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My wifes parents and her 30 year old brother just recently moved in with us and I HATE it to the point that I would rather travel 3.5 weeks per month for work. I love my wife, my kids, and my wifes mother. BUT I really dislike her father because he is a very bad example for my kids and always negative. a year ago we discovered that he has been cheating on my wifes mother for years and that his always yell at her for no apparent reason. He does not speak english at all and when somethign happens, he calls her on the phone, yell at her for a few and then has her translate for him over the phone. As for her Brother, he is almost 30 years old, with no college education and no job. he has always been living with his parents and they are paying for all of his expenses. If somethign bad happens, he just call the paretns and they come rushing in to help him. Afterwards, je does the same thing again..


Well, my in-laws recently lost their job and they are ALL now living with us. I don't mind her mother moving in with us but as for her dad and brother, I just can't stand them. I don't want my kids to think that it's ok to be 30 years old with no education and your parents will take care of you. And it's ok to yell at your mother because your uncle and his father yells at your grandma.


I have always been taught to work hard, if you fail, get up and don't quit. but when I see my wifes family, I wish I was never married to her.


What do I do, I want them to move out of my house so I can have a family. I don't want m family to be like theirs...

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First, talk to your wife to form a united front. You need to convince her that something needs to be done. Try to determine your ideal, and various fall-back degrees of "acceptable" during the negotiations.


Once united, you both talk to her parents (and brother at the same time, ideally). This is where your negotiation skills will be tested.


Some tips:

- Try to see things from their point of view (they are likely pretty bummed about having lost their independence)

- Ask for things that are reasonable/possible that they might be ok with

- Set timelines/milestones.. don't let them become complacent to the current situation

- Try to maintain compassion and understanding, as they will be more likely to want to work WITH you than against you... but maintain that you will not be walked over


I suppose I'm assuming everyone feels this is temporary.. right? Reinforce the parameters/definition of what makes it temporary, and communicate it to them.

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I'm assuming that you have spoken at length with your wife about this issue? It's something you need to tip toe around, however, as you are talking about her family and this may cause a level of strain between you and her should you push too hard in a particular fashion.


In saying that, it is your house and should be your rules. They need to understand that you will not be paying for all of their expense, food etc, and that you would prefer the move in to be a limited time until things sort out and they can find their own accomodations.


Again, it is a hard situation, and something you need to be rather tactful when dealing with, but you are right, you need to ensure you have the right environment to raise your kids and you need to be extra stringent when it comes to teaching them the rights and the wrongs.


Good luck.

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