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I would like to meet up for drinks..

sweet_kisses

By sweet_kisses
in Getting Back Together

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sweet_kisses Enthusiast

sweet_kisses

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With my ex boyfriend that is.

 

I've been pretty much NC since Dec/Jan, except a few minor emails (mostly initiated by me for the wrong reasons) and a text (initiated by him).

 

Don't look at my old threads because they are very emotional and needy. A lot has happened since then and I've been surrounded by people much more mature that myself, who have influenced me to be more relaxed and mature as well.

 

I miss him still and would like to be friends and communicate on a regular basis.

 

How should I ask him?

 

What should I say?

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sweet_kisses Enthusiast

sweet_kisses

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Because people tend to fool themselves that they can be friends with "the ex" when really they hope it's the doorway for re-kindling the relationship.

 

If you can honestly say to yourself that you don't hope to get back together with him, then it's a whole different story.

 

Honestly, I don't care.

 

I have so many things going on right now, I'm not particularly looking for a relationship atm, and if in the future it happens to happen, then okay. But if it doesn't, I'm okay with it too. I guess I'm indifferent in terms of romantic relationship outcomes.. because on the one hand he's great, on the other hand, I could be with someone more compatible.

 

Which is why I said.. I am interested in being friends. And I'm not really fooling myself or using this is a "rouse" to try to get him back as a bf.

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Hobbes Contributor

Hobbes

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Technically, no, I did not.

 

Ok, I just looked at:

 

 

 

which starts with:

 

"So I broke up with my boyfriend last night..."

 

Which sounds like you broke it off, but could mean either, granted. But I wouldn't have worded it like that.. anyways.

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justletgo07 Enthusiast

justletgo07

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I say if you're ready to be friends, then go for it! What do you have to lose. It's more about where you are with everything, and less about where he is. If you feel good about it and feel that doing so will bring something positive to your life, I say do it.

 

This walk away and never look back mentality, while initially helpful, is a bit petty and spiteful. If you're over it and set firm boundaries, the other person can't hurt you no matter how big of a slime ball they might be. Most people are really good people at heart. Lots of people go through immature phases and selfish, stupid moments, but most people mean well and try their best. I think it's great you can focus on the good.

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sweet_kisses Enthusiast

sweet_kisses

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Ok, I just looked at:

 

 

 

which starts with:

 

"So I broke up with my boyfriend last night..."

 

Which sounds like you broke it off, but could mean either, granted. But I wouldn't have worded it like that.. anyways.

 

Taken very much out of context.. but I'm not really interested in getting into a debate did or said what first.

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sweet_kisses Enthusiast

sweet_kisses

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After reading your past threads, you're all over the place with this guy. In one you stated that you can't be friends with him, in another you need him to accompany you, when you go places.

 

I would leave this guy alone.

 

This is why I said.. DON'T look at my old threads.. lol. I know that they are all over the place. Believe me, I was the one that had to live with me during that time.

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Hobbes Contributor

Hobbes

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Taken very much out of context.. but I'm not really interested in getting into a debate did or said what first.

 

Out of context? What I have found is that some things I have written on here in the past when things were shall we say 't i t s - up' I see as being slightly out of context now but the emotions were real and I should not forget them.

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sweet_kisses Enthusiast

sweet_kisses

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I still say leave him alone.

 

You're only fooling yourself by saying that you want to be friends? Are you lacking friends right now?

 

Its not about having or not having enough friends. Its about that when you spend a lot of quality time with a person, given a few negative experiences aside, you still value that person overall.

 

I realize that a lot of people have the black and white mentality that - you either get married or never speak to each other, but personally, I find it a very limiting way to live life.

 

Anyway, this thread was not about my intentions.. its about the best way to approach someone who haven't spoken to in a while and are uncertain terms with. Goodness... forget I asked.

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Deejmonster Community Regular

Deejmonster

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I agree. It seems like some individuals on this site are being a little non-empathetic with some peoples emotions. I myself would like to know what to do if put in this situation. OP... I have met with my ex before and it is really scary even though you know them pretty well.. lol all i remember doing is just trying to swallow my emotions and be as calm as possible and just be yourself. If you were the dumpee... let him do the talking. I feel that it is ok to be scared and I feel like it is also ok to let him know that you are tense. Just take your time.

 

For all the others out there on this thread... I say, give this girl a break. She hasn't done a single thing wrong and no other person out there is better than anyone else. She asked a simple question... you give an answer. Don't weigh in your personal opinions about putting someone down.

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annie24 Grand Master

annie24

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without having read any of your old threads, i will say that being friends with an ex is generally a bad idea, at least for one person, if not both. i think it can mess with their heads and expectations.

 

in my opinion, i think you should be friends with an ex if you are truly over them, and if you heard him talk about the great new girl he is dating, you would be 150% happy for him and not jealous. i would not expect anything.

 

however, imagine if you meet a new man - do you think he would like you being buddy-buddy with this ex? i'm always suspicious of people who are too close to their exes (barring some major circumstances like their ex is gay.)

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SparklyBoots Contributor

SparklyBoots

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I haven't looked at your old threads - but would say how you approach this depends on how your last communications went....was it left on an amicable note? If so then a light hi how are you type of opener, the way you would speak to any friend you have been out of contact with for a while should be OK. How would you approach this with other friends - you shouldn't have to be any different with him.

 

If there are bridges to build then it could be different.

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renaissancewoman101 Grand Master

renaissancewoman101

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OP, if you think he would be open to being friends and your last communication wasn't on really bad terms, I would take the initiative and make contact with him and then see how he reacts.

 

I've been on ENA for many years and it seems most people here are AGAINST getting back together with an ex and actively discourage it. In most cases, it doesn't work out, but if you think it will with your ex, go for it. A lot of times, it is better to give it a try than to NOT try and wonder what would have happened.

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annie24 Grand Master

annie24

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being friends doesn't necessarily lead to getting back together. if one wants to remain friends with an ex, it should be because they are ok with friendship, and ONLY the friendship. if they are hoping for more than that, i think they will be sorely hurt 99% of the time.

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HeartGoesOn Grand Master

HeartGoesOn

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Its not about having or not having enough friends. Its about that when you spend a lot of quality time with a person, given a few negative experiences aside, you still value that person overall.

 

I realize that a lot of people have the black and white mentality that - you either get married or never speak to each other, but personally, I find it a very limiting way to live life.

 

Anyway, this thread was not about my intentions.. its about the best way to approach someone who haven't spoken to in a while and are uncertain terms with. Goodness... forget I asked.

 

Well, I wish you all the best in being his friend. Remember that as a friend, you'll be happy for him when he tells you about the girls he's dated, and the girls he has his eye on, and any advice he may need regarding them. After all, real friends are always there for each other.

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annie24 Grand Master

annie24

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Well, I wish you all the best in being his friend. Remember that as a friend, you'll be happy for him when he tells you about the girls he's dated, and the girls he has his eye on, and any advice he may need regarding them. After all, real friends are always there for each other.

 

yes, i agree. that is one of the hardest parts (at least for me!) about staying friends with an ex. when they start talking about their new gf and their eyes light up, etc.... it's just not fun if you still have feelings for them. and you have to watch him with his new girl slow dancing at a party, etc (been there, done that, got the t-shirt!)

 

i do have friends who are exes that are just 100% friends. as in, when one told me he got married and showed me photos of his lovely bride, i was completely happy for him. very happy for him.

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