Jump to content

Fighting With Mom


chrisWIP

Recommended Posts

Is it normal for sons to fight with their mothers when they are becoming truly independent?

 

I feel like my mom still has a need to mother me, and it makes me extremely uncomfortable... and when I tell her that how she's treating me makes me agitated or uncomfortable it always becomes a big thing with her crying and telling me that I'm "always pissed off at her" when in fact I'm not pissed but frustrated that she doesn't seem to want to relate to me in any other way but "Mommy and Son"...

 

And then I feel guilty.

 

So is this common or what?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think it's hard for a mother to make the transition from parent to more of a friend, which (IMO) is ultimately what you want to happen as you become an independent adult. A friend who is there for you when you need them and to give you advice.

 

I would just give her some time to get used to you not needing her in that respect. Be kind though, this is hard for her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It depends on the personality of the mother, I suspect. For example, I've had more of "friendly" kind of relationship with my parents ever since the age of 16/17. But I was a very well-behaved kid growing up and never really needed heavy parenting. I think it was a natural progression.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's kind of weird, actually, that your mother cries about this to you. That is, IMO, a sign of HER issues and an attempt at manipulation. In fact, you mention guilt. So it works.

 

Time to distance yourself from the guilt trips. Just keep repeating to her 'mom, I'm an adult now and I have to do things my way' and if she pulls out the tears just say 'I'm walking away cos I don't want to have this conversation any more.'

 

It's hard to give up your kid, but she'll have to learn it some day. May as well be today.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know if it's gone too far or not, but every time I talk to her it feels like constant mothering, constant suggestions and supervision.

 

She doesn't drop the mother role and it wears me thin. I'm very frustrated.

 

She has hobbies, but she's always been someone prone to depression and laziness, and while I love her she'd much rather wile away her time watching TV

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe you need to stop visiting often. Maybe a monthly lunch trip or something to show that you love her.

 

I agree keep telling her that you are an adult, you have your own life to live, you will make all decisions that pertain to your life. You could go on to say although I appreciate your advice I would rather do it my way.

 

I also agree that this could be her own personality traits coming out, if it gets to bad maybe suggest something about that to.

 

Your mom is your mom, shes never going to stop giving advice, or complaints. Can you let it go in one ear and out the other?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Try to be less frustrated when you talk to her. I know it's frustrating but she's your mother and she loves you, and it's hard to let go. I'm 26 and my mom still likes to mother me sometimes. Don't get mad or yell. Just say, "Mom, I'm still your son, but I'm a big boy now. I can take care of myself, and have been doing it successfully for quite some time now." She's always going to worry about you and want to give you advice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...