Exes rebound sent me a friend request! Why? What would you do?

[LoveSoDeep]

Now this isn't just some rebound it's basically a GIGS rebound. We were together almost 3 years and living together at the time. She worked with him and had to know he had a gf (everyone at his work knew). I don't know who started it but I do know she sent him inappropriate text messages on several occasions. So basically she knowingly tried to steal him from me, and somehow it worked.

 

After he left me he started seeing her but they were very on and off, which is not like him at all. The whole thing was packed with drama.

 

He has continued to stay in almost constant contact with me since we broke up (over a year ago now) not only by phone and text but seeing me at least once a week. Sometimes we are just friends and I assume this is when he's seeing her again and sometimes when they fight it's like we are back together again.

 

He has told her that I am his best friend that he will not stop talking to me and/or seeing me and she just needs to accept it. He told her if she makes him choose she will lose. I would consider getting back together with hima nd he has told me he hasn't ruled that option out but he just doesn't know right now. However if he is seeing her then I'm fine with being just friends.

 

I have absolutley no desire to be her friend....as I see it she's a homewrecker. She knew my bf was with me and selfishly decided to disrespect me and our relationship and go after him anyway...and I can't respect anyone who would do that. I would never do that.

 

Two questions:

 

Why would she all the sudden want to be my FB friend?

 

I want to send her a response telling her exaclty why I am going to ignore her request (something along the lines of that last paragraph above)...any advice on this? Why or why not?

[blitzkrieged]

she wants to be your stalkbook friend because she can probably keep tabs on you while proving to your ex that she wont make him choose?

i personally wouldnt say anything back... its alot worse when your imagination starts making up stuff that the other person might be thinking. I think she'll get the point.

[annie24]

weird!!!! i wonder if she wants to be your 'friend' so that she can see what her boyfriend is writing on your wall, see your photos, etc.... i don't think it's so much of a real friend request so much as it is to 'keep tabs' on you.

 

i wouldn't even write back. i mean, anyone with 2 brain cells can figure out why you don't want to be her friend!!!

[butterfly0424]

WOW! Your situation is almost like mine. He left for a family friend who knew were together and had a baby. Even the friend situation is the same. He told his girl that we were going to be friends and he is going to spend time with me and our daughter and she could get over it. They are constantly fighting because she wont give him space. I guess that's what happens when you start a relationship they way they did.

 

I think she knows when he calls me. It seems everytime we are talking she beeps in and he has to go so a fight wont start.

 

Anyways, my point is I would deny her friend request. I did. She has no need to know whats going on in your life. She just wants to keep tabs on your ex.

[BobbyC]

That's very strange. Have you ever met her? I would agree it sounds like she wants to keep tabs on you. If I were in your position, I wouldn't agree to be her friend. You could always accept her as a friend and then block her though. She would never know.

[Rotxsen]

I would probably accept it but ... I'll make sure what I say around my friends like well show her you living a better life then her with friends that love you etc etc flirt around a few friends maybe she will use that against you but that will show your ex that well you are open for everyone who's willing to take your heart if it makes sense.

[LoveSoDeep]

Yes, you're probably right...she wants to keep tabs on me and my ex through my FB. My ex has recently changed his FB so that no one can see anything except his status updates, no one can post on his wall and all of his pictures are hidden. So the only thing she sees is (is exactly what I see) his profile pic his stsus updates which are rare and meaningless and when he adds a new friend (although he did all of those things last week adding a few friends that are female....one is a mutual friend of ours an older second mother type and the other is an old HS buddy).

 

No, I have never met her. Back in Nov. my ex told me she was planning a party for his b-day and wanted to invite me b/c she knew we were friends but she was scared to meet me b/c she thought I might beat her up...Now this is ridiculous! Especially since she has since punched a mutual friend of my exes and mine in the face while on a drunken bender. My ex has told me that she is insecure about me b/c she thinks I'm smarter than her, perttier than her, more talented than her and I just have my life together more than her and he actually said he "doesn't have the heart to tell her she's right." Plus I don't even know if he's actually even seeing her now....they are so on and off it's not even funny.

 

The reason I want to respond to her is b/c she's young and she just doesn't get it. She's over 10 years younger than my ex and I and I think she needs to see that her actions have consequences....you can't treat people like this and expect them to be okay with it.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sometimes we are just friends and I assume this is when he's seeing her again and sometimes when they fight it's like we are back together again.

