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A year later and he misses me apparently….advice needed...


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….but he hasn’t said this to me…oh no! My 16 year old daughter met up with him at the weekend when she was visiting a friend in his home town. They met at New Year and I told him then that what they discussed was no business of mine and I would prefer it if I wasn’t mentioned….all she said then was that he seemed a little down….

 

Well, I didn’t ask my daughter what went on this time…she hinted at stuff and then eventually spilled it. She told me how he was comparing his life now as dull and boring to how it was when we were together…she said he kept mentioning me in really fond terms…a lot…she said it was really obvious he missed me and the times we had together. I didn’t ask for specifics. My daughter knows how hard it has been for me to get over this and move on and she has no reason to try and get us back together. She knows better than to stir this all up for nothing.

 

Soooo, he left me after two years together – little warning - when things were a bit rough in my life, he is a tad commitmentphobic, he wanted to get back to a single life with casual encounters….now he is depressed, hasn’t been with anyone else since last summer…we have met only 5 times and hooked up 3 of those - our basic attraction was/is still strong...

 

I haven't seen him since November though. After several months with very little contact we have been in increasing contact recently, initiated probably half and half by each of us BUT it seems that he will message me and when we seem to be getting on well he will just suddenly stop and pull back. Several times he has just ignored my messages completely (which I haven’t called him on) and then next thing he pops up in chat on Facebook or he even called me last weekend which he has only done a few times in the past year...we chatted away just like we used to, it was all so easy...

 

I don’t refer to the past, try to keep things light…I no longer really really want to get back together – I have done a lot of healing in the past few months – have even been out casually dating again….am quite happy with my life in general – but there is a gap there that he has left and I haven’t filled yet. I guess I part of me just still misses him...although I am capable of just being friends, it feels like we may be moving towards something more...

 

I am just confused by him. Is this hot / cold/ friendly then ignoring thing normal? Should I call him on it or do I need to be patient and just let him take this at his pace. I have tried to convey how over us I am, so he is going to be careful about opening up and admitting anything to me – and he is a proud, stubborn man….but should I take a step and let him know that I still care – because I do! And how to show I care without scaring him off and have him do his distancing act again….

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Towards the end of last year I would have put my hands up and said i hadn't moved on. I did cut him off and really tried to put my all into healing...I can live OK without him, not even sure I could fit him back into my life. I never thought I would be back on this board...so I think I have moved on 95-99% really. But part of me does miss him and the good times.

 

I am open to exploring where it goes however, but would not say I am emotionally vested in him anymore.

 

WHen others have been reconciling, is it normal for the other person to act a bit weird like this...friendly one time and then putting barriers up when things get a little too close again?

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WHen I still wasn't over it I did tell him how I felt and it made no difference to him at that time. He is not good at doing the whole open honest mature thing really - he will go about things in an indirect way, like testing the waters so to speak rather than coming straight out with stuff.

 

He did mention coming over to see us a few weeks ago but I told him I was busy - I could have gone to see him last weekend but I didn't as I had other stuff on. WHen he talked to me on the phone he mentioned coming over again and I avoided the subject. I am very wary of opening myself up to hurt again and also don't want him to feel i am overeager to see him...looking back I think I may well have given the impression I couldn't give a stuff LOL!!!!

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he will just suddenly stop and pull back[/b].

 

I have tried to convey how over us I am, so he is going to be careful about opening up and admitting anything to me – and he is a proud, stubborn man….but should I take a step and let him know that I still care – because I do! And how to show I care without scaring him off and have him do his distancing act again….

 

You seem like a nice lady, so I'll be honest. You are wasting your time here. He LEFT you after two years. AND he's not banging down your door apologizing. So what if he's proud? All you are doing is justifying working harder in this than he does. I think you are pretty clearly wasting your time with this guy. If he wanted you for something real, he would let you know.

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Yep he left and he has had time to start and realise that the grass is not always greener....I am not working harder at this as at the minute all I see us being is friends with a potential for rekindling - I have avoided seeing him recently after he has suggested it ....I really am not hung up on this anymore so if it happens it happens, if it doesn't I am OK.

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