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a break can sometimes be the best thing for a relationship


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Hello everyone,

 

I know that a lot of times the break-up feels hopeless. Sometimes there just needs to be a well needed break. A break gives you time to work on yourself individually and allow each other time to heal.

 

if you had an experience where the break was a good thing (for the relationship or not) post it here.

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i get your point. it is an opportunity to sit back and evaluate yourself and use it to your advantage to work out the glitches in your personality, however, i have to say that i believe in most cases

 

break = relationship over

 

so if you are looking at it in terms of a wake up call and making changes, yes it is good. if you are looking at it in terms of i'll get my act together then my ex and i can get back together and have a great relationship, it's not such a good thing.

 

it also gives both you and that other person time to realize that there is life without you, and they just may prefer it that way. at least, that was the case for me and a few friend's relationships that i know of. i have been on both sides of the fence.

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It's so hard to realize if it's a good thing or not. Our situation was he initially wanted some space and a break, I wasn't feeling it and felt he would just end it in the end and begged/pleaded for him to not leave. Well that dragged on for a while, while it was dragging on I feel his feelings changed dramatically, he resented me more and actually stopped loving me which in turn just made things worse. It went from wanting a break to braking up to him now hating me.

 

Do breaks work? I'm sure they do in some cases, all you need to do is read a few threads here and see it is possible but there are equally as many posters that have had the opposite.

Lucy is an example; she gave her guy 3 months worth of space, I believe she only sent one email to him ( I think she said it in one of her posts) in that time and he still did not feel the need to contact her or come back.

 

I on the other hand have been the crazy ex and still nothing.

No matter which path you choose there is a big chance of them not coming back and leaves you thinking should I have contacted him and tried harder or should I have let them be and not tried and they'd be back? Seems like luck of the draw. Never know what you will get.

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A break as opposed to actually staying committed to one another and working

on the issues together that created the need for a break in the first place?

 

Breaks for the most part are BS. I don't know about the rest of you but I'm looking for a partner that will stick by me and not get going when the going gets tough.

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i understand the bolded part completely. when i finally accepted "defeat" i beat myself up over this for another couple months...what could i have done differently? i'm convinced now, that nothing i did or did not do would have changed the outcome.

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A break as opposed to actually staying committed to one another and working

on the issues together that created the need for a break in the first place?

 

Breaks for the most part are BS. I don't know about the rest of you but I'm looking for a partner that will stick by me and not get going when the going gets tough.

 

i also agree with this. this is TRUE heart committment.

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Its just a sad time when one person is at the point where they have no fight left to save a relationship. And its final when the other person loses the will to fight also.

 

3x I had my heart broken by the same girl, the first 2x i fought, i begged grovelled and now im not proud of that. This time... I have no fight left.

 

Communication is the key, but its too late towards the end.

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Me and my ex split up after a year together. 6 weeks of NC later we got back together and it was absolute bliss, we moved in together and got engaged. 8 months before our wedding we split up for good. I wish we had never got back together the first time because it feels like I wasted 4 years of my life with someone I shouldn't have been with.

 

So to me, it's called a break up because it's broken.

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Me and my ex split up after a year together. 6 weeks of NC later we got back together and it was absolute bliss, we moved in together and got engaged. 8 months before our wedding we split up for good. I wish we had never got back together the first time because it feels like I wasted 4 years of my life with someone I shouldn't have been with.

 

I agree, 99% of the time if he/she breaks up with you, if you get back together... more times then not its going to fail. its just hard to accept and at the time getting back is better then being lonely.

 

The question I ask everyone is, and im in the same boat... if your ex came back saying they had changed and missed you terribly... would you take them back? they would have to have done some serious thinking about what was making them unhappy in the first place to go back down that road.

 

Acceptance is the key. Where to from there, I dont have the answers...

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My boyfriend dumped me three weeks ago, today we are having lunch

 

I think the whole breaking up and getting back together is all dependent on fait and the people involved.

 

Sometimes if there are problems early on in the relationship its good to take a step back and review the issues... take some time to be sure this is what you want.

 

I think if you let something go and it comes back it is meant to be yours.. even if its not forever.. that person is in your life for a reason..a season, or a lifetime.

 

Idk if we will get back together.. Idk that if we do it will be eternal happiness, but I know the experiences I had and will have with this person will be something I can take with me as an experience, and has enabled me to grow as a person.

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A break as opposed to actually staying committed to one another and working

on the issues together that created the need for a break in the first place?

 

Breaks for the most part are BS. I don't know about the rest of you but I'm looking for a partner that will stick by me and not get going when the going gets tough.

I couldn't agree more!

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In general I'm inclined to agree with Misskitty. I do see that there can be occassions when people need to get their heads together or aren't sure about where things are heading etc etc. But it depends what happens on the break, how the other person was broken up with, wether they broke up with you because they felt they wanted to 'experience' other people, whether they left you to see if they could make thiings happen with someone else. i can think of more but I won't type them all out. Under certain circumstances, a break may make you stronger but in many cases, it just breaks you.

Very true. Sadly, in my experience, "taking a break" usually = " I want to see other people and see where it goes."

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