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Guys-Insulted if I Bring Facewash/Chapstick?


WomanWriter

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Guys (women can answer too)---Would you feel insulted if I was your girlfriend and I brought over some facial scrub and chapstick for a night (movie/dinner) in with you?

 

My boyfriend is cute and I don't say anything much anymore about how he dresses. As long as he's clean, I don't fuss. But he often comments on my clothes and asks me to wear certain things for him (dresses). I don't mind doing this and sometimes ask him to wear a nice shirt, etc. for me, which he will ocassionally do as well. So no problems there.

 

He says he showers about every other day generally, so he doesn't really smell that bad...but his face has a lot of bumps, dead skin hanging from it, and blackheads. His teeth are also very dirty and he has bad breath (I gave him some mints when he came over and he didn't seem insulted...it was more like, "hey I'm having a mint. Want one? Here, I have a bunch of packs. Take it."

 

So would it be too much, guys---to give you some face scrub that I just had "lying around" (I honestly do) and some chapstick? How should I approach this without hurting your feelings? My bf knows that my ex used to get on me about my own hygiene, so he might be wary.

 

I come over tonight and give you the face scrub and ask if we can take a shower together so I can scrub your face and make you all fresh. Turn off or turn on?

 

P.S. He asked me to cut his hair tonight as well. I'm a bit nervous as I have only trimmed and styled it. Now he wants me to cut it short with the clippers (I don't care for short hair but I will do it because he wants it like that and was just keeping it longer for me). Since I am cutting his hair, I can make it a make-over night, maybe...or is that a turn off to a man?

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I come over tonight and give you the face scrub and ask if we can take a shower together so I can scrub your face and make you all fresh. Turn off or turn on?

 

I'm not a guy, but that seems a little transparent to me. I think it's going to be pretty clear to him you're trying to improve his hygiene. (If a guy in a new relationship did this to me, I'd be both offended and hurt and definitely not turned on.)

 

I would only ever give him a face wash if he complained about having trouble with his skin - I would say, oh I have this great wash that works a treat, I'll bring it over. But that's it.

 

In a long-term relationship, if I had been with the guy for a long time, I might buy him a product and give it to him telling him it might help with his sensitive skin, but in such a fresh one, no way!

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LOL so you can scrub his face for him?.. that made me laugh for some reason..

 

I think its better to talk about it first, I mean I don't even think there is an easy way to do that without hurting the persons feelings just a little.. I guess you can imagine how he will react because you know him, do you really think he won't be insulted by that?

 

You could shower together, scrub your own face and offer him some.

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he only showers every other day? ew.

 

if he has half a brain he isn't gonna believe that phony, "i just happened to have this lying around the house and thought i would bring it to you."

 

if his hygiene bothers you, say something. you don't have to be rude or anything, but there's no other way around, besides just putting up with it.

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Hm yes I would be insulted. Then again I wouldn't need it cause I already do that stuff myself. I'm with Scorpion Fury here. Who only showers every other day? That's nasty. I shower at least every day... twice if I just worked out or if I'm going out. I don't know if there is much you can do to get him to improve his Hygiene. Usually that is something people are going to have to want to fix themselves...

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This is a hard situation to be in because you do not want to hurt his feelings.

 

I believe that good hygiene AND excersize routines are very important in relationships because they keep both parties in the relationship confident and loving. I would have a VERY hard time dating a woman with bad breath because I am a huge kisser. I get so turned off if my significant other has bad breath or tries to have sex with me after a long day and no shower. I just don't like smelling their bacteria when I am trying t be intimate with them. It is GROSS!

 

I think that you should tell him that you do not want to offend him but you have noticed that his breath is often pretty bad and his face is oily. Offer him the cleaning products and tell him that you are just trying to help him out because you care for him. No matter what, he will be a little hurt and or embarrased but you shouldn't have to constantly deal with his bad breath and lack of personal hygiene.

 

Good luck with this one. I would probably just try to find someone else that showers every day but thats just me. yikes...

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I would not try to "Mother" him, he's an adult. If I wasn't happy about his hygiene, or the way he dresses, I would then make a choice on whether I would stay with him. And, if I felt the need to change him into someone that he isn't, I would move on.

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Hm yes I would be insulted. Then again I wouldn't need it cause I already do that stuff myself. I'm with Scorpion Fury here. Who only showers every other day? That's nasty. I shower at least every day... twice if I just worked out or if I'm going out. I don't know if there is much you can do to get him to improve his Hygiene. Usually that is something people are going to have to want to fix themselves...

 

Yeah, I thought it was weird when he said he usually showers every other day (sometimes less). I told him my mom showers twice a day and I shower 1-2 times a day as well. He thought that was a lot. The worst part is that he has a blue-collar/hands-on job, so he gets dirty at work and is pretty filthy. The thing I don't get is that he hates having facial hair for more than one day and is adamant about shaving it off. He also always wants his hair trimmed and prefers not to have it too long. I wish it was the other way around and that he focused more on his body hygiene instead, but I guess I can accept it. He doesn't completely gross me out anymore because I love him. He does wear deoderant (and cologne), but his skin really needs work. I want to approach it in a loving way.

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Loving someone is accepting them for exactly how they are. You are trying to change him. Big no-no. But asking him to shower before you come over and are intimate is a favor and he should not have a problem doing that.

