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Got back together but not 100%?


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Hello everyone,

 

I haven't seen this type of situation talked about here but it's what I'm going through right now. So here is my story...

 

About a year ago my girlfriend broke up with me after I asked for space. I had a lot of issues I was dealing with and pushed her away only realizing I didn't want to lose her. But it was too late. I tried to get her back but she wouldn't. Shortly after she started dating someone else. From that point on I left her alone and tried to use "no contact" so I could get over her. She wanted to be friends and kept contacting me even after I told her not too.

 

As things would happen just after New Years she contacted me again. This time she said I was right about that new guy and she got played for a fool. She told me things like she never got over me and she still loved me. We started talking again, and she told me all the bad things this guy did to her.

 

I decided to give us another chance. But as we started to hang out more, she said her head was a mess and that we should just take it day by day. As things progressed we acted like a couple again seeing each other and talking everyday exactly how we were when we were boyfriend and girlfriend. But sometimes she would mention that she still has a wall up, that it will take time, and that she doesn't know what she wants right now.

 

Things didn't seem right to me and using very poor judgement I looked at her phone text messages and saw she was still talking to the other guy and apparently she is still seeing him. I know I shouldnt have but I just had a feeling something wasn't right and now I dont know what to do. After all the things she said he did, I can't believe she's even talking to him at all!

 

I want to be with this girl 100%, I love her. I was so happy when we started seeing eachother again I got caught up in the moment and wasn't thinking. But I dont want to push her and I don't think it would be right to confront her about who's she seeing because I agreed to "taking it day by day." I think I made the mistake of accepting this in the beginning and now I'm going to get hurt because of it.

 

How, if any way do I make this known to her? How do I make a stand for what I want without giving her an ultimatum? Should I tell her we shouldn't hangout anymore until she knows what she wants? Should I stick it out and swallow my feelings and see if she comes around?

 

The way things are now hurts almost worse than being broken up!

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God damn!! This is the third thread I read with this scenario!!! Is there something in te water that women are just turning evil?!

 

Here's my suggestion uts the same I gave to the other guy... She dated and u didn't if I where u I would take a break and date other girls and see where that goes becuase she dated this guy and u never expeienced that...

Obviously she's confused and this is only wasting your time ...I fear for me

becaue i think pretty soon I'll be in the same situation

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If you are 100% sure you want to be with her, then be with her. But only if she is willing to work it out with you. Confidence in a relationship can go a long way. She may not be confident, but if she is willing to try her best, then its worth another shot. She obviously needs to stop talking to her abusive ex, so you will probably have to confront her about that. If you can tell he's on her mind a lot, then thats probably a good time to say something.

My girlfriend and I are kind of taking a break because I needed space. I guess I'm just wondering if time apart can really help out a relationship? What were your reasons for needing space? Now that you have space, do you feel like you can be with her forever? (if shes willing to do the same)

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This sounds like what happened to me almost 2 years ago and I can tell you it’s not going to go well for you. This is actually typical behavior, she had a blowup with the new guy and ran to you for a shoulder to cry on and to boost her ego but deep down she’s not interested in being with you right now. Because the new guy is still new and in the honeymoon phase she will be more forgiving of him as she is still addicted to the relationship.

 

She’s going to dump you again, no doubt. The best thing to do is beat her to the punch and walk away or else you will look like a chump when she up and leaves and you try to tell her to stay. She may resist if you do dump her and tell you she’ll stop talking to him but she’ll just say that out of desperation and still end up doing it behind your back. Until she is completely over the other guy you will never have her 100%.

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Thanks for all your responses. Seems like most of you think the relationship is doomed. In case it matters, we were together for a year and a half and were apart for about 9 months. I am 38 and she is 26.

 

I just got the vibe that something was up. I can't really explain how, but maybe from her vague answers she would give me when I asked her certain things.

 

The text messages said things like "I miss you" and "I wanna see you" and others were about meeting up. I dont really know who texted who first, it seemed to be lots of conversations.

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Seems like you need to get your facts straight before you decide what to do. People do have contact after they break up (as everyone on this forum can attest!). Was she the one saying she missed him, or the other way around? Could you possibly ask her about this other guy in a neutral way, to see what she has to say about it? If I were you, I'd want to find out what she's thinking, rather than assume the worst motives. If you can ask in a neutral way that doesn't put her on the defensive, she might actually tell you the truth.

 

Do the two of you have a commitment at this point?

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Seems like you need to get your facts straight before you decide what to do. People do have contact after they break up (as everyone on this forum can attest!). Was she the one saying she missed him, or the other way around? Could you possibly ask her about this other guy in a neutral way, to see what she has to say about it? If I were you, I'd want to find out what she's thinking, rather than assume the worst motives. If you can ask in a neutral way that doesn't put her on the defensive, she might actually tell you the truth.

 

Do the two of you have a commitment at this point?

 

I agree. Maybe the abusive ex is trying to snake his way into her heart (and pants) again. Don't assume anything. It's dangerous to do so.

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I'd tell her I was getting strange vibe lately and ask her what's up. Remember you know !!!NOTHING!!! about them talking to each other. Her response may tell you something. Anyways, don't think you can do much, let it unfold. She ran back to you so continue to be your best self.

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