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Should I be invited?


niceandslow

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I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. Next month, his good friend is getting married in New Orleans. My boyfriend is a groomsmen in the wedding. He has known about this since last spring when his friend got engaged. He got the save the date last summer, and he just got the invitation a few weeks ago. On the invitation, it says and guest.

 

Should I be invited as his guest to the wedding? We have been together for awhile,I don't know why he wouldn't invite me. I asked him who he was going to take as his guest, and he said who would I take? And I told him...umm, me. He told me I would have to pay for my own flight, and I was fine with that. But he hasn't said anything else about it.

 

I am upset he never really asked me to go. What should I say?

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Yup. They live out in California, and we live on the East Coast. But when they come back to visit, we have hung out a few times.

 

Has he ever been "out" with you amongst his friends and family at large at an event like this? Maybe he's just nervous... because you know how weddings can be. Everyone and his mother will be asking him (and you).. SO WHEN ARE YOU TWO GOING TO GET MARRIED???

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Well.. there are two ways to look at it. If he is in the wedding party - he will be busy. He will not be at your side. WHen my brother was the best man, he didn't have a girlfriend come because she would be sitting alone the whole time. If the married person was a close friend of both of yours and you knew the rest of the gang very well so would have fun socializing with friends who weren't in the wedding party it may be different. Otherwise you will be sitting with a bunch of people you don't know, twiddling your thumbs. So, if you do not go, don't take it personally. He could also just be doing an "in and out" - fly in the day or two before and fly out the day after.

 

It sounds like he would be okay with you going - its not like he is inviting someone else, but do you REALLY want to go and spend your money on this or do you want to save it for when someone closer gets married or a trip where you really can spend time together? When someone is in a wedding party - it is usually a frantic rush. They are running last minute to get this or that, to wrangle people up and the like. If it were a family wedding, I would say go for sure, but for friends like this - its a toss up.

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Are you upset because the invite wasn't to "BF and niceandslow?". If so, you're reading too much into it. Just because you've hung out with the groom a 'couple of times", doesn't mean he is fully aware of the state of your relationship at any given time.. You and BF could break up tomorrow, for all he knows...it's a common practice to write "and guest" unless/until the couple are engaged, living together or married (take your pick)

 

If you are upset that he didn't specifically ASK you. Again, perhaps you are reading too much into it. After 3 years, he could have assumed it was implied, he could have been afraid you'd expect him to pay, he could have been unsure as to whether or not you'd actually WANT to go, when he is going to be busy most of the time, so thought he'd wait for you to take the lead...

 

In any event- He's invited, you're welcome to be his +1 if you are so inclined, and you're happy to pay your own way...where's the problem here?

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Yeah, he should have invited you. I would just tell him hey, I'm happy to pay for my ticket if you want me to come with you to the wedding. If he seems weird about it, I wouldn't push it, but yes, it's strange that he didn't ask you in the first place.

 

When my boyfriend gets wedding invites it is addressed to me as well, not even a +1.

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I don't care about my name not being on the invitation. It is the fact that he has not invited me to go with him. When I asked him about it, he wasn't really inviting me to go along. I guess I am upset because I feel he is ashamed to bring me along as his girlfriend. The fact that he said, "who would I invite?" It makes me feel like he never even considered asking me. I've tried to bring it up again but he always skirts around the issue.

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i wonder, as another poster says, since he is in the wedding if he will be too busy to hang out with you? you wouldn't even be sitting at the same table as him. you might be wandering around by yourself.

 

but still, after 3 years together, he could have asked. or at least told you that he didn't think you'd have fun knowing no one there and sitting by yourself. then again, i have gone to many weddings single and still had fun (but yeah, i did know people there).

 

hmmm..... aside from this issue, how is your relationship?

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you said, 'well me' and he said you have to pay for your own flight and you said you were cool with that. what more is he supposed to say?

 

maybe ask him what dress you think he should wear because you'd like to watch the theme/colors of the wedding. see what he says.

 

i wouldn't act like he dogged you out on this just yet. he might be under the impression you are going as you simply agreed about paying your own way.

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