 

I would just be careful, because you are starting to take over the "mother" role. If he wants face scrub, he'll buy some. You can give it to him as a gift and he will either use it and be grateful or chuck it in the trash.

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We've been official for 2 months, dating for 3, known each other for about 4-5. But we moved a bit fast (the fastest I've ever done). We hang out quite a lot and have talked about some really personal/serious things. We've also already exchanged "I love yous" (not something I would normally want to do, but it happened).

 

So...I think he basically does trust me. Things have been better between us lately just because we have been getting to know each other better and I have been working on baggage/trust issues from my past.

 

I have kinda hinted about it before and he didn't take it bad, but I like your idea, Greywolf--about just commenting, not suggesting. Since I'll be cutting his hair, he'll need to shower anyway, so I'll ask if I can join him (he likes that) and then I can scrub his face without saying anything (and make it sensual)...then comment on how his face looks really healthy afterwards.

 

But I will see how his general demeanor is tonight and if he's stressed from work, I'll leave it alone...but I see a good opportunity since I'll be cutting his hair and he'll need to clean off the hair in the shower...

I wont focus on his face, but just incorporate that into pampering him with the haircut, shower, etc.

 

Would that be better, you think?

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And you can say something like..

 

"Hun, I think you are so sexy but when you are fresh out of the shower... I can not keep my hands off of you!, you just smell so good it makes me wet!"

 

I think any man would be taking 12 showers a day if you rocked his world good enough after he takes a shower. Make it his reward for showering lol.

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yes, i agree. i don't know how she even got past the 1st date with this dude!!! i sure wouldn't have.

 

and yes, i had exes comment on my acne when i was younger. it did emotionally hurt me. my skin is better now. of course, i do take good care of it. i don't know what his problem with his skin is, but the most important first step is that HE wants to fix it himself. he may need to consult a dermatologist if it is as out of control as you say it is. and a dentist as well.

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Yes, I can see this scenerio working. Make it about touching each other and being intimate without actually having sex. get him squeaky clean then pounce on him!

 

i know i am such a negative nancy here - but how the hell is this going to work? neither wants to have sex again until marriage, and now they're going to hop in the shower together and lather up..... no sex!??? i mean, that sounds too tempting and dangerous, imho.

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i know i am such a negative nancy here - but how the hell is this going to work? neither wants to have sex again until marriage, and now they're going to hop in the shower together and lather up..... no sex!??? i mean, that sounds too tempting and dangerous, imho.

 

Well, we managed so far...lol (we have taken a shower together already, but no sex yet). He says it's fun to "tease" each other, so I know he will be down for it...and we can always make out, even so.

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I think it all comes down to how you position it.

 

While I agree that it's never a good idea to try to force someone to change, there's also nothing wrong with trying to encourage someone to improve. It's easy to get into certain habits that we really should change but don't.

 

I would try to approach it positively. Perhaps something like "Honey, I think you're a beautiful person, which is why I think you could benefit from taking care of yourself a little better. Trying this facial scrub/bath wash/etc for the next month or so--I use it and it has worked wonders for me too".

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i think i would be climbing the walls by that point!!!

 

Me too.

 

I find taking a shower with a guy very erotic and a BIG turn on.

 

But I agree with the others, if you do it in a way (bring it up), that doesn't make it seem like you are trying to "mother" him, he would probably take it ok, and the shower thing seems like a great way to segue into getting him clean.

 

BTW, if you don't mind me asking, are you adamant about not having sex with him until marriage, and he feels the same? Because with showering together too much, it could lead to frustration AND something happening that you guys might not want to happen. Sometimes our sexual desires CAN lead us astray.

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Me too.

 

I find taking a shower with a guy very erotic and a BIG turn on.

 

But I agree with the others, if you do it in a way (bring it up), that doesn't make it seem like you are trying to "mother" him, he would probably take it ok, and the shower thing seems like a great way to segue into getting him clean.

 

BTW, if you don't mind me asking, are you adamant about not having sex with him until marriage, and he feels the same? Because with showering together too much, it could lead to frustration AND something happening that you guys might not want to happen. Sometimes our sexual desires CAN lead us astray.

 

If I got to the point of showering together lol.. I know myself very well, and if it was up to me I would not be walking out of there without sex lol...

 

I can control myself in normal situations... but damn... that is... too much temptation.

 

I advise against it if you guys don't want that to happen yet.

 

Now about his hygiene. I really think that you should talk seriously and sincerely with him. That is unless you plan on being on a relationship with him for years on end and come to accept that he is not going to change and be happy about it.

 

I don't really see any way in which you can be happy in this relationship unless you either change the way you view his hygiene (doesn't impress me either in the least bit), or him changing his habits. Because overtime when the whole lovey dovey few beginning months pass away these types of things are gonna begin to get on your nerves.

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This is a funny thread, I'm sorry but between the make-over and annie climbing the walls, Lol

 

I think it's great that you are making improvements in his Hygene, I'm sure he doesnt mind and appreciate all you do for him... you go girl!!

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If my fiancee had a problem with my hygiene I'd want her to just tell me straight. No need to be rude about it, but a totally direct approach would suit me best. Little hints and so forth ... that would irritate the hell out of me when I realized what was going on.

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