 

I have no idea why both you want to have anything to do with HIM! He is the lunatic in this situation, playing both women off on each other, bouncing back and forth between both of you, keeping both of you hopefull, having one foot with each of you and making it clear to each of you that he wants both women he has slept with in his life so that he has options if one relationship or the other isn't working out for a period of time. She may be a homewrecker, but HE allowed the home to be wrecked and is quite happily keeping both women on a string for his amusement. You don't have to be friends with her, but I would also look very carefully at the character of the man you want to keep in your life.

[iBroken]

I would certainly not respond to her or accept the invite.

 

Is your ex aware that she is adding your on FB?

[LoveSoDeep]

Is your ex aware that she is adding your on FB?

 

This is another good question. I don't think he is. Should I ask him "why woiuld *** be sending me a FB friend request?"

[banju]

Don't accept request, she is kidding herself if she genuinely wants to be friends. She is just a snoop, nosey parker and she wants to pry into your life. See if your life is more attractive than hers. She is probably feeling a little on the insecure side due to you being 'friends' with the ex and wants to find out why he still wants to be in your life.

 

I'd ask her why? Sure she has a useless reason.

[iBroken]

Most definitely ask him why she is adding you - see what he has to say.

 

But dont add her regardless LOL

[LoveSoDeep]

Yeah I have no intention to add her.

 

I was hoping I would hear from my ex today so we could set up a time this weekend to catch up (which is what we normally do) and I figured I'd just mention it then very casually....but I haven't heard from him today at all. It's actually really odd. Yesterday I didn't hear from him either but I was busy and its not like we talk every day. Last week I didn't text him one day and he was worried I was upset with him. So now either he forgot his phone today or he's ignoring me. He has never ignored me before.

[AlphaFemme]

Is there a 3rd girl involved? She's known about you... and didn't contact before. But now he limits what both of you can see? Hmmm...

[coyote1980]

Why would she all the sudden want to be my FB friend?

 

(Just my guess)Checking to see if your ex is contacting you? Jealous of you etc.

Either way, I wouldn't add her if I were you.

 

I want to send her a response telling her exaclty why I am going to ignore her request (something along the lines of that last paragraph above)...any advice on this? Why or why not?

 

No. No response will make her more wondering about stuff.

Plus, she could msg you first right?

[LoveSoDeep]

@ AlphaFemme - I never thought of that...I guess it's possible. He changed his FB I would say like 5 weeks ago but at that point his friends could still see his pictures then about 3 weeks ago he hid all the pictures too, but not just from me or her, from everyone. He didn't like that people could stalk him on FB so he decided to quit sharing...which is fine b/c he and I usually text, call or occasionally e-mail. So I didn't feel left out when he changed it...maybe she did. And yes she's known about me all along and I've always had my FB set so that anyone can send me a message. Once she commented on a photo I posted of my dog and my exes dog together...just saying it was cute...I got sick of seeing her name and picture everytime I saw that photo so I deleted her comment.

 

@ coyote1980 - Agreed she probably wants to see if he posts on my wall or anything like that. He doesn't just b/c he's not big on FB in general...and b/c he's rather text. If she really wants to see if he contact me she would sneak a peak at his phone and oh boy would she get an eyefull then!

 

Yes she can message me anytime...trust me if she wanted to contact me she could. beside a FB mesage....I help a friend with a local non-profit and if you google my name you get the website and there's a link to my e-mail there....I've been tracked down that way more than once.

 

Well, he is not ignoring me...I just got a text saying he was sleeping (oops)! Apparently he has to work nights for few days, which isn't uncommon for him...I feel bad for waking him up but I didn't know.

 

I think letting her wonder for a while is a good idea. While I was on (before I checked my friend requests) I changed my profile pic so if she's observant at all she'll know I've logged on since she sent me the request and have done nothing.

[annie24]

do you still have feelings for your ex?

[LoveSoDeep]

do you still have feelings for your ex?

 

Yes, I do and I think I always will.

 

This doesn't mean I would do anything to get him back but if he did want a new realtionship with me I would consider working on one. I know this will sound cheesey but if you watched the final episode of The Bachelor this week...that's how I feel like the girl who he didn't propose to...and if he can explain to me or I can see that he truly is happy with someone else I know I will be happy for him...with this particular girl I just don't fell like he's truly happy...they fight and break up all the time.

 

Right now I have no reason to believe he is with her... on a level that would be more than just friends as he hasn't told me otherwise, but I do know he still talks to her. I have asked him before if he was seeing her when I got the feeling he might be b/c I don't want to be that girl and get in between them....no matter how much I dislike her I will not stoop to that level. The last time I asked was maybe a month ago and he said they were just friends and he was helping her through rehab and that's all.