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The Accidental Contact: Are they reaching?


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So there are two parts to this.

 

Have you ever tried to make contacting your ex look like an accident to prod them to call you? Or, has your ex done this to you?

 

AND

 

Is this what my ex is doing? I'd love to get opinions on my situation.

 

MY BRIEF STORY:

 

Okay, so I've been NC for almost 4 months (together for 1 year).

 

I haven't told my story on here, but let's just say I was pretty much the dumpee.

 

She said I broke her heart and she needed space. I moved out and chased after her for about a month. The more I chased and begged the further she got from me. I NC'd her for 3 days during this time and she freaked. I told her I needed space too. The second to the last night I would ever see her again, she texted me saying she was hurting terribly and that she cared for me deeply. I replied the next day reflecting the same sentiments.

 

Well, the very next night she sees me out with a friendgirl of mine (my ex was with her sister at the same bar). It was innocent, but she may not have seen it that way. She was definitely upset, but kept a cool composure. My friendgirl told me that she could tell my ex was not out of love with me.

 

So, after the night ended I called her and asked her if she wanted me to pursue "us" anymore. She said she wanted us to be friends and respect each other. I took this as an ambiguous answer and...

 

...the last words I said to her were "You are the love of my life." From that point on it was hard-core NC.

 

Now, considering all the basics; we were madly in love, we talked about kids, we talked about marriage, soul-mates, etc., I've been keeping tabs of strange forms of contacts from her over the last 4 months.

 

I'd like to get your thoughts on whether I'm imagining this crap or there is some validity to them. Either way, I know it doesn't matter unless she makes a real, valid reach, but it was something I thought would be interesting to discuss (ok, and obsess about).

 

Here they are:

 

Nov. 13th - Last time we ever saw each other.

 

Nov. 17th - "Blocked" call comes in. Rare that I get these on my personal cell, but I didn't answer it. Thought it was peculiar. No message. Thought very little of it, until...

 

Nov. 23rd - "Blocked" call comes in, but I answer it this time. I can hear the person fumbling to hang up the phone. Could be a wrong number, but it really felt to me this person did not want me to know who it was and was surprised I answered.

 

Dec. 10th - I get on to Twitter for the first time in about 6 wks and all the sudden I'm seeing messages on Twitter only I would understand that she's posting...personal things that no one who followed her would get, but me. She noticed I had logged on since we both follow one another. I know, not true NC, but after Dec. 16th, I stopped logging onto twitter.

 

Dec. 16th - Another Twitter message only I would understand. Now, they aren't direct, but certainly ways of trying to provoke me.

 

Dec. 23rd - Not a reach on her part, but I sent her a x-mas card just saying merry x-mas and miss you guys (her and her son). No response

 

Jan. 16th - 2 phone calls from her number (I'd taken her name out of my phone). They are 5 minutes apart and they both go to voicemail. It appears she "purse-dialed" me. I could hear her and a guy (friend, rebound? not sure) talking. Sounded as if they were in a car talking about random stuff.

 

Feb. 14th - I get a Facebook Friend Request "Reminder" from her. Now, I have gotten these in the past from people, but maybe a small handful since I've been on FB. When we broke up, she defriended me. Now, I know that these things can be automated or accidental, but it's ironic that it just so happened to be my birthday too.

 

Feb. 18th - "Blocked" call comes in...I can hear them fumbling again to hang up.

 

Feb. 22nd - "Blocked" call comes in again. I answer and they hang up fast.

 

March 1st - Another "Friend Request Reminder" from her. A little over two weeks later.

 

So that brings it up to date.

 

So, I'm wondering two things:

 

1) What types of reaches like these have you gotten from your ex, especially if they were the dumper?

 

2) Have you ever made 'accidental' contacts? If so, what did you do?

 

3) Is my situation purely coincidental or is there something fishy going on here?

 

I know I'm crazy to think about these things, but I am not interested in contacting her, unless she makes a legit reach.

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I did make accidental contact once with my ex - but it was deliberate. I dialed his phone just to see if he would answer as when he left me he left with no warning and only his sister answered his phone. It was different as we were married so I deserved contact to find out what the heck that was all about but didn't get that courtesy.

 

I think you could possibly be reading into Twitter messages. I would unfollow her on Twitter and I would press "ignore" on the friend request - or is it the one that brings up friends you have in common with people? At any rate, block her or leave her alone. now.

