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How to reduce her fear about losing friendship?


Vince99

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Is there anything a guy can do to alleviate a girl's fear that starting a relationship with you might ruin your friendship? Even if there is a small chance that it might actually get ruined if things went south, is there anything you can do to make her think it will be ok?

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There isn't a small chance that things will get ruined if the relationship goes south but more like a big chance. Given that this is reality, there isn't really much that can be said or done to remove her fears. Why would you want to convince a girl of that when it's probably a false outcome?

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Lie.

 

If you get in a relationship with someone, the chances are you will not be able to go back to being friends when it fails, unless you are two very exceptional people.

 

Is she refusing to get into a relationship, or being hesitant, because she says she is worried about losing you as a friend? That sets off alarm bells for me - if you find someone attractive enough, you are more excited about being with them romantically than worrying about what might happen if it doesn't work out. If she's finding excuses not to go out with you then she might not be that into you.

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Lie.

 

If you get in a relationship with someone, the chances are you will not be able to go back to being friends when it fails, unless you are two very exceptional people.

 

We are. It wouldn't happen to us. But it's not even an issue because I know the relationship would work.

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yes, obviously i have to wait until shes moved on and over him.

Lol, well be prepared to wait through her getting interested in other guys, and then eventually telling you that she doesn't see you in a romantic way. This happens so many times it's a cliche.

Is there anything a guy can do to alleviate a girl's fear that starting a relationship with you might ruin your friendship? Even if there is a small chance that it might actually get ruined if things went south, is there anything you can do to make her think it will be ok?

Yup, you tell the girl "Who cares about a friendship? I'm here to explore something that could be a once in a lifetime experience, the thing that we're all here on this earth searching for, and the risk is definitely worth it. And if you're smart, you'd agree

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"I fear this will ruin our friendship" is code for "It's been pretty nice hangin' out with someone who is obviously so attracted to me, but I'm not all that attracted to you. If I tell you that I value our friendship to much to be with you, maybe you will just agree with my sentiment because you think I'm so awesome, will follow my lead, and I won't have to break your heart. If you push me, however, I will likely have to make up some follow-up lies to suit the occasion."

 

If someone is really into you, it doesn't matter at all that you're friends. One way or another, they will just find a way to take off their clothes in front of you, they will manage a way to get your clothes off simultaneously, and then, quite miraculously, you will end up rubbing your naughtly bits all over each other, sometimes sighing, and sometimes laughing. If that doesn't somehow "just happen" then your relationship with this person probably isn't going to "just happen" either.

 

You two are friends in my humble opinion.

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She's already said she may be open to going out with me. But not before she's over her ex.

 

The question at hand is how do I get around one issue that will inevitably come up: the possibility of losing the friendship.

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I have to agree with everything Jettison said. She likes you enough to hang out with you, but not enough to be with you. Like I said before - if someone is genuinely attracted to you in a romantic way then the fact that you're already friends is a bonus, not something holding you back.

 

This is an excuse so that she doesn't have to outright reject you and lose your friendship that way.

 

Also - if I met someone I was really crazy about, I wouldn't worry about things like 'am I 100% over my ex?' for very long. My ex can still upset me sometimes with things he does, but that doesn't mean I love my boyfriend any less. People jump in to things before they're fully healed all the time, if such a thing even exists, and I think new relationships can often help put the final nail in the coffin of the last one.

 

She is giving you lots of very plausible excuses, but excuses is all they are. She's not as interested in you as you are in her.

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I do kind of agree with what people have said in that if she says she's worried about losing the friendship, this could just be her wanting to let you down easily, however, this isn't necessarily the case. It depends on a lot of things like her age, dating experience, the relationship you two have etc.

 

This is from personal experience-2 years ago one of my friends liked me but didn't tell me because he was worried about what would would happen if we broke up (he knew i would want to go out with him). At the time both of us were going through a rough patch and relied very much on each other (btw he told me this later voluntarily so i know it's true). So in your case, if you and this girl are very close she might feel like she couldn't cope with losing you, and this could override her romantic feelings for you. And it's possible that she might change her mind about this later.

 

But-if she's not over her ex then all you can really do is continue to be there for her and wait. Worry about reassuring her that you can remain friends if things end badly when the time comes (and yes, i do think this is possible if both people try, although of course it would take some time). Don't keep asking her and don't try to come on to her until you are sure she is over him. Just be her friend for now (if she's open to dating you then you're not really 'friendzoned' and i don't believe in that anyway-as a female i can tell you that 90% of the people i've liked i was friends with first)

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