ago, and it continues still. I'm constantly berated and screamed at for everything, and my stepdad does nothing except occassionally help with the screaming. Just a couple days ago, in fact, my mom came in my room (where I'd gone to get away from her) and spent about an hour telling me how I'm just a terrible person, I'm selfish, disrespectful, and a huge disappointment (please keep in mind that I've never touched alcohol, tried drugs, or had sex, and I make As and Bs in school), nobody in my family likes me, and that she's seriously considering sending me to live with my biological dad. She claims that I have nothing to be upset about--I have a laptop, cellphone, and iPod. She just doesn't get it. And my dad recently told me, basically, that I'm not allowed to tell them when they hurt me. I can't stand living here anymore--I spend all of my time in my room (and I mean literally all. I'm in here from the moment I get home until dinner, then afterwards, I'm back in here for the night, except my shower).

 

Unfortunately, I can't get away. I'm only 15, so I can't just leave. I won't live with my biological father--he's an abusive, drunken no-good bum who lives in rat-infested houses, rarely works, has no car, or liscence for that matter, and who I haven't seen for years. And I can't get emancipated, because I'm not old enough, can't financially support myself, and have no solid reason (I'm not being physically abused, etc). So what do I do?? I'm so close to just running away. I spend all day crying in my room. I'm never good enough for anyone, and my family obviously thinks I'm some sort of monster. Help, please. I'm desperate!!

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I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time. Being a teenager is hard and though I haven't been on yet I suspect that being the parent of a teenager is just as hard. I really doubt your mother hates you she is juat unfortuantely misplacing her anger.

 

Do you have grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins god parents anyone who might let you stay with them just for a while? If there aren't any other options have you thought of talking to your school counselor? They may have some options or information that could help you.

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I've tried speaking with counselours before, but my mom always says it's not worth her money and I'm getting nowhere, and takes me out. I don't really know my school counselour, and I'm not super-comfortable with her. My family all lives about 45 minutes away, and I would hate to ask them to drive me to school daily--besides, my grandmother works and my aunt has 2 kids if her own totals care of. So I'm kind of stuck at home, where I'm never good enough. If I get one B, the As don't matter--I just get an hour-long lecture about the B, and how I'm going to be a failure, I'm a disappointment, etc. I get all As, and they want me to have all 100s. It's impossible to please them.

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Is your Spring Break soon? Certainly see if you can go visit a family member and at least get out for a week. Maybe that will make you feel a little better....then maybe you could spend the summer with someone....maybe your aunt would welcome your help with her little ones over the summer? Running away is not the answer but maybe getting some space for everyone involved would help.

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Our spring break should be coming up in a few weeks, actually. I may see if anyone has some time off work, and I could stay with them, or even just find a friend. Unfortunately, my aunt is angry with me right now, because my mom told her I was yelling at her 6-year-old when she stayed the night over the weekend (all I did was tell her that if she wasn't feeling well, she should go tell my mom. She refused, and exxaggerated to my mom, who blew it even MORE out of proportion to my aunt). But my grandmother, or visiting a friend...that'd be great. I'll definitely look into that. I wish there was a more long-term solution, but this may help at least temporarily.

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No, this is abuse. It's not always violent.

 

How long until you can realistically get out?

Well, I'm a sophomore in highschool, soon to be a junior, so about 2 and 1/2 years. I plan on going to college out-of-state (either Illinois or California) with a friend in a similar situation.

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Wow, your mom sounds like a total b***h. If you're being truthful about how you behave and interact in the world (and I have no reason to believe otherwise), she has no idea what a bright, sensitive, well-behaved child she has. It mostly sounds like she's grown to resent being a mother at all. You were the firstborn, so in her mind, you're the reason she had to grow up, you're the reason she had to likely give up her own dreams to be a single mother, and now she's taking all of that out on you. She needs to get a kick in the trou from reality.

 

At this point, it doesn't sound like you have that much to lose. I'd write her a letter and be as descriptive, honest and open as you possibly can be about what she does and says affects you and let her know, you're doing everything you can to be a good child.

 

Failing that, I'd honestly seek emancipation anyway. If it's any consolation, from what little you've written here, I think you sound like an AWESOME kid and I hope what I've wrote helps you in some way.

 

-hex

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That's the odd thing, actually--she always WANTED to be a mother. She intended fully to get pregnant. It was her dream in life. My brother was an accident, and my new (2-month-old) baby sister was attempted through years of IVF, Invetro, etc. I wouldn't say I'm the most perfect person ever--I'll admit I have talked back a few times in my life, but so has every teenager, and it's not like I've ever told her "I hate you", "Get out of my life", cussed her out, or anything of that nature. Unfortunately, I can't seek emancipation, as you have to be at least 16 or 17 where I live, be either married/in the military/living on your own/prove it would be in your best interest, and prove that you're financially stable (I don't even have a job, since my mom won't let me get one). Thank you, though. You've definitely helped, as have everyone else that's answered, and I appreciate it. I just may try your letter idea, as well, although with my stepdad saying I'm not allowed to tell them when they hurt me, it's kind of a scary idea.

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Wow...sounds like for one reason or another she resents you. Which is bizarre as you sound like a very bright, mature 15-year old. But yes, this is abuse as it is obviously effecting your mental and emotional well-being. I really hope you can get away for your spring break and maybe confide in your grandmother in a way that doesn't sound like a melodramatic teen (which you don't sound like at all, it's just the way a lot of people interpret the real problems of teenagers).

 

My thoughts are with you hun, all the best xo

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Wow...sounds like for one reason or another she resents you. Which is bizarre as you sound like a very bright, mature 15-year old. But yes, this is abuse as it is obviously effecting your mental and emotional well-being. I really hope you can get away for your spring break and maybe confide in your grandmother in a way that doesn't sound like a melodramatic teen (which you don't sound like at all, it's just the way a lot of people interpret the real problems of teenagers).

 

My thoughts are with you hun, all the best xo

Thanks. She just seems to think everything is my fault. She treats me like this, and then makes me feel guilty for going out-of-state for college. She pulls the whole 'so you're just going to leave your baby sister here and never see her?' card, which she knows really affects me, because I've always wanted to be a big sister. But at this point, there's not much I can do. I hope I can stay with my grandma--I love spending time with her--but I'm not sure how much she can be trusted in terms of not meddling, etc. I'll give it my best shot, though.

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  • 1 month later...

My mother, never got a complete education, i did.

she never married who she wanted to marry.

maybe i will.

she watched me frm the top to the bottom, the talke behind my back.

she knew it hurted me.

I'm failing my grades, i'm in pain.

she' s driving me to failing, she saw me handling pills, and she watched me frm the top tp the bottom, entering the bathroom door.

she knew, but she didn't rry to stop me.

she tried to kill me out of jealousy.

the worst part i loved her, and i hate her now.

i don't know why i am sharing this with strangers. but people need to know.

You are not alone.

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