 

As far as purse dialing - I have been purse dialed before - but are you sure it was her? She COULD have called you to just hear your voice on your outgoing message but she also could have accidentally dialed your number out of habit. I guess i am saying that she could be doing it deliberately, but I think your best bet is to not contact her at ALL and don't read into anything unless there is meaningful and direct contact.

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I accidentally contacted my ex before. It was truly accidental, and it kind of made me look like an ass. That said, all this "accidental" stuff you're talking about sounds like nothing at all. If she really wanted to hear for you then you'd know it. She'd contact you.

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I have accidently contacted an ex before. I was drunk and sending a text to my brother, who has the same first initial as my ex. As I sas tipsy, I accidently put in my exes name as it was directly above my brother's in my contact list. I noticed, and when attepting to delete, accidently sent a blank text. He probably thought it was me reaching out or trying to initiate contact. I deleted his number to avoid further mistakes.

 

My recent ex sent me several texts the other night accusing me of driving by his house?!? I had not done so, and I drive a work vehicle which is pretty distintive. I don't see how he could have made that mistake, and wonder if he was trying to provoke me. I didn't respond.

 

I think the facebook friending reminder comes automatically and it not genrerated by the person. I unfriended a co-worker who was caught stealing from my company, and apparently facebook sent her something reminding her to friend me, I know because she replied angrily.

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btw, my ex wrote me once saying "is that you who sent me that message?" I didn't. I don't know what he was talking about and i didn't respond. But I think that was sort of him thinking I accidentally tried to contact him at that point

 

So, maybe he was pulling a fast one on you?

 

As far as the whole "reminder" friend request thing. It wasn't a 'suggestion.' I just found it ironic that it happened on my b-day. I get that they can be automated tho...just weird I get it from her on my b-day and then another this past Monday. I've gotten maybe one or two in maybe a year from other people, but who the hell knows.

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I accidentally contacted my ex before. It was truly accidental, and it kind of made me look like an ass. That said, all this "accidental" stuff you're talking about sounds like nothing at all. If she really wanted to hear for you then you'd know it. She'd contact you.

 

I do understand jettison. I just find some of these a tad ironic and I did fall off the face of the planet, so yes, they are not real reaches and yes, if she was dying to talk to me, she would just call me. BUT, there is a reason why I don't contact her...because, I can't open myself to the pain again and I don't want to risk knowing what is going on in her world. Could it be possible that she's thinking the same thing? She wants to know how I was able to just walk away? So she makes subtle reaches towards me, in hopes that I will respond?

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I accidentally contacted my ex before. It was truly accidental, and it kind of made me look like an ass. That said, all this "accidental" stuff you're talking about sounds like nothing at all. If she really wanted to hear for you then you'd know it. She'd contact you.

 

Yeah, I had this happened to me as well. One was a accidental text message (He NEVER accidentally text message me while we were dating.), and another was a blocked phone call.

 

Made him look a bit crazy, to be honest.

 

I suppose I need to work multiple quotes.

 

Yeah, that's another reason why I do nothing. If she is in fact doing this on purpose then that's reason enough to stay away. But, I love this damn girl...uggh.

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  • 1 year later...

I know this is an old post but I did truly contact my ex by accident. I was trying to message a friend of mine who was doing a followup to the minor surgery she had. Her number and name was right above my ex and I sent the message to the ex. When the ex responded I realized what I had done. This was after 230 consecutive days of complete NC.

 

I was surprised the ex responded and I was angry at myself for breaking NC.

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Unless someone has half a brain they always see thru these accidental contacts. If u must make contact, be honest.

 

Also, unless someone makes actual contact with u and declares their presence known I would not read too much into the 'almost' contact times. Almost does not count, remember that Brandy song? Also when we are broken, we read too much into everything. U could end up being very disappointed that none of those likely scenarios were actually true

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I think that accidental texts are indeed a reach. sure they can happen honestly but not likely that they just so happened to be texting someone that was near you and just so happened to hit your name on accident.

 

In fact my ex "accidentaly" texted me and immediately followed with "fark that was meant for (guy with same first name)" as if the excuse was already planned .

 

then if there was any doubt in my mind of the nature of that text that same night she played a ton of mind games out at the club....and as butterfly put .. these are so easy to see honestly if youre a dumper just be straight up

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I think accidental texts can indeed happen and I have an alarming story to illustrate: My chum was very drunk and decided to send a nude photograph of herself to her husband. Her husband's name is Dan. In her drunken haze, she sent the photo to... "DAD"

 

Clearly that was an accident, no doubt what so ever!!

 

 

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